Starting Over
People are placed in and taken out of our lives for a multitude of reasons. My faith has me looking upward so I might stay on my path, forward to reach my future and to either side for the ones to walk near me on my journey.
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I POAS twice...
In three days. Wow. Life truly changes in an instant. I am calling my doctor this morning to schedule an appointment as I am experiencing some spotting, but I hear this can be normal if I don't have any cramping or pain.
I will be doing this on my own and based on my LMP, my EDD is December 2. I still don't feel like this is real, as I had a very early mc with the ex boyfriend almost exactly two years ago.
The only symptoms I'm having have been extreme tiredness and I'm eating like a starving T-Rex. Motherhood is something I have always wanted and I know I've shared that here several times and although this is not the way I envisioned it happening, I am happy and looking forward to what the future holds.
People are placed in and taken out of our lives for a multitude of reasons. My faith has me looking upward so I might stay on my path, forward to reach my future and to either side for the ones to walk near me on my journey.
Re: I POAS twice...
Wishing you good luck. I honestly don't know what to say. I know you've wanted this and I hope you have a good support system.
Do you know who the father is?
I was reluctant to post, but wanted to get it out. Thank you MCC. I do know who it is; it was a one time thing on a business trip and we had been drinking. I'm not ready to tell him as he has lots going on right now. My two BFFs agreed to hold off telling him for now, also.
I also have a good support system. I live far away from home, but called my mom last night after having only gotten a faint positive from Monday morning and she was very supportive. She knows how badly I wanted to become a mother one day. Again, not how I had it planned in my head, but life doesn't always go as planned as many of us here can attest.
You're exactly right. Life doesn't always go as planned. But you seem like you're happy about this, so congratulations.
Do you have people who live near you that can help you with the baby when it's born? If not, would a move closer to family be possible? I'm not trying to freak you out, but it is going to be very hard with a newborn on your own and you're going to need as much help as you can get.
Also, you need to speak with an attorney and figure out what you're going to do regarding the legal aspects of everything. Know your state's laws and know your rights.
Feel free to PM me any time. I've raised my DD on my own since day one.
I didn't mean it to be snarky so I'm glad you took it the right way. I am so happy it isn't your XBF, though.
I agree with turtle, I'd talk to a lawyer about options--maybe before telling the guy so that you can have a few plans set forth (one if he wants to give up rights, one if he wants to co-parent, etc).
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Thank you so much turtle. I will definitely take you up on PMing after the reality actually settles in.
I definitely want to stay at my job until I actually have the baby, for obvious insurance and stability reasons. With 6 weeks maternity leave it will get me through the holidays and I am definitely contemplating a move back home then. My mom also already offered to come and stay with me for two weeks right after the baby is born. I also have a great friend nearby who is being very supportive. It's cute because she asked if I wanted her to come over, but I declined since I don't feel pregnant, just tired and hungry.
I'm sure once the baby is here he'll most likely want paternity established and I'll be brushed up on the legalities long before then.
Not at all MCC! I would have definitely openly welcomed flaming if it was XBF's baby! Holy night! Two babies by two moms within 4 months of each other and one was his wife's... That would be just awful and tragic, moreso than him being with me for over 2 1/2 years. He and I haven't spoken in 3 1/2 weeks and I'm feeling pretty strong so far in not reaching out to him.
Wow! That is really big news. I'm glad you are mentally happy about this because you will definitely have some rough times with it being on your own and all. But it sounds like you have great support and have also gotten great advice from the others here. I'm another one that's glad to hear its not your XBF, you definitely don't need that drama.
Good luck & congratulations!!
Just a thought regarding your job - it might be easier to find one closer to home and move before having the baby. Most jobs have maternity benefits. It would be easiest to land a new job before you start showing.
As far as paternity goes, definitely find out what you need to do to establish it. If the father is going to be a PITA you may have to take a paternity test. You'll want to establish paternity and file for child support ASAP after your baby is born. If you can't establish paternity because the father isn't cooperating, you should still file for child support. They will help you establish paternity.
Take care of yourself and your little baby!
Awww...you seem very happy, so I'm really happy for you!! And you're right that life never goes "as planned".. all of us are living examples of that... we're here on this board because life didn't go "as planned", but I'm a firm believer that whatever is meant to be will be. I do think its a great idea getting legal advice before you tell the would be father. Whatever happens and whatever his decision is going to be..just know that it will all work out and you are going to be a great mommy! Best of luck with everything!!
Thanks turtle. My former boss has been pretty insistent on me moving back and working for him. He's like a dad to me. He knows I moved because of the XBF situation and he's also supportive of me taking this time away to get over him and coming back to work for him whenever I'm ready.
He will be one of the next people IRL I will tell that I am pregnant.
Thank you Chasing!
Thank you so much Audg! That made me smile!
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
I will just say three things:
1) Congrats!
2) I had spotting on and off for the first trimester and into the second, and I have a very healthy LO
3) You seem to have a great attitude! It may not have been how you saw things happening, but trust me it will be wonderful even through the hard times.
Thank you arbor, becca and marigold!
And becca - what a cute LO you have! The pic in your sig still cracks me up when I look at it!
Congratulations and good luck! I also have been on my own with DS from day one (well, since I was eight months along but I was essentially by myself for the pregnancy) so feel free to PM me.
I had a good friend and my mom in the room when I had him. I know that's far off, but it's something to think about (who would be your support system).
Thank you Kitty; he lives in my city and is a very good guy. I know that I will raise this baby with or without him and I am preparing myself for either scenario; well, as much as I guess I can prepare myself for it. I assume he will not be a part of the baby's life, but I really have no guage of why I feel that way. I am pretty intuitive though.
Congrats and good luck! I'm another single mom from day one (actually I kicked him out right after I found out I was pregnant) and actually had a 4 year old at the time. It's tough, but it can be done.
My best advice would be to accept any and all help you are offered. It's easy to get stubborn and think you have to do it alone since you are choosing this path, but there are people there to help and you will need help at times!!
Thank you Roselis and Heavenly+!
Thank you so much achase! I will definitely take you up on that offer also. I can honestly say that I am a little less scared (still very frightened though) of doing this on my own from the strength of several of you on this board.