Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Communication with Ex
If you do not have any children, do you communicate with your ex on a regular basis? How long were you married/together?
Do you feel a need to still communicate even if you have never had any children?
Just curious.
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Re: Communication with Ex
My ex and I are still very close friends. We got together in the summer of 2000, were married in October 2004, separated in May 2010 and the divorce was finalized in October 2011.
Things just weren't working. No one was mad at the other, no one felt slighted. We decided to end things before it got ugly, and we've maintained a really nice friendship. We both agree it was for the best, and there hasn't been a single instance of back-sliding since I moved out. I'm grateful for it.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
No, we've had minimal contact. Nothing beyond meeting to sign papers. We're polite as possible, but I don't see why we'd maintain contact, or what we'd have to talk about.
We were together for 9 years.
Mine is similar. We didn't really talk at all once the divorce happened. Once papers were signed, we've only had to contact each other regarding him not making a credit card payment on time (we're still paying down debt). We're civil, but it's business only if we (rarely) have to deal with one another. I have no need to speak to him regarding anything in my life, and visa versa. Closed chapter.
We were together about 6 years and no children.
Um...no. Not at all. Not even a question.
My XH had an affair during our entire (short marriage) and adopted DS. We communicate, via email, only about stuff that relates to DS. There are plenty of times I would like to make some snarky comments but I keep them to myself because it wouldn't make co-parenting any easier.
I have come to believe that XH came into my life for a reason...while initially I thought it was to be my husband, it was really to be DS's dad. I have accepted that and it's made life a lot easier for me.
ETA: I skimmed your post and realized you were asking for those who have no kids...sorry! Ignore me!
Uh, probably not. I'd probably be too steamed about that.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Hellz to the NO!
I dont have kids and i have zero contact with my XH. He cheated on me. I see no reason to contact him.
I find that others who are still in contact with their X (regardless of the reason) on a regular basis (with no kids) is a RED FLAG for me like my stage 5 clinger guy who talked to his XW on the phone daily and thought of her still as his Best friend.
See this is what I thought too. My friend whose ex cheated on her and then stayed with the girl until they broke up a couple of weeks ago, has been talking to her ex almost daily. I know why he is contacting her but she just doesn't get it.
They have no kids but were married for a while. Oh and she kept his name stating that it was her name and not his. But I am not even getting into that. I have a kid and took my maiden name back. Whatever? I just wanted to see what the general consensus was. I know she needs therapy.
We communicate about two or three times a week, because we're on the same project at work.
No kids, married ~8 years.
Even if we didn't work together, we're still friends, so when our mutual friends get together it's not uncommon to be at the same event. My boyfriend was here visiting for two weeks, and in that time we met up with XH and his girlfriend twice!
One of the caveats when we decided to split was that we wanted to stay friends. I think the fear of not being part of each other's lives was a big reason we stayed together for so long. We couldn't imagine not being friends! In the end, we split amicably, and while things have been a little rocky since (agreeing about how/when to move, divide assets, etc), there's really no reason to avoid each other.
I can see how a lot of people might think this. And it's probably a legitimate concern for a lot of people. But I swear to God, there is nothing afoot with my ex. We were bad at being married, but we genuinely enjoy one another as people. We don't talk daily, but we do talk regularly. We have lunch about once a week, and sometimes he comes out for happy hour with me and my friends. He loves my BF -- and it's mutual. No one is threatened or weird about any of it. Heck, the three of us hung out once. Not a big deal.
Additionally, BF is still very good friends with his ex-girlfriend. We attended her bday party this weekend, and had a lovely time. She and I even talked about me and S and her and her boyfriend G going bowling sometime soon. There's nothing to side-eye in either situation.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Sounds very mature of all of you!
Thanks! I have no idea how we all lucked out, but we did!
For the record, I am not friends with any ex-boyfriends. I don't have a collection!
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
XH had an affair with a friend of ours (his current girlfriend). I cheated on him many years ago when I was young, selfish, and foolish. He forgave me, so I think it would be unfair for me to hold it against him. Besides, once I got over the initial shock of him cheating, it was really just a sign that maybe he was as ready to end things as I was. If he hadn't cheated, we might still be plodding along struggling to save a marriage that was clearly not working.
We make good friends, but we were not a good match for marriage. I think the affairs were just symptoms of that.
The X and I no longer communicate and that's how we both want it.
We had to communicate a little bit because we still owned a house together, but when we emailed one another we only spoke about the house and the issues with it.
Once the house sold, there was no reason for us to communicate anymore.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
Nope
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
Put me in this camp. Although my communications with Ex regarding our DD are strictly through email. Yep, it's that bad. I wish it were different, but I don't think things will ever get any better.
Yes, this.
Me too! But I have to say that since I started therapy, my communication with my ex has dropped significantly.
No communitcation... we were together for 7 years...married for 2
No need to communicate... we live on opposite sides of the world and lead totally different lives
I know D is in this camp... I don't talk to my ex. Married 7 years, together for 10 and no kids. If we do run into each other since we share a lot of mutual friends, I'm sure we'll be cordial.
We have no kids and I have a restraining order for the abusive XH, so no. No communication. I think that's helped me move on... I have no clue where I'd be now if I was still being influenced by him.
Expecially considering he cheated on you in your own bed? Ah, neh. Hell neh.