Family Matters
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: DH's Daily Visits to MIL
That's kind of why I want to address it now. It's gotten progressively worse since the wedding and I worry about it when we have kids.
Just this week we've done meals with her 3 times (dinner two nights and lunch on Sunday). I'm just beginning to feel a bit suffocated. I love that he makes his mom a priority, but I'm beginning to feel like I'm in a married with 3 people (me, him, and his mom).
It's just a hard subject to bring up without it coming across wrong. Even if she drives me a little nutty, it's still his mom and I need to show her respect. I would never want him complaining to me about his mom, so I need to tread lightly.
Exactly
I love my inlaws, but dinner three nights a week? That's a no.
I do think it's strange that he goes over there; then again, I don't live in the same city as my family (as of yet). My mil's family all live in towns very close to each other, and while I feel like they are always on top of each other, I don't think they get together even that often.
I wouldn't make a stand on the breakfast visits until it starts affecting your relationship (if it ever does), but it's time to nip this constant meals at moms thing in the bud. I would say its fair pick one night a week to be mil's night (I myself would do once a month, but that be too much too fast) - say, every Tuesday dinner is for mil, do one night a week for your folks if they are close by, and that's it barring birthdays or other special occasions. Otherwise, the rest of the meals are family time - to foster your new family you just made with your husband, whether it's one of you cooking a big meal or just munching on Chinese take out while watching a movie together. As everyone else has already mentioned, if you don't establish boundaries now, once you have kids it will be a nightmare.
Well she already gets church and lunch with us every single Sunday. And a drop in from her son every single morning. Which means she sees him 6 days per week.
And since my DH parent's are divorced it makes it harder because then we have 3 sets of parents to see.
I think a lot it stems from DH's parents divorce. MIL is remarried but still sees her son as the "stable" figure in her life. For example, during wedding photos she didn't care at all the her husband of 15 years wasn't there yet and had us go ahead and take all of our family shots without him. As long as the son was in them she was good.
I think she feels like she's losing him, which is why meals are such a big deal to her. But that's not my intention. It isn't a competition, and I'm glad he treats his mom well.
I agree I need to set boundaries on the meals with her several times a week though. Fo sho.
I agree it is a little much. However the only real issue I can see here is that she may be overly dependent on him and will continue to need him more often or say on your days off or vacations she is showing up or calling constantly.
I wouldn't worry too much about you not giving him something that she is. Perhaps he is worried about her in some way and needs the reassurance or it could simply be that she can't function without daily visits. If it starts to bother you or you really wonder if he is needing more from you so he gets it from his mom just ask him. Ask him why he goes everyday. Just a thought~
This was my thought. Morning routines with kids are tough, especially if you both work. Him running out 30-40 minutes earlier than necessary because he has to go to his mom's EVERY day would be insanely annoying.