Starting Over
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Who wants to get flamed? Post your confession here
My flameworthy = I agree 100% with turtle.
you turtle. I have given up so much for my child including risking my job to care for him when they almost didn't hire me because I'm a single parent. Don't you dare try to say I don't put him first. I've given everything to make sure he has everything he needs and then some. Hell he is the reason I'm still alive instead of dead from cancer.
I'm the only person in this world that can make a judgement call on his well being and what is in his best interest along with a slight say so from his counselor. Try pulling the cactus out of your arse that makes you such a biatch.
Ok. Go ask your counsellor for her advice on this. Then report back and let us know what she says.
I may be a biatch for voicing my opinion on here, but at least I'm not going to screw my DD up by introducing her to every guy I date.
I love apologies that are facetious and self-righteous.
I'm not defending what J's been doing, and I agree with you that her thought-process seems a little skewed and that her actions are problematic. That can be conveyed without name-calling, which truly is more "fifth grade" than anything else in this post.
Approaching someone with concern instead of contempt is a much better way to persuade. I understand getting frustrated, but calling her an idiot is counterproductive. Instead of listening and considering what we've all been saying, she'll likely shut it all out now. Any good, constructive advice you might have given is now overshadowed by cruelty.
I'm not saying that I haven't ever lashed out at anyone on this board. Liubot's a case in point, but she was beyond help. J isn't near that far gone, and I hope you haven't alienated her entirely.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
I don't introduce every guy I date to DS and who says I'm screwing him up. He's happy, healthy and thriving. Hell I was against calling XH to drag him back in and so was everyone else but his counselor was the one that said to do it. I haven't heard from him since after DS threw such a fit of not wanting to talk to him. I have asked him a few times and he doesn't want to talk to him anymore so I'm not pushing it. She knows that I date and has no problem with him being around him. This isn't some guy I just met off of match or POF. I actually know him and have kept up with him on a weekly basis since I met him 6 yrs ago. He really is a decent guy and gets taken advantage of quite often for being that nice as I've seen it first hand.
You're still not convincing me. No one ever said J wasn't a good guy. That's not the issue. The point is that you just don't throw your kid into a brand new relationship. You don't get it. I'm done trying to get you to understand because you never will.
But it's cool for her, and others, to call me a biatch? Ok gotcha.
You should stop talking to the new guy until he comes back to the US, then see where it goes. You broke things off with Z Jan. 31 then Feb. 17 you were posting about going to Germany to see this new guy. My opinion- you held on to Z until something better came along. You had NO time in between relationships. You posted multiple times about wanting to be alone, get your life together, de-stress your life and boom, new guy comes into the picture and you've been hooked ever since. Learn to be alone and to love yourself before you throw yourself to someone else. What you're doing now is not healthy for you or your son.
Then we agree to disagree, leave it at that but saying I don't put my child first is a lie. You may not agree but if I ever thought that it would bring harm to my child I wouldn't do it. He is meeting this guy once and won't see him for a long time because as soon as he comes here in June, he leave 2 weeks later for CO to finish up his 20 months or so he has left before coming back here for good. That is not enought time to have a lasting effect on a 3.5 yr old. I don't bring him around guys I just meet. I wait a few months after dating them before doing that. This is the only exception I'm making and I don't see how him meeting this guy once for a day at the beach will harm him. He'll be having too much fun to notice.
If you'll recall, you lashed out first. You created the hostile dynamic. Are you really going to fault her for reacting in kind?
As you were quick to point out before, I don't "know you," but it's pretty clear from your interactions here in the past few days, that communication skills aren't your strong suit.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
My counselor and I talked in depth about Z. I had broke things off earlier than that but was guilted in to staying because he was "nice". He also broke his arm which I felt was my fault. I'm ok with being alone, I have before. I've built up so much on my own without a SO. I have a career, a DS, and soon to be a house. I have everything I have ever wanted but I choose to have someone in my life. As I've said before I spent a year by myself not dating and just living life day to day. It was fine but I would like more to my life than just day to day living. I'm not afraid to admit that I feel alone at times. I definitely do not need or want somone up my butt 24/7. That's kinda why I like that he's gone for 20 months because he'll be here off and on but not all the time. When he comes here after he gets out of the military I'll be ready to have someone in my life full time.
Lol. You reprimand me and then personally attack me? And I'm the one with communication issues? I didn't realize you were the almighty SO police. I'll start running all of my posts by you prior to posting them. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings over here.
No, it is not okay. And I did not call you a biatch, I was inferring that calling someone names was acting like a biatch. Why do we have to call someone names at all? I don't think you are a biatch nor is it okay for anyone to call you one. But like GOZF said, it is counterproductive to call anyone else names as well because people don't tend to listen when name calling starts.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Have you ever explored why you're so defensive, Turtle? Perhaps you ought to.
