Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Who is a ruthless declutterer?
Declutterers, thrower awayers, chuckers, cleaner outters, all of you.
I need a pep talk.
Please.
I am so so so bad at this.
I agree with everything that muddled said. You should listen to her. -ESDReturns
Re: Who is a ruthless declutterer?
Oh, me. I have no ability to get sentimentally attached to things.
With clothes, I find it helpful to try to remember the last time I wore something. If it's been more than a year, then I get rid of it. There are also things I've bought thinking they'll be perfect for some occassion or another, but then discovered I don't really like them or they fit weird. Those things need to go right away because chances are if they've never been appropriate or looked good, they're never going to.
Things people gave me that I'm never going to use? Those get chucked too. I don't like having things hanging around if I know they're just going to collect dust.
About once every six months I do a closet and dresser purge and can usually get 2-3 trash bags of trash or clothes to donate. The most important thing to remember is, if you haven't worn or used something in over a year, there's probably a reason. If it's something like a thing that's broken or a thing that you liked on the hanger but not on your body, that's probably never going to change, so why keep it? Plus, it's so satisfying to open up a clean closet or drawer and know exactly where to find everything.
My whole house!!!
I ammmmmm
*twirls into sight, holding a bunch of trashbags*
Are you overwhelmed with where to start?
The overwhelmed feeling is a big weakness. For example, if a sink is full of dishes, I just tend to avoid it. So, yes, I am overwhelmed, but I know that I need to force myself to do it. It has gotten to that point.
Another problem I have is that I always feel like I can use something later, even if I don't use it now. An example of this is my tree stand. I haven't gotten an xmas tree since, oh... 2006? (omg, really??), but I feel like one day I will use it again even though it is a pita to keep around.
Sentimentality is mainly a problem when it comes to letters and things and less of a problem for straight up stuff, but I do have a tendency to go through EVERYTHING, which I know is a mistake, but I live in constant fear of regret.
Okay, so maybe not constant, but you get the picture. I am terrified of making the wrong decision which means that I attempt to make no decision at all and just put things off.
And then my house is ready to explode.
This is exactly me! Sorry, I really can't help you. Luckily my FI is good at getting rid of things so the house doesn't get too bad.
When it comes to things I think I'm going to use/reuse, I first make sure I don't already have something that I can use. You can never go wrong with just making sure you have the basics. You don't need 12 types of glue or 15 different kinds of pink paint. Keep the all-purpose glue, the super glue, and the wood glue and get rid of the rest. Make sure you keep your basic white paint and red paint (to make pink) and maybe 1 or 2 of the hard to mix pinks and get rid of the rest. If you have the basics, you can always make do. Everything else is just for convenience.
I think you have to be honest with your self about who you are. With the tree stand, I would ask myself "Am I going to get a tree next Christmas?". If the answer is no, I'd chuck it. If the answer is yes, I would keep it. If the answer is maaaaybe, I would wait it out. If next Christmas rolls around and I still didn't purchase a Christmas tree and use the stand, I would chuck it.
The main thing to bring down clutter is to not bring things into the house in the first place. Before I buy something, I make sure I won't regret it. Do I have something I already own that does this or almost the same thing? How often will I really use this and can I borrow it from someone else? (This is where is is nice to have like minded friends who are willing to swap.) Do I really NEED it?
Can you please be my personal adviser and tell me what I should and shouldn't buy. I'm bad about wanting the latest and greatest and having multiples of things 'just in case'.
Being overwhelmed is completely understandable.
So, don't declutter your whole house. This weekend, pick a room and just do that. Then next weekend, pick a different room. If a room is too much, then don't do the whole thing, do a closet. "I'm going to clean my closet this weekend" is a lot easier to plan than "I'm going to clean my whole house this weekend".
Take it one day or room or closet at a time. Once you get started and get used to making the decisions it gets worlds easier.
I am not a very sentimental person, so it is hard for me to give advice in that area. For me, I am happy with just the memories. I keep lots of pictures (in scrapebooks or photo albums) so I don't need to hold on the actual item that brings those memories. If I have a personal letter, I put those in the album to. When it comes to my child's things (which maybe the only things I really get attached to) I have one plastic shoe bin to keep his baby items in. That's it. If it starts getting to full and the lid doesn't close, I open it up and evalute what I have in there and pair down until the lid closes.
I also had a sentimental issue when my grandmother died. It was hard for me to let go of anything she had given me or touched. I used to same system I have for the baby items. One small bin and only the things that held the most memories. I kept a picture that hangs in my living room and a couple knick knacks that she gave me (and I knew she was thinking of me when she bought them). Everything else I donated or asked other family members if they wanted anything. This process took years. I had to slowly let go.
