Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Experiences breaking things off with a great guy?
I don't think anyone has ever regretted long-term breaking up with anyone, in the entire history of human interaction. If you have any qualms, then you won't regret "letting a good thing go" - you'll just have the decks clear for something better.
*Live, Love, Laugh, Learn*
Travel Adventures.
I understand what you're saying but it's hard not to look into the future in my situation because I have a child. I also don't want to lead someone on, if I am not feeling right about things if that makes sense. I am pretty decisive about things so when I finally realized what I'd been suppressing it all came to a head the other night.
I appreciate what you're saying though and I would probably be giving me the side eye too if I saw a post like this. I have been having a great time with him and not hesitating to post about it. I could see where it looks like this came out of nowhere. I am also worried that this will be HIS concern as well.
Sorry to hear you feel this way, achase. I've been so busy with work and other stuff these days, I've mainly just been reading posts.
Anyway, I had to deal w/ this w/ the guy I just dated in Dec-Feb. I definitely never felt ga-ga for him and that was the thing that made my gut say "move on...." and if you feel it in your gut, you do. Sometimes, it's hard to even put your finger on it, but something inside says "not this one....."
Good luck.
I'm sorry, but you posted yesterday about moving with J when he leaves in a couple of years. this is more of a roller coaster than many high school relationships.
I agree with Kuus and all, and if you're doubting a relationship this early then you should break it off. it's either not the right relationship for you, or you're not ready for one at all. either way, better to cut him loose. but seriously girl, yesterday.
I just wanted to say, that whatever you decide, whenever that is, why (but I know in your case you really try and have a track record of good reasons).....God still has a plan. He gave us free will so that we could experience different emotions, people, and experiences. It may not seem like a straight-forward path, but there is a path for you and this may just be a stop on it.
Things ending does suck, it is supposed too sometimes. So if you are going through the actions of this tonight, my thoughts are with you!
Yes I've been there. It's hard. I still care about him. We try to be friends but there's tension. Over St. Paddy's Day we had this whole conversation about missing the good times, still caring about each other, etc. He's even said he wants to try again. I told him for all the good stuff I miss it doesn't change the reasons we broke up.
I believe my exact words with people who asked were "We were great for each other for a time but it got to the point where if we tried to take it further we'd both end up hurting each other. I still care about him but I wanted us to be able to still be friends and not hurt each other." Basically he's a great guy. The best relationship I've had, but there were things that were fundamentally not going to work long term. (Ex. I'm prochoice, he was trying to change me to be prolife.)
He's a great guy. I really hope he finds a great woman someday. Heck if things were different I'd date him again if I thought it could work out long term, but that's just not true right now.
Oh I am sorry to hear about this... I was hoping for the best for you.
If you aren' feeling it than don't stress about it... just tell him he isn't the one and move on. I had to do this and it sucks but better than dragging it out. I know exactly what you mean about losing the attraction and knowing it's over.
I don't think it's that suprising honestly because in your last post you seemed so stressed about things... being in a new, happy relationship usually reduces stress and doesn't create it.
Another things is that having an anxiety attack is scary and worrisome. It is your body signaling you that things aren't ok. Think about taking a real time out from dating for without adding another stressor in your life... you seem to always take on so much... being a mother, studying, running a half marathon, dating, etc. Your health is the most important thing so perhaps get a handle on that before adding a relationship. I wish you the best!
I didn't read everyone's thoughts, but this is my thought(s):
-if you'don't feel it, you don't need to push it
- with that said, really examine what you want...every guy HAS to like country? Every guy HAS to make a huge romantic gesture bc you like a song and dance with you? It's a little unrealistic
-it is not always about matching up every single like or dislike...differences can make you stronger when it comes to the small stuff
- no one will ever be perfect in every single way, but it doesn't seem like this guy makes you look past the petty stuff...therefore he likely isn't it....I feel like the right guy would make you thik differently about the smaller indifferences, YKWIM?
- have your standards, but don't be u realistic
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I completely and totally agree with the bolded statement, and everything you said. I know that no one will be perfect, that's why I didn't want to list every.single.thing that went through my head. It wasn't one thing or twenty things. It was a gut feeling.
When the right guy comes along I won't look at it like a checklist of "does he have a,b, and c?" It will just be right and there won't be a lot of overanalyzing.
I totally agree with you and I would have told me the same thing if I was looking in. That being said, something was telling me it was wrong and I could not ignore that. But I know I would be side eyeing me as well.
I just want to add:
We always tell each other to "trust your gut" in the bad relationships, but we have to remember that is just as important in the "good" ones. There may not always be a dealbreaker or glaring red flag... that doesn't mean we should ignore our gut.
I understand where everyone is coming from, I do. I think good relationships deserve a bit more thought and consideration of course, but if it doesn't feel right after level headed reflection... well then I think it is ok to move on and not doubt yourself.