random vent

Re: random vent

• LaurierGirl28

  May 2012

  mysticporter:

  LaurierGirl28:

  As much as I complain about my ILs, they are almost the opposite of this. I went to Toys R us with MIL a few days ago to grab a few baby things and she paid for everything. Go to Costco, same thing. The lady seriously bought my groceries.

  If you refuse, they see it as rude. And they've got the $$, so its not like its a burden on them, I just feel awkward.

   

  My ILs are like this, but we put the kibosh on it.  It's hard to describe, but for them it was wrapped up in this inability to recognize that DH and I are adults, and it was a weird part of a larger respect issue (respect of boundaries, respect of our right to make decisions for us and our kids, respect for our ability to take care of ourselves...).  I pointed it out to my FIL that he got absolutely offended once when we paid for his Father's Day dinner, yet he expected us to not only take his cash but greatly appreciate him for it.
  

  We went through a period where there was a sh!tload of tension over this and other "autonomy" issues, but once we got through it our relationship overall with them is much improved. It's weird to explain, though, on the surface it always seemed like "They're trying to be nice!  What's your problem?".
  

   I totally get what you are saying.

  They gave us $ for a downpayment for a rental property that we purchased because they really wanted us to invest more into real estate. So we take the $ and of course they feel this gives them the right to comment on our decisions with regards to that property all the fricking time.

  So we gave them their $$ back and told them to keep the comments to themselves. We could easily buy the property without their $, but they had wanted to do this. In the end though, it just wasn't worth their 'gift'.

  They took the $$ we gave back and bought me a car. Seriously. 

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