Once again, you prove my point. You fly off the handle and lash out. Having a rational, calm conversation seems to be beyond you. You attack first, and then get huffy when you're called out on it. There's no need to sugar-coat. By all means, make your feelings known and make a case for them. Sometimes, feelings will get hurt; it's inevitable. But you're like a badger in a corner. There's no need to be nasty.
As far as being the SO police, clearly I'm not, nor do I want to be. But I have a real; issue when people are mean for the sake of being mean. I'm not saying I haven't done it myself, but I don't like it when I do, and I try very hard not to. It's fundamentally uncool, and I see it as a sign of weakness when people rely on it.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
How can I not be defensive in this situation? You're sitting here trying to psychoalanyze me. You've repeatedly attacked me and my character in the past couple of days. And I haven't even said anything all that flame-worthy or controversial. I've never said anything just for the same of being mean.
I've been around here long enough and I've seen plenty of snarky and not so nice comments come from you. Apparently I should just start calling you out on everything that I don't agree with and point out what I believe to be your character flaws.
Duly noted, Dmarie. I will keep that in mind from now on. Thanks for not attacking me.
There's no psychoanalysis going on, and I've not once attacked you. I've also admitted that I have said snarky things, and understand what it's like to be frustrated with people. I know I'm not perfect, nor do I pretend to be. You're welcome to disagree with me at any point. You've certainly not been shy about it this week.
As far as commenting on your character goes, I only comment on what you've shown in the past few days. I have no grudges or vendettas -- or ammunition other than what you've given me.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
To me it sounds like you're attracted to him partly because he is halfway around the world and unavailable. It allows you to have an idealized vision of him, to fall for someone without the day to day pressures on a relationship, but also to believe yourself ready to move on. it's a defense mechanism.
I also find it ironic that people are jumping all over you for introducing your kid too quickly when I called out some of those people for doing the same thing months ago and was called overly opinionated and too black and white because I'm not SO.
My most recent X met my kid after 2 months of dating. He didn't really hang out with her until another month. I remember you saying this was not a good idea on one of my posts. I can't say you were wrong, though I do not regret my decision in this case.
That being said, DD is now almost 2 and things are different. She recognizes and remembers people now more frequently and becomes attached. I will be using the 6 month rule from now on.
JM, I just ask that you take things slowly. Be cautious.
You're a lying liar who lies. No one believes you actually spoke to this guy weekly for 6 years. Quit being so desperate for a guys attention. I'm pretty positive you're getting plenty of negative attention from the other fellas in his platoon who see your nudie pics.
Sorry, but I don't take the opionion too much of someone that is too scared to post under their real SN.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Mine's a little wacky...
So XBF (the one that beat me up) caught wind of me making new friends and facebook stalked all my mutual friends until he found who I was hanging out with. He called me from a private number 60 (YES 60) times last night and I had to block all numbers from calling me that aren't in my phone book.
I went on a date with that boy who was glued to my hip...it lasted 3 days. I didn't sleep with him, but he was a lot of fun and sweet and man he can make my knees weak with a kiss. I liked one of his status updates on FB and XBF flipped calling our one mutual friend saying I'm a monkey lover and a nig**r lover because said boy is half black.
It makes me sick that people who abuse will not leave your life unless you put them in prison...luckily I have every text from him stating that he is threatening, stalking, and breaking the PFA.
Ugh.
Flitty, I am really concerned about this. A man just beat the shiit out of you and you are already jumping into a new relationship. This has red flags ALL over it. You should be taking time to yourself.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Dmarie took the words right out of my mouth.
Yeesh.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
This. You even told this man that you were not ready. Listen to your own advice lady!
I know. I'm not jumping into a relationship, I went on a date that lasted 3 days...lol. I'm not planning on sleeping with this dude at all for a very very very long time. He knows my situation. It was more or less "Lets hang out" with his friends and brother, and then we made out for a while. It was fun, it got me out of my apartment, and if I never saw him again, I wouldn't be so sad.
It wasn't the smartest idea and I will admit that but I had a good time and it got my mind off of my scumbag beater XBF.
And 6 days ago you talked about how you "weren't feeling it" and you "aren't into him" and that you "just need a friend". WOW.....things sure change in 3 days. This dude gets a HUGE side eye from me. Huge.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Eh, I'll throw one in.
My FWB has met DS. He is part of my friends group and see DS on the days I hang out with everyone. FWB loves DS. That being said, I never have him over the house when I have DS. Personal rule. Flame-worthy or not I let you judge.
Ohh.....I *totally* see the difference now. It's not a relationship but we are going to spend 72 hours together, make out and eventually sleep together. Yeah, I do that with all of my friends...
No offense, but you aren't fooling yourself and you certainly aren't fooling us. I give it 2 weeks before you start calling him your BF. Maybe you should explore why you need this male attention right after getting the shiit beat out of you by your "knight in shining armor". Because right now, you shouldn't be seeking out ANY male attention whether it is a BF, a friend or this bullshiit that you are trying to lay on us now.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04