Politics & Current Events
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Have we talked about this Mommy War article?
Agreed. The whole article reeks of 'woe is me'. Being a parent is hard. Everyone needs to get over themselves.
Now you want me to find time to MAKE CUPCAKES??? Or drive to the store with my 2 kids to BUY CUPCAKES??
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY LYYYYYYYYYFFFFFFFEEEEE!!!!
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
Yeah, this is old and has been discussed. But something's standing out - you can't change coffee grounds while holding a baby? Seriously? You fail at life.
food blog | garden blog | curly dogs blog
But when will they find the time to eat it?!?!?!
I'm on team DP - most of my friends IRL have tough days and great days as both WM and SAHM. The grass is always greener, but honestly this woman in the article is milking it a little.
Oh and whether working or staying home...both types of moms have to wrestle with the lifelong debate of buying or making cupcakes. That's one thing the mommy wars can't decide for us.
Are you united with the CCOKCs?
Ok, I'm not sure I'm qualified to comment, since my kid isn't here yet....BUT.
I think that what is 'harder' depends largely on 2 things: 1) the type of job the working mom has, with the hours; and 2) the childcare available for both.
I'm fortunate in that my job is relatively flexible so I will be a part time WM and part time SAHM. So I will see both sides. And I anticipate a lot of my stress will depend on how my working world & childcare options mix.
Does that make sense?
Oh, and I also think a HUGE portion obviously has to do with the support from the spouse. Do they help with the household when they get home from work?
my read shelf:
I guess I feel like I have more time when they are babies because they nap all day long. Once they drop that morning nap when they are older you have even less time where you are awake and they are asleep. But I'll agree with you in the evenings that it is easier when they are older. I don't get anything done in the evenings with a nursing infant.
I feel blessed to have the same opportunity that you are describing here, but honestly, sometimes I think it is really difficult to juggle both worlds. Having a different routine every day is difficult for me (because I thrive on structure like that). I have a hrd time shifting from "mommy mode" to "working mode" and because I have to make that shift every other day, it sometimes doesn't happen. I find myself at work unable to focus on my job or at home and not 100% there with the kids.
I think what has made it easier for me is having my sitter watch my children in my home. At least their routine is consistent. I think that they would have a harder time if they were having to nap at a different place every other day.
I don't know what your plans are for childcare, but if I can offer some unsolicited advice, it would be to look into having your child watched in your own home while they are young and need that structure and routine. It will make your life much easier when you're at home and trying to get your child to nap. (I'm not sure what your working schedule is, but mine is a few full days a week. If you are only working half days every day, you probably don't need to worry about the change in routine for your kid since they will still be doing the same thing every day.)
The point is that it doesn't matter. It's not a competition. No one gets an awrd for having it the worst, or the best. Every single parent has struggles, and no one has it the same.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
not me. you have a kid named TEN HOURS SLEEP A NIGHT! that kid is awesome.
as for the writer (whom i am amazed found the time to actually write all of that considering she can't pick up a phone), she must get awfully exhaused from carrying that cross around all day.
Yes,I'm smiling...I'm a marathoner!
Bloggy McBloggerson
CO Nestie Award Winner-Prettiest Brain-Back to Back!
2011 Bests
5K-22:49 10K-47:38 Half Mary-1:51:50
2012 Race Report
1/1-New Year's 5K-22:11
2/11-Sweetheart Classic 4-mile-29:49
3/24-Coulee Chase 5K-21:40
5/6-Colorado Marathon-4:08:30
5/28-Bolder Boulder 10K
please open mouth kiss me right now.
I haven't bothered to read all the responses yet, and I will try if DD naps long enough, but I don't think the author is complaining at all. She is just giving an example of what the day is like and why she doesn't respond to emails. When DD was small I was on the net a lot, updating FB and bored out of my mind. I mean, she slept all day. Heck, when I was working I spent more time sending e-mails! Now she is awake except for one two hour nap and I am very busy entertaining her.
