Politics & Current Events
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Discipline & Self Control
you fill my heart with gladness.
This might be my new all-time favorite line from the Nest.
Having had a very close alcoholic early in my life shape me... while I know that is simplistic (and addition is a disease, whether to food, alchohol or whatever)... my brain does have a hard time accepting alcoholism as well. I do secretly believe the alcoholic person that I am referring to, could have changed and hold that person responsible for the pain they caused. Maybe this is part of my non- PC views on this.
Regarding the post about the ability to have money to buy food, place to store it, etc -- AGREE. But if that was the only issue, then there would never be any higher income obsese people, which is clearly not the case either.
I never said it was not complex... it is. I just think that discipline is a big factor in almost every facet of life, including what most people's body's are like (size and health).
Seriously.
*pats couch*
Please. Tell me more about your theories on mental health.
And, please discuss how you handled proper eating and fitness during law school.
I used to struggle with my weight, but in opposite ways. I've never been more than 10 pounds overweight, but I was a dancer all my life and suffered from some serious eating disorders. Food has always been an unhealthy obsession for me. It was to the point that my life revolved around the number on the scale and number of calories more than anything else.
I think that for some people, both overweight and underweight, food is more than just nourishment - it's entertainment, pleasure, a tool to manage stress, etc. I know it used to be for me.
It wasn't until I started viewing food as something necessary to survive - as nutrients for health instead of flavors for pleasure - that I stopped struggling with these things. Now I don't really have to struggle to maintain my weight.
So, for me, self control has nothing to do with it. It's having a healthy relationship with food. I assume that is how it is for a lot of other people.
adamwife- I agree and that is generally how I think of food to, as nourishment. But for me at least, I see that as a choice. Sure, I can think about the yummy mexican cheese enchalata I could order, but I never do. I instead order the sensible option and eat half of it. For me... it is by habit, which was formed with discipline.
I think this is just different for different people.
And of course-- no I don't think this solves any problems or is the solution or anything else people have said. I also don't claim to be a therapist, have any sort of training, or even that any other person should beleive anything that I do.
And like someone said above, some people can be very successful without any discipline.
Just like some people can look like Heidi Klum and never exercise and eat lots of crap every day. People are born different.
What I was saying was more generally. I guess I can't think of a time that having discipline and doing the "prescribed" thing would generally lead to a worse result. So sure there will be people who get great things other ways, but I just don't see the downside to living a highly disciplined, self controlled life.
So, I went to law school, got decent grades, passed the bar and got a job. Am I disciplined because I did all of that or am I undisciplined because I'm 40 pounds overweight?
And that, my friend, is because you don't suffer from disordered eating.
Not sure I follow that logic. Going to law school, getting good grades and passing the bar can be done multiple ways... maybe you are naturally really smart, maybe you are disciplined, maybe you are not. Same for being 40 pounds overweight... you might be disciplined you might not be. My only point of the OP was that if you are disciplined, you certainly can't hurt your chances at reaching your goal. I think many problems would be better if more people did that (this is obviously a personal opinion that many people disagree with).
I work 50+ hours a week and go to school full time. I am also getting good grades and kicking as$ at my job. But I am totes undisciplined.
Yes and I don't get the connection? I never said you can not be succesful or get good grades, etc without discipline. I just said that I can't think of a time that having discipline would lead to a worse result and that I generally think that many problems that people seem to have, could end up with better results if they had more discipline (again just my opinion).
DUDE. I was being TIC about not being disciplined. I am very disciplined. It is just that discipline and self control alone are NOT THE ISSUE with my weight. JFC.
40/112
But I think you are also missing that different people require different amounts of discipline to do the same things. I am naturally normal to thin, and it takes absolutely zero discipline for me to be this way. I exercise when I feel like it, and I eat what I feel like eating, as much as I want. I naturally get a decent amount of activity, because I have found things I enjoy, not because I have any self-discipline. I can stop eating when there is food on my plate because when I am full that last bite appears kind of unappetizing to me. This is probably some combination of genetics, body chemistry, how I was raised, and my experiences. However, I had to go on a dairy-free diet for 6 months, and it was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done, harder than my 40 hour labor. I like asian food, I like vegan food, but I still could NOT stop thinking about buttery baked goods, milkshakes, cheesecake, grilled cheese sandwiches, all day. I actually cried thinking about cheese a few times. Trying to restrict what I ate totally screwed up my ability to deal with food in a normal manner. Once I could eat normally again, I was fine, but that taste of how hard it was to restrict my eating really opened my eyes.
I also think it's a totally unproductive/pointless conversation to just say, oh, if you were more self-disciplined, you could do it. I am really undisciplined in many areas of my life, and what helps more than saying to myself, oh just do it, is coming up with actual practical strategies to do whatever it is, that have nothing do with self-discipline, but more to do with dealing with a lack of self-discipline (i.e., making it easier to not be disciplined). Like if I make myself wash just one dish, instead of telling myself I have to wash the whole sink of dishes, it requires less self-discipline to get started, but I am also more likely to keep going once I start. Or getting the next day's lunch ready while I'm in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner, instead of sitting down to watch a tv show first.