I have SO many clothes, so that is my main focus most of the time. As I'm doing laundry, if I see a shirt I don't really like or a sweater that I'm constantly readjusting because the neckline doesn't work on me, I fold it and put it straight into the Goodwill bag. Once something goes in the Goodwill bag, it's not allowed to come back out.
My biggest issue is paper clutter. Every once in a while I go through them all and file/purge, but the setup of our apartment is such that the filing cabinet is in a corner of the guest room and that's not really conducive to regular filing. Ugh!
I can't wait to move. I threw sooo much stuff away last time we moved.
I can't tell if you are being sarcastic.
I am generally ok about not bringing stuff so much. I do it every now and then, but it's not my main problem.( I don't think? Maybe I am in denial? You'd have to ask Brad. lol.)
My main problem is letting things go for a lot of the reasons that you said PS. I save things because I don't want to have to buy it again later or I know that I can use it for something. Now, whether I will ever actually get around to using it is a different story of course.
Also, the paperwork. Why do I feel like I need to hold on to so much paper??
You don't have much space either, do you PS? You live in a smallish apt?
Fein- I wish it all was as easy for me as you make it sound. I so do.
Morty- Thanks for making me feel normal.
Nerdicorns- I keep looking out the window to know when you let you in, but I don't see you. Did you get lost?
Okay. Take a deep breath.
I am a clutterer. So I know what you're going through. This is the process that I use.
For stuff that has no sentimental value.
Is the cost of replacing this later, worth the space that this item is taking up right now?
How hard will it be to get another one, if it turns out I need it?
Tree stands, depending on the kind, can be kind of bulky, and awkward to fit places. But they're not horrendously expensive. To me it's not worth the space since you can replace later, if and when you do decide to go back to getting a tree several years in a row. They have them available around Christmas, every single year. You won't have to search hard to get another one.
Could you maybe start a scrap book/album for things like letters, and other small sentimental items?
Because honestly, the only time I get rid of sentimental stuff is if I have something else associated with that memory/moment, and I can compare the items, and feel deep down that I can part with one of them, and I keep the favored one.
Also, When I do go on a cleaning jag, one of the first things I do is empty and re-bag the trash can, even if it's not necessarily full. That way you have a fresh start. I would probably start with the smallest area you need to clean, because you'll see progress faster, and it will help motivate you for the next room.
Also also, when I do my closet, if it's stuff I like, but don't wear I tell myself, something like, "hey I bet a single mom who's really struggling financially, could wear this to an interview, or to church, and probably wouldn't have been able to buy it full price". I bag it and donate it to goodwill, or salvation army or the like, and I feel better about buying it in the first place, because I feel like it's really going to help someone else out.
I didn't say this! Morty did.
The dead people thing is ringing true to me as well- I have 2 boxes from my aunt that I haven't even opened. I couldn't do it right after she died and so I haven't. Also, my grandmother can't even write her name anymore, but I still save every card that she "signs" because it might be the last one. Ugh.
Yes, Fein. I may start with the extra room today. That one is probably the worst, though, so we'll see how far I get. It is going to look a lot worse before it gets any better.
I think the "getting around to using it" thing is part of being honest with yourself. Will you really sit down and do that project your thinking of? If I have something laying around, I usually put an expiration date on it. "Either I use that bowl/vase/jar/wood in x amount of days or I'm getting rid of it." And it's either important enough for me to do it (usually the day I'm supose to thow it away, lol) or it's not.
Another thing I ask myself is how soon will I need it. Sure, I could use this spaghetti jar to ________, but by the time I get around to doing it, will I have another empty jar getting ready to be recycled anyway? More than likely.
I'm the one that said it and I was being totally serious! Obviously you aren't here to see what I already have. I just wish I had someone ambitious like you to help me in that area.
I have always wanted to help organize/personal shop with someone, and I didn't want you to be teasing me! I would have cried.
This is the best advice for all types of cleaning, IMO. Break it down into manageable parts. Set a timer and do 30 minutes of work, then step away for a few minutes, have a cup of coffee, and go back for another 30 minutes.
I set a timer all the time when I'm cleaning and it makes it SO much better.