And if I didn't do all the activities it would be harder because she thrives on that stuff.
It is just a fact that when you have a toddler you have very little time to respond to e-mails. Even if I try, she steals my phone!
Honestly, this article pisssed me off not because of Mommy Wars but just because this lady seems so damnn inefficient and crazed.
Set up your stupid coffee the night before. If you're out of some sort of food, make something else instead of running to the grocery store. Take the diaper genie out of the room when you put the kid to bed and change the bag in the hallway. And on and on.
I'm a mom and have a job outside the home. I only have one kid so that's a huge difference from this lady. But for real, your kids sleep. Do shits then. She's way overcomplicating it.
Yup.
Oh and I want cupcakes and bon bons now.
It's true though.
Being a SAHM is hard as hell. I've done it. But "the Second Shift" is what kills working moms and no matter how progressive you think your husband is, no matter how progressive he actually is, this is what makes working moms exhausted in a way that SAHMs can't even begin to imagine.
Oh I agree completely. What i mean is that there isn't a way to ever 'settle' that debate because everyone's circumstances are so unique to them. I could have clarified that better. For someone with a great job and childcare, being a WM might be easier. For others, SAHM might be easier - it depends on the individual dynamics at play. As a society, there isn't a right answer. Depends on the person.
Fixed it for you. I've got more than one friend who returned to work in large part because, for them, SAH was more stressful and exhausting than returning to work. One of my friends jokes that her job shouldn't be called work when she finds it so relaxing by comparison. The point is that there is no global generalization that can be made here, nor is there any benefit to a martyr-off.
I don't mean this to be snarky, but do you really think your DH contributes so much that you can judge how it is for every WM with a working spouse?
I think you have a really good idea. We haven't looked into childcare too much yet, only because my IL's are our main childcare for the first 6 months (plus myself). We are looking into childcare starting when teh baby is about 6-8 months old.
I'm hoping to do 3 days per week for 1/2 days, plus maybe 1 full day of childcare. I think an in-home option would be ideal, failing that I'm hoping to find someone who lives near me or the office (which is 10 mins drive away, phew!)
If I go back to work full-time we may even consider a live-in nanny who also does housework, meal prep, etc. Depends if we can justify the cost, which I doubt we can for 1 child.
I think the appropriate response to the article posted in the OP, is a reference to this:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Second-Shift-Arlie-Hockschild/dp/0380711575
I think a lot of women return to work because they find their work stimulating and they find being a SAHM to be unfulfilling. I doubt (m)any of them did it because they thought it would mean "less work" or even "easier work." Since the OP counts work in very real, tangible terms, I think it is important to note as Helper pointed out, that working moms (and dad's) do all that crap, too, but they crunch it into weekends and evenings. Even more so when we're not talking about white collar professionals, but about women who are working because they are a vital part of their family's economic survival.
That's the time of day that scares the living daylights out of me and I WFH (my kids go to a daycare center). The morning/evening shift gives me so much anxiety that when my DH had to go to Europe for a week I flew my mother down, just to help me.
The more I read this, the more I think it is annoying as sh!t. Dear, SAHM martyr. Here is what my day looks like. Cliff's notes: it looks exactly like yours. Welcome to motherhood.
DH is spending 2 weeks in Canada this summer for work and I've already warned my bosses I won't be coming in one of those weeks, and I've lined my mom up to come help me the other week.
I am so used to DH working nights (being unavailable to help) that when he wants to go skiing/hiking or has to travel for work (rarely) it doesn't even phase me. I get tired but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I realize its because I only have one kid to take care of, but I find when my husband is out of town that nights are almost easier. We have leftovers/cereal for dinner and things are just calmer. Or maybe its just because my H partially works from home and is therefore always at home when I get home and its nice to just have some kid and me alone time.
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
I can't do it without him. Cannot. He works till 8:30 p.m. two days a week and starts work at 7:00 the other three. He also works every other Saturday morning. The fact that he goes in late on the two days and comes home early on the other three is the only thing that keeps my head above water.