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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
@ When do you get comfortable?
When do you get comfortable with this mama thing? right now, I feel like a total failure who should be saving up for therapy instead of college. Or sending my kid to live with HAB. Someone please tell me that I'm not going to spend the rest of my life 2nd guessing and blaming myself.
Maybe I'm just having a bad day. But that kid menu thread didn't help. 
Team Basement Cat
Knitting&Kitties
Knitting&Kitties
Re: @ When do you get comfortable?
Just when I get comfortable a new phase comes about and I question different things about my parenting. So maybe never? The good news is you aren't alone!!! : )
I'm right there with you. I constantly worry that I'm ruining them. I worry that K doesn't get enough attention and that my frustration with toddler-dom is going to break PTS's spirit.
I think the best thing you can do, for real, is post a thread like this so that you can get some pats on the back. Because sometimes you really do need that.
I will say that I think anyone who is 100% confident in their parenting 100% of the time
is probably a really sh!tty parenting. If you care enough to worry whether you're doing it right, chances are, you're doing it right.
Basically, once you think you've gotten them down, they change the game. this continues on a monthly type basis until around 3, at which point they become such asshoIes that you don't even care anymore if you are sending them to therapy. then it all evens out and is pretty cool.*
*bows*
*just has the one kid and doesn't know what she's talking about
This. I feel like I must be doing an alright job because out of the blue I'll get "You're the best mom EVER." And she didn't follow up the statement with a "Can I have ..."
I don't think you get comfortable until they're a bit older and you can see the results so to speak. p&p might be fatheads and drive me up the damned wall but I take comfort in knowing that I can leave them with other people, take them out in public and know they'll behave (for the most part.) Most of the stuff you're doing with them now you won't see the pay off until they start school.
I'm not sure if that's comforting or depressing though. lol
Click me, click me!
lol!
Truth.
Also, I'm far more comfortable w/ Scarlett much earlier than I was with Jackson. Back then, everything made me think I was a failure at life. I figure I haven't f*cked up too badly with him so far, so she should be good, too.
Hmm, or maybe I ditto KCB. I felt much more comfortable around the time Jackson was 3. Maybe I just quit caring because he was such an assh0le?
Regardless, I am much more laid back now, and especially so with Scarlett.
The only times I'm comfortable is when we've found something that works - even if I know its temporary, so there isn't a fight and things are generally going smoothly. Kids do a lot of balking as barrier testing, so they aren't truly against what you are offering, but just trying to find their own way. I finally got DD to sit at the table longer than 3 minutes and we've had a few nice and calm meals times in a row for the first time in her life. There was definitely a protest at first, but now she gets it and its easy.
And I just tell myself its gotta be easier once they can do most things on their own.
Uh...never? Every time I think I've got it figured out, something else happens. Then they become teenagers and you wonder if they ever listened to a DAMN thing you taught them.
I think you just learn to live with the second guessing. Or you drink. I choose option two.
Yes,I'm smiling...I'm a marathoner!
Bloggy McBloggerson
CO Nestie Award Winner-Prettiest Brain-Back to Back!
2011 Bests
5K-22:49 10K-47:38 Half Mary-1:51:50
2012 Race Report
1/1-New Year's 5K-22:11
2/11-Sweetheart Classic 4-mile-29:49
3/24-Coulee Chase 5K-21:40
5/6-Colorado Marathon-4:08:30
5/28-Bolder Boulder 10K
I worry every day about my kids, but it is about big things... like how will they afford health insurance and pursue there dreams. I don't worry though when my 4 year old tells me he doesn't need to take a bath tonight because he took a "creek bath" when he jumped into the muddy creek.
Above Us Only Sky
Well, mine is a mere 14 months and I'm no where near comfy yet.
She'll eat anything and everything. Sleeps through the night like it's her job. Is saying lots of words. Growing like a weed.
On the flip side, she's hitting, occasionally biting, and keeps blowing out her diapers overnight on a regular basis.
I fluctuate between feeling awesome and feeling like an utter failure.
I have good days and bad.
Yesterday was a bad day.
Today is going okay.
I don't think you get comfortable until they are all married and out of your care. lol
I have three of them and I am still thrown for a loop daily. Right now I feel like the worst mother ever because my second born is being a terror. It's a phase I don't feel 100% equipped to deal with.
Like PP said, there are good days and bad days. I just pray the bad days don't mess my kids up too much.
i think i first thought i was doing OK when grace told me i was the best momma in the whole world. and then threw a tantrum because i told her she had to wear underwear under her dress.
last night ben passed out on my chest. that was pretty good. right now that'll have to do.
I still question some of the things I did/do. I am totally confident in my parenting but I get to say that since they are grown
You just tough it out every day and follow your heart and your gut. I guarantee you are doing an amazing job, just don't be so hard on yourself. *hugs*
Also, I feel you on rough days. I feel guilty for being so tired out by her. But then I pick her up from daycare or nursery or have her in other social settings and she is often times the only one still needing to be busy or bothering the teacher or otherwise not just sitting calmly and playing or eating a snack like everyone else, and I realize I have the border collie of children, and she'd wear anyone out.
I almost didn't hit post, but I'm glad I did.
Thanks.
If it's more than 14 days since he was born, you are out of normal "baby blues" time period. Even an OB or the NP can prescribe something for you.
Also, I think you could use some help. I don't want to be one of "those" people, but seriously, it seems you guys have the ability to get someone in there to help with the basics and give you more time to rest/not be overloaded.
What is DD doing mot of her days? Can she go to a part time pre-school or daycare-type setting for a few hours a day or part-time? I truly want to have an aneurysm thinking about trying to care for a toddler and a newborn w/o anyone else there.
shadowboxerkd:
I recently went through my journal from right after my second was born. If you had asked me then if I thought I had PPD I would have A. Gone off on you and B. I would have said no. However, looking back I really think I should have talked to someone if only to get it out. I was angry. Mostly because I was tired and partly because that pregnancy was the wildest, craziest time. You name it, we had to worry about it (elevated quad screen, IUGR, pre-e, bed rest, preemie baby)
I recently asked DH about it and he said that he was worried about me but he took it one day at a time. If your DH says that maybe you should talk to someone, at least say something to your OB. (That is not to say that we don't know our own bodies.)
Hugs
Can I just insert the name jack and just pretend I wrote this. I often wonder if his jerkiness has beat me down so much or that he really has turned the corner and I feel like a more competent parent. Like today he handled and embraced getting tubes put in his ear like a boss. I was so proud of him. Days like today make me realize we are doing a good job or just that he is a very confident child so we can't be screwing to much if he is so self assured. Who cares that he talks about poop in fits of giggles in public lol.
See me in action!
My kid likes to eat off the kid menu.
Here's the best part - I never buy kraft mac n cheese at home - but have been known to get it for her when it's on the menu out. She likes it.
I used to be very "omg, my kid will never eat off the kids menu!!" and then I had a kid. She eats a fair variety of foods, but also goes through picky spells where she doesn't want to eat much. And she's already underweight, so anything I can do to beef her up is a-ok with me.
Now as for your question: when do you get comfortable? Answer: never. If you're always trying to compare to others. Or if you're asking about second guessing/anxiety. My mom still worries about us, and I assume I'll continue to worry about L until I die.
My mom says if you don't doubt your ability to parent from time to time you're not doing it right.
I think Moms especially second guess themselves. Being a parent is a huge thing, I think it's only natural to worry about doing it right.
Plus like the PP said, by the time you conquer one phase and feel comfortable with it a new one starts and you begin all over.
I was afraid someone would say that.