Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
H&FR Nestie vibes/T&P needed (or just listen to me whinge)
So, once upon a time DH was born with a crappy heart arrhythmia and it started tearing at his aorta and valve. He had part of his aorta and all of his valve replaced about 9 years ago (thus July).
Yesterday's annual cardiologist appointment did not bring good news.
The replacement graft and valve, which were supposed to last 12-15 years, are on their way out already, as seen via his echo yesterday. He's being scheduled for a contrast dye MRI later this month (as soon as he gets the referral/insurance okay), and then he's meeting with his original cardiac surgeon up in Maine after that to get a second opinion and to probably schedule surgery. All things being realistic, if this cardiologist isn't blowing smoke up our butts, surgery is going to happen within a year.
Aside from the blanket statement of "this leaves us virtually fscked", this honestly could not be happening at a worse time (is there ever really a good time for a shitstorm forecast though?). We JUST pretty much got over and are moving on from last year's epic 365 days of total carnageariffic diaster, where my mother, grandfather, aunt, and one of my best friends passed away. DH was incredibly strong for me and now it's my turn to be there for him through all of this. This "being there" will include taking a leave of absence from my PhD program (included in this year is a deadlined 365 days of grant funding that was awarded to me, first paycheck is in May) to take care of him, probably in Maine if he chooses to stick with his original surgeon, and will put our life plans on hold of getting the hell out of SW VA and moving back to civilization. This may also permanently put our plans of having kids on hold, because in DH's mind, he doesn't want to make it unfair to any kids to watch him have to go through this every 10-15 years. My brain is a fustercluck this morning after all this whirlwind talk last night. I picked at tasty food. I never do that. I stared at the ceiling until 3:30 this morning.
This morning was one of probably 3 runs in the past 2 years where I just couldn't run away from my brain. I cried in the weight room at the gym, and then I felt like a dork. Especially because this isn't about me, but DH getting through this.
/vent
Re: H&FR Nestie vibes/T&P needed (or just listen to me whinge)
That's a lot to go through - definitely get a second opinion.
T&Ps going your way.
So sorry you are going through this, MP.
Lots of thoughts and prayers coming your way (and zombie hugs!)
GO! St. Louis Half Marathon-2:32:13
Omaha Half Marathon 9.23.12
2012 Goal: working towards pre-pregnancy speed!
04/15 KI Metric Marathon/16.3 m (2:05:55, 7:43 pace)
05/06 Frederick 13.1 (1:41:09)
11/04 NYCM
2011-2012 Races
10/29/11 LA RockNRoll Min Half (5K) 42:58
12/4/11 Vegas RockNRoll Half 3:14:53
1/7/12 WDW Half 3:13:42
1/15/12 RnR AZ 2:55:27 (PR!!)
1/29/12 Tinkerbell 1/2 3:22:37 (To many picture stops!lol)
Me:32 DH:33
IFV w/ DE Only Option (On Hold For Now)
Wow, I'm so sorry, that's a ton of crap to have to deal with. Hang in there.
{{sending T&Ps}}
Try not to be hard on yourself. That is a LOT to digest. And this part:
Especially because this isn't about me, but DH getting through this.
No, it's about you getting through this too. Him, but also you. I have found that it's often just as hard -- albeit in a totally different way -- on the caregiver in situations like this. Both of my parents are relatively young cancer survivors, and they both seem to agree that it was, in a lot of ways, harder when the other person was sick. I know how hard it was on me when they were sick (which happened in fairly rapid succession).
Try also to hold on the kids discussion at least until you've gotten the 2nd opinion and a plan of attack. It's an emotional decision, and one that doesn't need to be made now.
Hang in there. Crying in the lockerroom is ok, and probably makes you more able to be strong for him at home. I always liked that in the pool, people couldn't tell
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear this! Ts&Ps are definitely coming your way!
Why Maine? I understand his first surgery was done in Maine, but is there any particular reason (are there any benefits from returning to the same surgeon, do you guys have family nearby, or anything else) that his surgery has to be done in Maine? Could you get a second opinion in DC or somewhere closer for you to still work a little bit on your program and keep you sane while helping your H get through this? I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible for both of you!
Ditto this. I get the "it's not about you" mindset because you really need to be there for your DH but when it's so close to home and involves you so deeply in every way, it's about you too. You're greatly affected by this even if it isn't your body.((HUGS)) I'm sorry. Lots of T's & P's.
My husband passed away at 27 because he made a choice not take care of a heart problem he had as a child. A choice that ended up affecting me. What happens to your husband affects you too. Being a caretaker is one the of the hardest jobs ever (especially if its family). There are days when waking up is extremely hard.
Good Luck.
**Nestie Besties with Deutschefairy**
Diagnosed PCOS '03, TTC #1 Since March '09
BFP - 10/20/10, M/C - 10/29/10
June 2011 - 50mg Clomid = No O
Dieted and exercised my butt off for PCOS = BFP 5/7/2012
Due 12/29/2012
GP buddy to blenderdance
Hugs from a stranger.
