Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: FFFC
I'm superstitious. Completely. I am going to work from home today whether my boss approves or not (he never gave me a final word yesterday, and I don't want to drive into work), because I'm terrified of driving. Aside from my trip to Costco to get gas under $4.
I was supportive of the pregnancy b/c she said she had decided to keep the baby and do it on her own. At that point all I can say is good luck and all baby's are a blessing. There is no point in scolding her about having a baby cause she is codependent.... what's done is done.
Therapy has been mentioned to her often and I didn't have the energy at the time to repeat again and again.
PS - I fully plan on looking moving in about 4 years. I want to find a job in a warmer climate and get away from my X. May parents want to move too, we have always wanted to live somewhere closer to water and in a warmer climate... having more miles between me and my X (when he is released) is a big, big BONUS!
Well I can totally understand, especially if your parents would move. My mom got so upset at the idea of me moving ever, but I told her she could come too! I just feel like, with exes like ours, it's such a scary thing. I'm not into parental alienation but we all know these men are not normal.
My 30th is next Friday and unless I take one of my BFF's offer up to come over from OH my plans are 1) go out to eat with the folks while someone watches DD or 2) sushi and a little wine at home by myself. Weirdly enough the latter sounds less sad.
SO not ready for the 30's right now!
Just chiming in with my experience in moving away from the X... We had joint custody and I was planning to take him to court to allow me to move. He said there was no way he was going to let me. But once the court date drew near he just let me. And he was a very involved dad too ... had my son 50% of the time. And he just let us move 1,000 miles away without much of a fight at all.
Yes, I'm not saying scold her or don't support her decision to keep it, but I was surprised that nobody has pointed out so far that she's substituting one codependency for another.
NY: I think you have nothing but good intentions for the baby but my concern for you is not that you will repeat your parents mistakes. I am sorry your parents sucked, nobody deserves to grow up feeling unwanted. But when you need the validation of someone else in your life so that you can feel worthy and wanted its easy to do a complete 180 and wind up raising your kid in a way where they're smothered and know that you rely on them for emotional support. That's not healthy either. It does your kid no good if you're bouncing between men looking for validation or if you rely completely on your child for emotional support and validation.
Interesting. So what does his visitation look like now, or after you moved? How involved is he now?
I've had a bad week and my patience for this latest codependent has run out. I'll just ditto whatever kellbell wrote.
They talk and skype probably 3-4 times a week. He came down to visit for like 4 days in Dec (we moved in Sep) and my son went up for spring break. My son is going to spend the summer up there. It's always my idea and I have to push him to arrange the visits though. I encouraged him to visit for the two weeks of Christmas (there or here) and he declined. He tried to back out of spring break too because he didn't try to buy the ticket until the last minute but I made him follow through because my son was already looking forward to it. He was always a decent dad, but he's not the kind of guy that ever really "makes anything happen".
I think therapy will be great, but better will be making changes on the outside. All the therapy in the world won't make you feel good about yourself when you're a f*ckup, because you know damn well there's nothing here for you to feel good about. But if you devote your life to actually being the kind of person you can be proud of, then feeling good about yourself will follow.
At this point nyg&p thinks of herself the way we all think of her, as that mess who was some married man's side piece and then had unprotected sex with some random dude and got knocked up. And she's not wrong. But each good thing she does, every time she volunteers for a cause she cares about, or learns a new skill, or takes up some sort of new interest, that will become a part of her identity, and the longer she goes without doing something stupid, the smaller a part of her identity her bad decisions will be. After a while she'd be the woman who learned from her bad decisions and became this interesting person with all this life experience, and hell, who wouldn't be proud of that?
As an aside, not all babies are a blessing.
Maybe we can start some kind of a commune in a warm climate where we all go with our kids to get away from our crazy Exes and live happily ever after?
Who's in???
I don't have a crazy ex (well, I do, but we had no kids and he's long gone) but I'm in!
As long as there's a hot poolboy, that is.
Count me in. I'm sick of the cold, damp climate here. I need sunshine and warm weather.
Absolutely....hot poolboys and shirtless muscular butlers for everyone!!!!