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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
If you don't have kids- do you date guys with kids?
I was hesitant at first, but I'm talking (online) to a guy with three little girls and I think we're going to meet for a drink.
The day I left was just my beginning.
Re: If you don't have kids- do you date guys with kids?
I have a kid but I am curious to see responses to this...
I prefer to date guys with no kids or kids that are grown as my son definitely would be better as an only child
I won't date someone with kids, but I do know that there are several people out there that do!
Have fun!!!
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
no i will not date guys with kids or guys who are divorced (i've never been married).
I am 38 and i thought that would be hard to find but i'm so glad i stuck to my guns because i met a wonderful guy 41, no kids, never been married who is not a weirdo!
Before I was married (and divorced), I wouldn't date guys with kids. After my divorce, I figured that at 30, I'd be narrowing my chances of meeting a really great guy if I didn't consider guys with children. I'm not interested in dating guys younger than me, and a lot of men in their 30s already have kids.
My current bf has one daughter. It definitely took some adjusting too, but now I think it's fine. The thing that stands out to me is that it's pretty easy to date a guy with kids (especially if they don't have primary physical custody), but becoming serious with a guy with a child brings on a new set of challenges that you have to prepare yourself for. For me, it's worth it, but it's not always easy.
With all that said, I don't know if I'd be open to dating a guy with three young(er) children. One, or maybe even two, but three might be pushing it.
Yeah, three kind of seems like a lot for me, but I'm willing to meet him and see if we hit it off. He did say he waits before introducing anyone to his kids, so I was relieved to hear that.
I only gone on one date wtih someone that had kids and that was many years ago...
I'm actually up for it, considering I LOVE kids and want children. I think if this was a few years ago, I'd be more hesitant, but I'm at a point in my life where I was planning on starting a family anyways. I don't feel that kids would hold me back or tie me down. Multiple kids make me a bit more hesistant for some reason. One or maybe two? I think I could handle it if it was the right situation for me (and him, of course).
I know what goes into dating someone with kids a bit, but only from watching my sister who is a single mom and dating. I've also learned what NOT to do from her experience (I think she introduces her BF's to her daughter WAY too soon and a variety of other things that I have to keep my mouth shut closed for).
There are a few things that I'd be concerned about if I do date a single dad like what is there relationship like with their kids mom? Do they have regular visitation/schedule? If not, why not? (this would be a huge red flag), how involved are they with their child/ren. Do they want more kids (as I certainly want kids of my own, but am more than happy to be a step mom and have more children with my partner.)
That being said...I have a date this weekend with a single dad. He has a son that's pretty young but has him 3 nights a week, so it seems like he's A. a very active parent and B. a good relationship with his son's mother. Of course, this is just an assumption. I have no idea about the real story, but I'll find out.
Why no divorced men?
I was open to the idea and D is the first man that I've dated with kids... they're older 12, 15 and 18 so that actually was a bit of a draw as I thought about the long-term. I'm not sure I could handle younger children.
It's definitely been an adjustment and I knew that I would be number 4 in his life. Honestly if I was number 1, I probably wouldn't respect him. He's a terrific father and he's made the transition of introducing me VERY easy. The kids all like me and while it can be hard for us to see one another since he's 1.5 hours away, we're making it work.
The only issue is the ex, she's just a nightmare and has made his life and the kids' life a living hell since she's realized I'll probably be sticking around for awhile. We've just had to learn to set boundaries with her and hope she settles down.
Go for it and see what happens, it's just drinks! Of course, that's what I thought when I went out with D for the first time
While, I would date someone who has been divorced, my BF is also 41 no kids and never been married.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
This is why I won't date someone with kids. I love kids, but I don't want to deal with a crazy ex.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
Yep, she's definitely been a challenge and I've had to think long and hard about what a future with him would be like knowing she will always be around in some way. It will obviously ease up once the kids are 18 and he handles her extremely well and I made sure their dynamic was as healthy as possible. Plus, he's such a d*mn good man that that negative is far out-weighed by all of his positives!
