Politics & Current Events
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Religion s/o In which KCB bares her soul to the board for some help
I can 100% agree with this post, except the opposite way. I had been struggling with my faith for a long time. I'll admit that I was scared to give my life to the Lord because I thought "What if I don't have fun anymore? What if I turn into a Bible thumper? How will this affect my relationships with friends and family? Will I still like who I am?" And guess what? When I finally figured out who I was, I found an incredible sense of peace. Becoming a Christian has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. For, you it may be accepting you are Athiest, or Jewish, or anything else.
So, treat the anxiety, and allow yourself to search for an answer knowing that it isn't always as crystal clear as we would like. You will figure it out.
Chiming in to pretty much ditto sibil and BB. I grew up in the Episcopal church and that was just the way it was. I think, like Bunny, I always had doubt - it was (and I am sorry this will sound offensive to some) a lot like believing in Santa. I always had a suspicion that it was not real, but really wanted to believe. The afterlife conundrum was a big part of it.
I slowly shed the label of Christian and adopted that of agnostic, and in grad school adopted the label of atheist. It felt like a dirty word and like I was cheating on something. But over time, it felt more comfortable, and really - in the last couple of years, it has become a label I have no shame of AND that comforts me.
There is a fundamental difference in world views of those who believe in god and those who do not, and the afterlife defines so much of that. Once I really let go of it, I actually felt MORE comfortable. I know that when I die, that will be it. There will be no heaven and no seeing my deceased loved ones, but neither will there be pain or sadness. What counts is every moment of every day and how I impact the lives of those I will ultimately leave behind. It's strange and surreal to think about, but a lot more understandable and logical than the alternative.
Believe me that the biggest challenge to how "OK" I was with this was/is facing that my own death could be much sooner that I ever expected. What I have found is that I don't need faith in an afterlife to feel less scared. I don't need prayer to comfort me when I am facing a scan or a blood draw. Life is stochstic, random, unpredictable. I have confidence in science and the ability of my doctors, the support of family and friends and the certainty that this is the only life I will ever be lucky enough to have. It makes me more present and accountable than any religion could, and it brings me the peace of knowing that I alone am responsible for my destiny (through my actions) in the face of the unpredictable day to day.
Now... I think that you also perhaps have some physiological anxiety to tackle, and hopefully once you are feeling on more stable ground, you will feel better able to reconcile your faith and doubts. Hang in there.
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
I also grew up Christian - I call it a pseudo-cult - and have since become atheist. I think that I was one of those people who never really did believe, so it wasn't hard for me to come to terms with my atheism (although there was a time when I said I was agnostic, I think because at least it allowed for some sort of belief in God).
However, I read a book by someone who used to be a preacher and became atheist, which I found really interesting. It's called, Godless by Dan Barker.
Good luck with everything.
You're having those thoughts because of anxiety. What have you tried? meds? CBT?
Sorry, I asked all those questions then disappeared.
I fully agree that you should have your anxiety treated.
In conjunction you can also explore other religions/ideas if you see fit. I've read about, attended services of, and studied many different religions. In the end it confirmed for me that I am a Christian (of the Methodist variety :op). For you, it might confirm that you're agnostic, or atheist, or Buddhist. The important thing is to find something that fits you, and not try to stuff yourself into a belief system just because you think that's what you should be.
My personal opinion on this is that now's not the time to be reading this and that book. I think you need to address your anxiety medically. I think your anxiety will cloud your ability to take in anything in those books.
The Catholic part of me also thinks you should spend some time praying because it doesn't sound to me like you truly are an atheist. I tend to agree that a sense of peace is a sign of God, but I also believe that there are times when feeling uncomfortable is God nudging us in a different direction.
Hugs.
I feel a little awkward talking positively about atheism for fear I'll be seen as trying to recruit you
Especially when you say you don't want to be one.
Since you kind of answered that with anxiety about afterlife, I think addressing anxiety may help you ask/answer your questions without the influence of fear.
I do have a whole deconversion story I wrote out once, and I'll email it to you if you like. I kind of bared my soul in it, and it was good to write. I'm not ready to post it publicly (nor do I think most people would care to read it), but I feel like I was at one point exactly where you are now. I think many people have been there. Some become atheists, like me, and some don't. Chances are you have many more resources for seeing the religious pov than the atheist, so that's why I offer it up, not to recruit.
Dan Barker's book is a quick and interesting read. If you don't know anything about him, he was a baptist preacher for years, as he was losing his faith (and subsequently family). But, I'm not sure it's right for where you are now.
For me, the more I read the Christian books, like Case for Christianity, or some other things my Christian friends brought me, the more I realized I couldn't believe. There was so much cognitive dissonance, because I desperately wanted to believe (it brings peace and hope, right? And I sorely needed that). Even though I'd long accepted the atheist label, reading the God Delusion was (this is cheesy) finding a friend who just got it and was able to articulate better than I the own thoughts in my head.
OMG. next someone from the gayz will try to get me.
Thanks for the offer, I'm definitely not at that point (yet?) but I'll put it in my file.
My hyper religious mother and sister are coming in tomorrow, so that should be... fun? i tried speaking to my mother about this earlier this year and it was less than helpful, she just threw some platitudes at me and then she said she thought Santorum was pretty good and that was pretty much the end of that conversation. You all are really some of the smartest religious (and non-religious) people I know, which is what I needed. i can't discuss this helpfully with someone i want to smack sense into half the time. (no i wouldn't smack my mother, i swear)
Well, if you listen to the nutjobs, we atheists are out to recruit in all those librul government schools and universities.
From the perspective of someone who's been agnostic/atheist for over a decade, I think the advice to pray to a god you're finding difficult to believe in seems weird, but looking back, that's exactly what I did. It's also exactly what was so frustrating, that I got nothing but silence in return.
Of course, I only asked Christian friends, even went to see one of their pastors who had the exact opposite effect on me if he was trying to turn me to religion. I think if I'd had people who told me I wasn't alone in a lack of belief, it would have been easier. I was told I wasn't alone in questioning, but I literally knew of no one who was an atheist, except my boyfriend who came to the conclusion around the same time I did, so he didn't have any answers, either.