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Is this a stupid question..?
I've only posted once before, but I did indicate that I suspected H cheated while I was pg (and most likely into his infancy) with my now 3 year old ds. I have never confronted him with my suspicions.
About a year after that I developed my first cold sore. NEVER had one before. Never seen H with one. Of course at the time I freaked out, and did all kinds of research. I learned that a lot of people carry the virus and it can lay dormant. So I kind of let it go.
After just having another breakout, I can't stop thinking that the timing of it was...uh...a little convenient. Would you assume, that you just carried the virus and maybe the timing was actually just bad. Or would you assume your spouse cheated. For background sake, H and I have been together since 2001.
Re: Is this a stupid question..?
Is this a cold sore on your mouth? Are you stressed or sick, anything that might bring on a cold sore?
I'm curious as to why you say this timing is convenient.
I only meant convenient because I had my first outbreak ~1 year after the suspected infidelity. It just seems....odd that If I had been carrying this virus for my whole life it would come out then.
I've spent a lot of years ignoring and repressing our issues. And now that I'm starting to face things head on I can't get this out of my head. That maybe he gave it to me. My last outbreak was one month ago and yes I'm definitely stressed! But I was referring to the timing of the first outbreak.
If you think your husband cheated and you are now developing cold sores (which is a sign of herpes, obviously), I'd be going to the doctor for a full STD screen.
I don't do herpes research (I do HPV), so I can't say how the virus manifests or if it is just bad timing, but I'm sure a doctor could tell you much more and if, indeed, you have the virus to begin with.
My sympathies, cold sores are the worst. I get them. I got exposed in college from a boy I kissed. I don't understand how you can blame your DH for giving you the virus if he's never had an outbreak. How is it his fault? How do you think you got infected? If you don't know, how/why is he suspicious?
And really, the bigger question is - why haven't you cleared the air about the suspected affairs after all these years?
My Nursing classes have taught me this: the thing about cold sores is that its a virus, and it will place itself right inside of your nervous system. And it lies dormant there until periods of high stress (physical illness, mental/emotional duress) occur.
You've been with your husband since 2001 - you could have had it the whole time, and it just create an outbreak. 80% of our population have cold sores, so you honestly could have gotten it from anywhere.
For example, my husband gets cold sores every so often when he's really stressed out. I have been with him for 5 years and never once had one in my life. However, doesnt mean I dont carry the virus, could just be dormant. Might present, might not..Thats just how it works.
At the end of the day, you need to get your arse to the doctor, get a full screen done.
Oh, and you also need to confront your husband with your feelings, because I think carrying on in your marriage with a huge elephant in the room is ridiculous. Take charge of your life, get answers on all fronts!
The thing about herpes is it can go for a very long time without presenting. I'm not saying that totally clears your H of any blame, but as livinitup said-- how can you blame him if you don't even know HE has it?
Cold sore or not, why haven't you brought up your suspicions?
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I'm sorry, your H cheated on you while you were pregnant and delivering a baby and you are worrying about a cold sore he may or may not have given to you?
Something is so off here.
As pp said 80% of adults have been exposed to the virus, and therefore carry it in their nerve cells where it remains dormant until a stressor triggers an outbreak.
You need to talk to your H about your suspicions. You should be tested for other STDs because of your gut feeling. Your cold sores are incidental.
I had a cold sore in sixth grade and didn't get another for twenty or so years.
Yeah, they can lay dormant. And you didn't have to get it from your DH. Obviously, I wasn't fooling around when I was in elementary school, right?
it is kind of like this:
Your house is burning down.
You are asking us what kind of curtains would look good with your couch.
Put the fire out.
Figure out what is going on with you and your DH's relationship. Cold sore, no cold sore, suspected cheating and staying quiet about it for over 3 years is something that would drive a wedge in any relationship. Hopefully you can find a good marriage counselor.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
in short, yes. Yes, it is.
like pp's have said, focus on the bigger issue: your cheating H.
It is a stupid question compared to the question you should be asking your husband.
It's not a stupid question, but it is the wrong one.
FWIW I've always been prone to sores when I don't get enough sleep. This is something that's happened my entire life and my mom and sister get it too. So, he could have given it to you or you might have had it all along. But at the end of the day, he still cheated and you still need to talk to him about it.
Ignoring this issue and hoping that it wil go away it not going to work. It hasn't worked for you for the past 3 years and that's not going to change. You need to get yourselves professional help, because this is not a healthy marriage.
Practically everyone has HSV I, dude. For real. This is not genital herpes - it can be transmitted via oral sex and become genital herpes, but unless your vagina is blistering you are like 97% of the population who gets cold sores.
Also, totally agree with your focus being like, OFF.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
I've confronted him with my suspicions. He denies it, gets angry that how could I even think such a thing. And then......??? Yeah, not sure how I walk away from that one.