Another thing that works really well for me is making a list of the broken-down chore. So if I need to clean out the guest room, I'd make a list like: 1. Empty closet 2. Sort closet into Keep/Toss/Donate piles 3. Put Keep stuff back in an organized way 4. Bring Toss pile to the dumpster 5. Run Donate stuff to Goodwill 6. Clean out underneath the bed 7. Strip bed and wash sheets 8. Remake bed 9. Vacuum room
Each task takes just a little bit of effort, but crossing them off feels so good and before I know it, I'm done.
Second, I wouldn't start with the spare room. If the whole house is a mess, start with the area you use the most. The area you want to relax in. Make that area exactly how you would want it. Some things you can't stand getting rid of yet go ahead and toss it in the spare room.
Once the rest of the house is done, do the spare room. First, think about what you are going to use the spare room for. Guest room? Office? Craft room? Don't call it a "spare room" or you're just going to end up throwing things back in there. Give it a purpose. Once you start going through what ever is left over in that room, think about each item. Can I use this? Where will I put it? Is there room in the living room? Do I already own something in another room that is just like this? Is this better than what is already there? If you wouldn't want to swap/trade anything out and it doesn't have a purpose in your new room, get rid of it.
But I could USE this is a big one for me. I have a goodwill bag in the closet like abs. For stuff, I have one box which is clutter death row. Once a month I seal it and set it to one side. If I didn't need to break into it by next month, I don't need it and it gets tossed. Also, I keep in mind that I'm an adult with disposable income, and I can bop over to Target and just buy a motherf*ckin vase instead of holding on to a jar or whatever. I sound like I'm being condescending, but I literally tell myself this, and it works for just about everything. Just get in the f*ckin car and go to CVS and buy a color you like instead of holding on to that quarter inch of fug nail polish. Etc.
One more thing that helps me a lot is to think less in terms of 'what a MESS' and more in terms of things I could do if it weren't such a mess, and use that as a goal. Like if I clear the shelves.in the garage I'll have an awesome potting station, or if I get rid of 20 things in the closet I can go shopping for new clothes. My big one currently is to completely clean out Joaquin's closet, so she can use that as a little hiding/playing nook.
We are often not here for Christmas. And when we have been, we have just not been motivated to get a tree I guess. No kids = no big deal Christmas.
PS- We actually don't call it the spare room. I just called it that because I knew I would get teased for what we actually call it and that is why I should have let this fly over my head but I think that you have a good point so I decided to address it.
Broc- I do do something similar to what you are talking about. I throw things in a bag when I am feeling it and then let it sit for a while so that I have the chance to take things out if I feel the pangs of regret. Brad usually gets tired of looking at the bag and will finally take it away. That last final step is really difficult for me. I am broken that way.
I think there was someone else I wanted to address, but I can't remember what/who.
All of you have had very helpful tips, thank you. Feel free to keep them coming!
Also, please ask me how things are going from time to time. I need some external motivation and perhaps the shame of having to say that I have made no progress will be helpful to me.
For something like your grandmother's cards or signatures. Why not pick out a favorite and frame it along with a picture of the two of you? I completely understand things like this. The biggest "momento" box I have is from our wedding, I have all of the cards, my garter, a program and a few other things in a shoebox in my closet. There's no reason to keep all of those cards but I like having them and they stay in their box.
One of the themes that people have brought up is giving yourself a limit on the amount of a specific item type you can keep, like limiting items of your aunt's to a smaller container so you need to weed through and find the things that mean the most.
Also, my sister is big on the buying things for projects and never doing them. She has to force herself from time to time to go through and get rid of things like balls of yarn or scraps of fabric that aren't really big enough to contribute significantly to a project. Her apartment is an explosion and I literally get anxiety walking in there, but it would be way worse if she didn't force herself to be brutally honest about something's usefulness from time to time.
I'm bad at it too. I have zones though - my office is devoted to junk (it's in boxes, so it's not like Hoarders) and the rest of the house is pretty organized. I'll also designate days to deal with things. The Monday after I get back from CT we're gonna clean out the garage, and over the next month we're gonna fill some more boxes with junk for the neighborhood garage sale in June. I also have a date set for office cleanout (both mine and BF's). We're not allowed to buy anything else for the house until it's done.
I do have "collections" of things that can get out of control fast. Clothes are one, magazines are another. I usually sell my gently used stuff on eBay, but I've been slacking on that terribly. Magazines stick around because I always mean to scan recipes and design ideas into an electronic file, but, well....Mainly I've just accepted that I'll never be perfect. I aim for the 80% solution, LOL.
I know it's not the 'right' way, but if the right way means I get pissed and the mess stays the same, who cares if I'm doing it right or not?