I think for you, it sounds like your strategy is more to do the same thing every single day, so you don't even have to think about it. So in some ways it is self-discipline, in other ways it is just that you are not giving yourself a choice. Which is totally great that that works for you, but for most people the difficult part is getting into that routine in the first place.
dev. calm yourself.
mental illness = undisciplined. YWIA!
to clarify: by mental illness, I mean for many people *especially* people who are or have been morbidly obese, it's not about being disciplined, it's about their relationship with food. You know, an addiction, and not the kind of addiction where you can just walk away. One MUST eat to live. One can live without smoking, booze, drugs, gambling, etc.....
You know how we do
I agree with all of this. You know, some people also get the short end of the stick, congenially, socially, etc. BUT ... generally, it is hard to say that having a nicer disposition and social awareness will not more often than not result in a better outcome. nothing is guaranteed, but for instance (to use the social example) if you post on the nest 5 times a week and not say clueless, judgy comments, you have a better chance of being liked than someone who does not (sure some outlier might have some sort of disorder that makes them be subject to pi-like pile ons, but that is not the norm) or generally you think before you post, read the other posts, and reflect upon the attitudes of the board (again, there will be some that do this and get called MORANs and others that do this and become super popular due to their general social intelligence and memory) but again, generally.
*snort*
I
ESF
You know how we do
I suspect that as life goes on you'll encounter scenarios over which you honest-to-god have no control, could not have planned for and did nothing to deserve. Shits that will turn your life upside down. Maybe you'll get sick, your husband will cheat, you'll be in a wreck - who knows. And I suspect that at that time, you'll manage to choke down a slice of humble pie despite your impressive self-control and ability to say no to sweets. Hopefully then you'll realize that just because you've been lucky in life it does not mean you personally can pat yourself on the back for how hunky dory it all is. Be proud of your accomplishments, be grateful for the circumstances that allowed you to make them, and maybe try a little effing compassion and make room for the fact that you might not actually be cognizant of the challenges faced by others.
Frankly, I'm surprised and a bit alarmed that you have the social and empathetic maturity of a 20 year old and you're in your 40s. Also, it's believe.
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
At least no one yelled run fatty run at you while stoped at the lights in their holden ute, ahh Dubbo such class (the irony was that we looked like a prop that had eaten the whole front row and that I am only 3 kg shy of the healthy weight range..)
I utterly lack discipline when it comes to money. Fortunately for me, I was pretty and thin enough to marry a guy who manages it for me.
::curtsies::
it would be hard to sit on the couch with that stick up your asss.
but seriously, i am a control freak, but this is over the top.
This thread made me think of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH8xbDGv7oY
What a joke... i have had more pain and difficulties than many. Both of my parents died when I was young. I lived in an abusive household, etc. beleive me I have had lots of bad things happen. I just react differently than you might to those bad events. I know I did not have control over those things. But, I did have control over how I reacted to them and how they motivated me to do well in other areas.
I was in no way saying that we have control over everything. I actually said we don't. I am mature enough to know that it is not socially accepted to believe in pull your bootstraps and that it is the accepted thing to say that additions, mental illiness, etc are excuses for behavior. on a private message board I can say what I would not IRL (as to not offend anyone) but I think it is all BS... I hate the alcoholic that hurt me... I know the pain they caused, I saw that love and caring did not matter, I saw the descruction they caused... and you know what... while I feel for that person as a human for their own pain. But I still also hold that person responsible for their own pain and the pain they caused.
I will freely admit this has likely shaped my views.
Regarding another post... I also don't care if people like me on the boards, think I am an idiot, etc. It is an anoymous message board that means nothing to my general life. I like to use it as a way to have debates, ask questions that are taboo IRL, etc. If someone does not want to read it, don't. I am not posting on the nest for a popularity contest.
I am sure I probably would. I am a very controlled person IRL. I exercise a lot, eat very well, have virtually no vices (hardly drink, no caffeine, etc). I also work a lot, am very successful, and spend good quality time with my son.
I also married someone who has an equally dull personality, who appreciates the type of person I am and loves me for me.
I am sure I would not be someone many of you would enjoy being with IRL, but that does not bother me.
I love my life, am fulfilled and clear on who I am and who I am not.
People are different. I accept others (in that I would never ever outwardly judge someone, say anything to anyone, etc). I am a giant neutral to most people who are acquainted with me IRL.
I swear I feel like I have stumbled into a bizarro world on this board of late
Here is your vita top whole grain, low fat, self controlled muffin top NewlyWed...just go about scraping the bottom of your shoe off of the other scum of the rest of us that are blessed to share your air.