Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Shall we do flamefuls or confessions to liven the board up?
Some tequila would really make this "Good Friday" haha
I can't do tequila, but I'm more than ready for a drink right now!
I know how you feel! I had been doing pretty well and losing weight and then earlier this week I went nuts and had a bunch of desserty stuff, now I feel like I gained a million pounds. I only weigh once a week though, so I'll find out the damage tomorrow morning. I kind of doubt it's as bad as I imagine... but oh well.
It definitely took me a long time to get to the point where I don't really freak out over stuff like that, so I don't blame you. Just take some deep breaths, relax, and focus on the things that you can do in the future, not the things you did in the past.
Man, I suck at flaming.
I just started going back after like three months. if I lose ten pounds this year I will be thrilled : ) Even if you're up two, you've made progress
This isn't a bad thing, Becca. You have your daughter all.the.time. It is exhausting to do that and make time for dating. I have my daughter all but 6 to 8 hours a week. I go in spurts in dating. I do it for a while, and then I get tired of it and take a break. I'm taking a break right now.
Actually, I think it's a good thing not be too gung ho on it. That way you won't come off as desperate when you do start dating again.
I felt like such a biatch once but I got SO excited because one of my clients cried. It is really weird to go to your boss and say "oh my god, I just got so and so to cry!".
It was significant, however, because she was hugely avoidant and NEVER let her negative feelings out.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
I made someone cry in the 7th grade cuz I told our teacher, right in front of the girl and all of our friends, that she liked him. HAHA. I guess I've always been a biatch.
I almost never cry. I just am not wired that way. I use to be a manager of about 30 women and boy there was was more crying than I could handle. I would find myself getting very irritated when they cried in my office talking to me. I feel that may be flame worthy?
Oh I don't blame you at all. I'm very glad I work in construction, so it's almost all men, and practically no crying.
I don't really cry either and I do get irritable when people cry sometimes. I think part of it came from losing my Mom, I developed a lot of emotional defense mechanisms, and part of it comes from doing work that is really depressing. I do get emotional in certain circumstances, but I kind of have to give myself permission first.
I am totally fine if victims cry, I just feel bad I made this woman cry. In my defense, she said she was crying because I asked a lot of questions and she's stressed about the situation but thats kind of my job : (
Here is my flameful.
I have a female friend that has had an on again off again LDR with this idiot in California. He is a real deadbeat. They have a daughter together and he never calls, asks about her, doesnt pay CS. I have repeatedly told her how much of a loser this guy is and that her daughter and her deserve better.
Well of course he lured her out to California with promises that he has turned his life around and wants to be the father his daughter deserves..blah blah blah. I tell her it is 100% a crock of *** and almost beg her not to go. She goes...a few days later I get a call from her. He beat the shiit out of her, and most of the beating while she was holding her daughter. I drive over to see her and her face is bruised as well as many bruises up and down her torso.
This is the SECOND time he has attacked her. I go thru my usual routine of giving her a hug, telling her everything will be ok, and how sorry I am this happened to her and her daughter. As I am leaving she says that the idiots family has been calling and begging her to not to cooperate with the DA so they will drop the charges. This is pretty close to my exact quote to her:
"If you let this dirtbag off the hook do not EVER contact me again. Also if you keep putting yourself in horrible situations then dont act so gawddamn surprised when horrible things happen. Honestly, you are effing reckless with your life and your daughters, I pray to God you realize that someday"
I was very harsh on her...I am sure Kellbell is seething mad at me right now.
Get a good lawyer and divorce is @ss.
I am starting to think that.
Wait a minute, if you are married, won't the bankruptcy affect him too?
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
I had a similar situation years ago with an ExBF. I paid for a new engine in his car and it was clear that he was supposed to pay me back. I took him to small claims court and won. Depending on the amount, you may not have to get a lawyer. I think anything under $5000 is small claims and you can handle yourself.
Although, yeah, if you're getting a divorce you need to lawyer up. And perhaps they can just take care of this situation with the divorce?
I have ears AND a tail!
Haha I was going to get a tail but I didn't like what they had in stock
Note to self - remember to put DD's bunny ears somewhere for safe keeping after Easter.
MCC - you crack me up!
Actually no. For me its pretty context dependent and your response calibrates to her actions. Here, you have felony child abuse and a kid who's seriously at risk so yeah, I'd be pissed too. And while I do think DV victims needs to have emotional support, people they can talk to, and not be belittled or made to feel bad about themselves, sometimes they also need a kick in the pants or someone to hold their feet to the fire. You've backed her up so far and she knows she can come to you, if his entire family is pressuring her, someone close to her needs to be the counter pressure. Maybe that's you.
I'd say stick on her and let her know you're there for her, but keep pressuring her. Some of my best cases have come around because the victim is more scared of disappointing a family member or friend by going back than they are of losing the guy.
Generally I think calling victims idiots is a bad way to go, but sometimes if it's well motivated and well played it can be what keeps someone out of the relationship.
Now you can flame me for being a hypocrite or bipolar or some such thing.
They sell lingerie with the tail attached to the underwear, there are poofs on the top bra part. Long story, but my friend showed me hers and made me wear it in public once. I weighed like 20 lbs less than I do now.
Please explain. Do you all have separate finances? Was the $ a loan or a gift? Does he have the money to help you with your financial issues now? Why doesn't he want to help?
I'm leaning towards your H is a flaming ***, but would like more info to be sure. I know separate finances work for some people but I can't imagine divvying it up and then refusing to help one another out of a jam.
No because I am filing it separetly for myself not with him or jointly.
So your H is watching you struggle financially and he's going to let you file bankruptcy? And he refuses to help you? And you need to come on here to ask for advice regarding what you should do? You already know the answer.
We have separate finances and always had - he has wanted it that way. I never said if it was a loan or gift - he was in a bind when the engine blew and when his tires blew so I paid for them because I was the only one with the money. Yes he can give me a couple hundred a month to get this all done with but he wont'. He says it's my problem and he says it's not his problem and that's basically what he says.
WOW. So he's ok with you filing BANKRUPTCY because he doesn't want to pitch in a little every month? I'm sorry that makes me sad for you, he should be helping you and supporting you through crummy situations like that instead of making you feel worse and more stressed out.
If you were to move out and get an apartment or something would that lower your cost of living to where you wouldn't have to file? Do you feel ok sharing how the financial situation got that bad? Are you just splitting household bills 50/50 with you making less?