I've never dealt with anything like what you've handled the past year and what you're currently facing. Sending you good thoughts.
Duke's House: Eating and Running with the Big Dog in Chennai: eatrunbrit.com
2010 Race PRs:
5K - 24:57 10M - 1:28:20 13.1M - 1:57:29 26.2M - 4:28:29
Yes,I'm smiling...I'm a marathoner!
Bloggy McBloggerson
CO Nestie Award Winner-Prettiest Brain-Back to Back!
2011 Bests
5K-22:49 10K-47:38 Half Mary-1:51:50
2012 Race Report
1/1-New Year's 5K-22:11
2/11-Sweetheart Classic 4-mile-29:49
3/24-Coulee Chase 5K-21:40
5/6-Colorado Marathon-4:08:30
5/28-Bolder Boulder 10K
Adventures in My Kitchen
Running and recipe blog
Wow, Ladies. Thank you all so, so much. Y'all are pretty awesome
I know I have to take care of me too somewhere in all of this. That's why I hope you all can keep me accountable with my running and eating right if/when everything hits the fan
I had this revelation at the gym this morning (through the dork tears). I had this wave of this bizarre oppressive energy overcome me while I was trying to lift. It felt familiar, and stifling, and fatiguing all at the same time. And then I realized that this was EXACTLY how I had felt pretty much all last year. That realization makes me think that 1. I've definitely come a long, LONG way since everything last year and 2. recognizing this early on with DH's situation is going to help me fight it and work through it so I can be the best I can for DH. This ain't my pity party. This is my chance to take care of him like he did for me all last year.
The guy he's going to get his second opinion from is one of the best cardiac surgeons in the country, and probably one of the top five for the procedure that he's had done. He's legit. We're kind of leery of the backwater, can-hear-the-banjos-from-the-dr's-office medical care down here (my gallbladder issues were originally misdiagnosed as ovarian cancer...yeah...) so going back up north to either confirm or deny what his local cardiologist is saying will be a comfort to us. If he needs surgery, DH may choose to stick with the guy who knows his "topography", so to speak, or maybe this surgeon will recommend someone at UVA, which is one of the top cardiac specialist hospitals in the country. That would kind of be a blessing for me, because I could potentially shoot back home to take care of our house, and possibly poke into lab while he's recovering, and then it's an easy transit to home for bedrest for the 6 weeks he'd need. But it's about what DH would want to do, and the decision is up to the two of us.
Southeastern Cycling
My Nest Bio and Cycling Advice
Ha, ha. Not really.
My family consists of my father, who we are considering not telling unless it gets to be surgery time, because of the same level of devastation that I've been through this past year (I faired a lot better than he did through all of this..), and my uncle and aunt, who have a million and a half reasons why they can't anything for us. C'est fin.
DH's family consists of his rather incapable sister and BIL, and hysterical mother and relatively idle father. I love them dearly, but so help me god that is one showcase showdown I do NOT want to be a bidder on. I'm sure that my MIL will insist on taking care of her son, but I'm not sure she'll be able to do all the physical stuff involved. Plus, ya know, I'm kind of his wife. Who has a background in medicine. Yeah.
If he chooses to have the surgery in Maine, we'll be relatively close to family (and will probably stay at his parents' house up there, even though they are primary snowbirds in FL). If we have it at UVA, I can barely see family coming in to help out. But that's okay. I know when I get over this initial freakout and figure out my ish, Imma be a rockstar for him
2012 Races: 3/18 Shamrock Shuffle 5k; 4/14 E.R. Race for Autism 5k (PR! 25:58); 6/9 Riudoso Sprint Triathlon; 6/24 Chunky Monkey 10K; 7/29 Cochiti Lake Olympic Triathlon; 9/16 Chips & Salsa 1/2 Marathon; 10/21 Duke City 1/2 Marathon; 12/2 Rock & Roll 1/2 Marathon in Vegas!
I am sorry to hear about this.
((hugs)) and lots of T&P's to you and DH.
I can answer some Q's in a 'been there, done that, got the T-shirt' variety if you want. My mom just had this surgery done last April and she is night and day a different person. We ALL thought it was her asthma and overall shittylungs that were making her weak and tired, but after this surgery, she looked SO much healthier!
She had the tearing aorta as well and they were able to replace it with a pig's graft and new valve and she will also have to go back to have this re-done in 10-15 years. Her recovery was not stellar as she is just a weaker patient than most -- you're supposed to be awake & out of ICU in 1-2 days, she was there for 7
, but that's just how she is!
I would definitely run away from the banjos and go to a medical facility your DH is comfortable with. My mom was worked on by an Emory doc and he knows his craft very well. She was fully recovered physically in those 6 weeks, and really if the patient is tough, they can be up and moving SO much faster than you'd think!
Let me know if you have any Q's!
Call me Kat =^..^=