No one seriously until now. I've dated guys for a few weeks up to a month and a half or so that had kids, but never anything serious enough to where we even discussed possibly meeting them.
I think if you discount guys with kids, you lose out on possible great guys. I'm finding that my BF is very loving and responsible and unselfish, which are traits that some of the childless guys I dated were lacking. He's also very fun, which I think goes with running around with 2 kids and trying to keep up with them!
Yeah. This is the other reason.
It would be my preference not to.
I have no kids.
I want any man that I would date to be open to having children with me.
I agree with this. Hubby does the same thing to me. Another reason for me to think about leaving. Sorry you had to go through this.
Honestly I don' tknow if I would date another man with children or not. Guess I would have to see. I don't want any children of my own, but I have also dealt with being a step mom and that hasn't been very welcoming. So it's hard to say.
I think you make a great point...I would expect the child/ren to be the #1 priority in their life and anything less would raise a GIGANTIC red flag to me. I wouldn't want to date a single parent that didn't make their children a priority.
Exactly this.
I am not trying to offend you... but I think most sinlge parents would be willing to admit no partner would ever be on the same level as their child.
That being said the love for a child and the love for a partner are obviously different and though my SO would probably never be #1 they would be cherished and I hope they would also see my child as THEIR child and put them and any other children first.
Like I said I am not judging you. Being a step-parent isn't for everyone and it sounds like your X didn't do the best job of making you feel included/a priority and you have to do what is right for you.
I am up front about the fact that my kids comes first and if a guy doesn't like that then he isn't for me. That is totally fine, I would rather know sooner rather than later.
i am trying to reduce drama in my life and i see what my divorced friends deal with in regards to ex's and i just dont want that. i'm aware this probably makes me sound like a huge biitch but it was just something i wasnt willing to compromise on.
now if i'm well into my 40s and still single, then maybe i would reconsider. but things are going really well w/ BF so hopefully i wont have to ever date again. lol
Thank you. He also makes it known to the children that I am extremely important to him so they don't walk over him and completely dominate his personal life. They're really great kids! He didn't date anyone for the three years of the separation/divorce because he wanted to make sure they were his main focus and they were ok. And I think that really helped when I came along... they saw that I meant a lot to him and they were even asking before we met when he was going to start dating again. He's pretty awesome
I can see where you're coming from, but honestly I'm divorced with pretty much no X drama. Like, none. I don't speak to him, don't live in the same state as him any longer so there is no need to run into him. If I had to deal with him for some reason, we'd be civil. I realize there are a good amount of divorced people that may have more strained relationships with their X, but there are a number of us out there that have no drama.
I'd hate for someone to not date me simply because I'm divorced and they label every single one as "drama". But I guess I wouldn't date someone who wouldn't date someone that has been divorced.
Unless they have kids together I see no reason why any divorced couple should still have drama. I haven't spoken to my ex husband since the divorce, he texted me a couple times about reasonable things like mail getting sent to the wrong address and whatnot but that is it. Zero drama.
If I was dating back home (Europe) I would go for someone with no kids because it's not hard at all to find a 30-something guy with no kids. It's almost the norm actually.
Here in the US it's way harder to find someone who doesn't have a kid by age 30. So I wouldn't rule them out but there would be several conditions. 1st, he should be willing to have more kids. And I would also look at how he is with his kids. If he rarely sees them/have little contacts with them that would be a red flag for me. Also, if he is amicable to his X that would be a positive factor.
No. At least, I didn't when I was dating. If I were to become single again, I still wouldn't be up for that.
Agreed. I have no drama with the ex. I haven't seen or talked to him in who knows how long. Don't even know where he lives.
It doesn't make you sound like a biitch because divorced people have nothing to defend. It does makes you sound close minded. I'd never date someone who took issue with someone being divorced (regardless of whether I had been divorced) because it's judgmental and immature.
Every divorce is different. It doesn't mean someone is damaged. In fact, it there's more to say about the person who takes issue with dating a divorced person than the person who is divorced.