cheating or not? (long!) VENT

TarponMonoxide · April 2012

moniquegrc995:
Hun, I am soo sorry you're having to go through this. I, of all people know how hard it is to leave sometimes. Our situations are completely different (I was in a abusive relationship and was married), but our predicaments, being 19 and pg are the same. Some of these women on here are so judgmental and hurtful, I can't imagine hearing those things in your condition. IMO you should leave, I would leave; however, you have another option you can get over it and move on. I think it is possible for you both to move on from this and create a constructive relationship, if you are both willing to work at it. Yes, it's gonna take both of you. Whether or not he views what he was doing as cheating, as for your reaction you felt it was cheating and that's what important, he needs to understand that. You're going to have to be able to let it go, and never bring it up negatively again, you have to make the choice to not hold it against him. He's going to have to end all of his behavior and seek help. If you feel you can't let this go it is safest for you to leave. Your son deserves more than to be in an unhappy environment. It took realizing all the negative consequences my son would have to endure with me staying to leave my 1st husband. Your son should be your #1 priority and if you think about it that way, I'm sure you know it in your heart what is the right thing to do.

Uh, this IS cheating.

You do not have to screw the person for it to be cheating.

No decent man in a relationship with a SO sends inappropriate photos to ANYONE, be it somebody he is well acquainted with or a stranger.

And once a cheater, always a cheater. It never fails --- and very very few guys age 19 are ready for the commitment of fatherhood; even fewer are ready for a long term committment to one person.

What he should have done --- if he viewed this relationship as OVER:

Instead of cheating, he should have sat you down and very clearly stated his intentions: this relationship was no longer for him and that he would be terminating the relationship and leaving asap.

That sucks too but much much better than cheating on you with somebody else.

moniquegrc995 · April 2012

I completely agree with you that this IS indeed cheating, I am simply stating that to a lot of people in this day and age, as long as there is no physical contact, it is not cheating. Whether or not anyone else agrees with him, that may be how HE views it. He needs to understand that it doesn't matter what HE thinks but rather how it made HER feel. I agree that his age is a huge factor in being able to commit; however, it is possible. Once a cheater, always a cheater does not always apply. There are often a lot of levels to why a man cheats, not just the fact that he wants to have sex with other people. If they both wanted it to work, it could work. I have seen horrible distrust issues turn into the best part of a couple's relationship. Regardless of what you would do, or think you would do, it's not always easy to leave the situation when you are in the midst of it. She needs to understand she has options, but she is the only one who can do what's right for her and her baby.

MrsD2006 · April 2012

Am I the only one who read this and immediately thought MUD?

casey0982 · April 2012

You are actually VERY rude.

Going to deny any advice I have given you is wrong? I dare you to.
Everyone's situation is different. And I am sure you have made some mistakes in your life and not listened when you have been given advice.

Uh huh. And I have a bridge in Brooklyn I can sell ya:

I too am one of the few that got pregnant while using the pill. It happens. And I am very thankful it did because my son is one of the 2 best things to happen to me.

Age has nothing to do with it. So she's 19. How do you know they havent been together for years? It doesn't make her love for him any less. And the fact that she loves him makes it a tough decision to leave or stay. People want to believe the best of people. Especially people they love and are having a baby with. Although I don't believe anyone should stay together for the sake of the children, I do believe that if he didn't physically cheat and is willing to seek counciling, she should give him a chance. If he doesnt chance, by all means, kick him to the curb. But you need to do what makes you happy.

There is a difference between helpful advice and hurtful, judgemental criticism. You shouldn't judge someones life til you have walked in their shoes.

tartaruga · April 2012

Trissa19firsttimemommy:
TarponMonoxide:
19 and unmarried and having a chalupa?

Too bad your screename isn't Trissa19Whoknowshowtousebirthcontrol.

WOW...

You've got quite the kettle of fish here, kiddo:

19, unmarried and you have a cheating boyfriend. As you can see, very very few 19 year olds are ready for a commitment with one person:

I feel like this whole pregnancy has been one thing after another, piles on piles of stress. And to be honest, I think it could have gone a lot smoother if I were single.

A week and a day ago I found out that my bf has had a 2nd gmail account that he has been sending pictures of his genitals to women all around the globe and receiving the same kind of pictures/videos too...

Now a week later, I asked him last night what he decided to change his REAL gmail password to and he lied. I decided to check this morning just to see and sure enough it wasn't what he said last night. And he thinks HE has a right to be mad.

Well, I don't think we're going to make it through this. And I'm devastated because he is the love of my life or I thought he was...and there is only 6 days until my due date! He has been mostly horrible to me throughout this already stressful/high-risk pregnancy. He has only made it worse on me.

I just feel so depressed and like I am hurting my baby boy. I don't know what to do )':

What you DO:

Open the door, tell the bum to gtfo and then you make sure you see an attorney to get some sort of child support from this little bum.

And then get tested. He's picking up other women/men and one never knows if genital to genital sex did not occur with that individual. Protect yourself and your unborn child.

And after the baby is born:

USE BIRTH CONTROL RELIGOUSLY.

And don't go running out and getting another boyfriend, after you've given this jerk the heave. Not a good idea to date anybody right away...in YOUR case, take a 5 year hiatus from dating. Grow up a bit.
RUDE, don't ever comment on my posts again. Thanks!
Not that it's ANY of your business but I was on the pill. I have been on the pill since I was 17. I happen to be of the 1% of people who get pregnant on birth control.
And to everyone else, thank you for your advice and support!
I know I made my boyfriend sound absolutely horrible, but he isn't THAT bad. At least he could admit to me that he knows he has a problem and I know that he didn't PHYSICALLY cheat, it to me just feels like he did, emotionally and mentally. We have been together for a long time and we have been through a lot. And I have never physically cheated either, but I did have some contact with my ex-boyfriend at the beginning of our relationship...
We are having this baby together and he loves our son too. I'm not just going to up and leave him after everything. He has agreed to talk to a counselor with me (although he's scared about it). He thinks someone else's perspective would be good just like I do. I think that we can get through this...

Interesting...

http://www.myspace.com/supafreakaygrl/stream

Aug 09

Trissa Hisel

Ohh ** ** fuckity *** *** I've ben havin unprotectd sex... period sposed to come in 2 days or so guess we'll see

cheating or not? (long!) VENT

Re: cheating or not? (long!) VENT

Trissa Hisel

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