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Grrr... (Just a vent)
BIL's girlfriend (SIL for lack of a better term- they've been together close to 20 years, I'd say) basically estranged herself from us and the IL's about 5 years ago.
Recently, she's been "popping up" on family e-mails, etc. She also wanted to send DS a b-day gift and after DH and I talked, he nicely but rather bluntly was like "You've never even met him - don't worry about gifts. Come meet him....".
Even saying that, though, we're FINE w/ her not being in our lives. She's a nutjob and life is just easier w/o her.
About 3 or 4 weeks ago we (us and the IL's) went to NYC (where they live) for a family wedding. We all got together for lunch - including SIL. This is the first time in 5 years any of us have seen her. And it was "fine". Fake, but our relationship w/ her has always been fake, so... whatever.
Last weekend, we went to the ocean w/ the IL's (that's a whole other story....). FIL just sent us some pictures of DS from that weekend, and I noticed that he included SIL on the email list.
I told DH that in the end I know it's harmless, and I'm not going to tell his dad to not do that, but.... I actually REALLY wish he wouldn't send pics of DS to her. We've seen her ONCE in 5 years, she hasn't met DS. I don't really give a $hit about her recent efforts to "reach out" to us. I simply don't want her to have even this much access to DS. I just don't.
I'm not going to make a stand on this. If DH is as bothered as I am and he wants to say something, then he can. But I'm being careful of my "battles". While DH is largely on the same page as me, these ARE his parents and in the end, I know that FIL's motives are genuine. She's BIL's girlfriend and as long as he's with her - FIL is going to include her/ "love" her, etc.
Hence the vent - just need to get it out because I'm going to sit on it.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Re: Grrr... (Just a vent)
Tacom - I hear what you're saying, but while it was technically an invitation - it was more to actually call her out on her $hit. She is VERY fake, a very surface person, and she was trying to play nice to look nice, "oh, look, I want to send him gifts!!!", but yet she can't ever be bothered to actually come down w/ BIL to visit. And I realize she doesn't have to. She may not care to be around kids. That's fine. But either don't be interested in him entirely, or make the real effort and come meet him.
I guess what it is - I feel like she's using DS to "get back in" with all of us, and that's what bothers me. She had NO CONTACT w/ any of us for years, then the first direct email any of us gets (FIL) is about DS.
There is just a lot more history here than I want to go into when it comes to her.
And again, this is a vent. We're not going to say she can't have the pictures!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I actually kind of get it. If she's unstable it's not good to have family just dropping in and out of kids lives, especially when they're younger.
That being said, the picture thing is.. sorry for the bluntness, but pretty stupid and I'd just let it go like you're planning. I get she's crazy and you really want to limit the access she has to your son but her having pictures is pretty harmless after all.
My H and his mother are getting into it now over his aunt, and it's very similar. She and her H were invited to our wedding because MIL made a big deal about including them even though 1) I had never met them and 2) we'd never had any contact, at all. They RSVPd yes and then called two days before to back out of coming. They didn't try to come to the bridal shower or for any other reason to visit us that summer. H was pretty pissed since there's a lot of history that makes him think she's very surfacey and wanted to appear to care but didn't actually care enough to come visit.
Now I'm pregnant and they're all saying they want to visit and sending a gift. She wasn't invited to the shower because my H thought she'd do just like the wedding--wait until the last minute and then back out of coming. She sent us a letter about how hurt she is that we'd think something like that with the gift. We accepted the apology and gift, and I am writing a thank you note, but we are seriously eyerolling about requests for pics and her talk of coming to visit. I know MIL is going to cc her on pic emails and H is going to get all pissy about it. My only advice/method to approach it is to just try not to care and let it go as long as nobody is getting hurt.
I don't know why people care so much about other people thinking they care when they don't. It would be so much easier if people were just up front about having too much sh*t to do to pay any real attention to anyone outside their household.
I have to disagree that pictures are harmless. We don't really know what the SIL/BIL GF has done in the past.
But from what you posted ECB, I don't think you believe SIL will do anything inappropriate with the pictures, so there really isn't any harm. It's just how you feel about the situation. Which I have to say I understand, it would make me uncomfortable also.
Example?
Unless they're being spread in a child pornography ring or something I don't see how someone getting a picture of your child can be harmful.
Someone passing a baby off as their own comes to mind. Or photoshopping inappropriate objects in a picture. Or submitting the photos to contests.
All crazy things someone could do out of anger or jealousy.
I wouldn't want strangers or people I don't trust to have pictures of my baby.
This is all harmless shii!t, though.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Seeing a picture of someone's kid isn't giving them access though.
Well, unless said picture includes the name of kid's daycare or something.
This is only tangently related but why are people so paranoid about pictures now? Once upon a time, people use to snail mail Olan mills wallets to everyone and their mama. Grandma would proudly show off each new one to everyone she encountered, including the creepy piggly wiggly stock boy.
I'm not even sure I've heard of one single crime against a child that started with an innocuous internet picture.
Click me, click me!
Edit: My parents computer was hacked a couple years ago, and on their computer was some of my wedding photos. The hacker stole some of the photos, put them on "rate me/my cleavage" websites.
It's very much an "invasion of privacy" sort of thing to me. I felt violated.
So, yes, thinking that someone would do something like that with my child's picture freaks me out.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Oh please. I'm not saying when I get pictures take I burn the photographer's originals or what have you. I understand that anything I post online or on FB can be used and distorted by others. It doesn't stop me from sharing pictures with my family and friends.
I'm just saying having personal pictures sent to someone I don't trust would make me uncomfortable.
Edit: And I just don't equate an invasion of privacy with harmlessness.
Sorry I keep adding on.
What you think the untrustworthy person is going to do with them is what should get the "oh please" reaction. If that person photoshops a pic of a giant dildo onto the pic... WHO CARES?!
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Like I said, many people would find it harmless. I don't. Just me. Don't take it to the extreme and say I should lock up my kid to avoid mental images.
So how does one find out that their photo is on a "rate me/my cleavage" website?
So I know this was from this morning, but people can do all sorts of crazy things with a kid's picture. Case in point: http://www.switched.com/2009/08/03/mom-finds-her-kids-photo-used-in-online-adoption-scam/
If SIL is basically rating as a stranger, I also would not feel entirely comfortable with her having my kid's picture. It's my opinion though that it is up to the parents, not anyone else, as to how to share or control a minor's online identity. Some parents are totally ok with pictures being plastered all over facebook or sent through emails, and others are not.
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste,
It all revolves around you.
At least I think it was the cookies. My dad is one of those people who knows just enough to be dangerous with computers. So the way he explained it sounded like his cookies, but who really knows.
So your dad was on the site and recognized your rack?