Money Matters
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Re: XP Selling House - Splitting $
Bolded. But you said you are not on the deed. Therefore, this is not your house legally and you don't technically have an opinion that can direct them.
It sounds like you need to figure out the exact outlays of cash each party has put toward the house. As PP said.
Once you do that, then I'd lean in favor of FIL just because he was so generous to begin with and you want to keep a relationship.
Personally, I would stay out and remain the appreciative wife/DIL. These guys put a roof over your head at little to no cost to you, which is a huge blessing that many people don't have.
To be perfectly honest it has made my life very stressful. I already had a roof over my head, and had to move in there so they wouldnt lose the house. The mortgage is slightly more than we can afford, and my commute is now over an hour. Not to mention I have put forward money for repairs in order to get the house in shape to sell. It's hard to be grateful for any of that.
My husband being on the deed = my part ownership of the house. A judge wouldnt care who's name was on the deed in divorce court. Doesn't matter because I'm not going to be taking a forceful or legal approach.
I'm not sure how true this is. Your husband purchased the house with his father prior to your marriage. You were not involved AT ALL in the purchase and your name has not been added to the deed. I'm not saying you are wrong, just that it might be a little more complicated than just "we're married now, all your stuff is my stuff."
my read shelf:
Unless Connecticut has some weird statute specifically excluding a deed as admissible evidence in divorce (which it may, but I doubt), the property in an equitable distribution state is not distributed "regardless of the deed," rather the deed will be one of many facts/evidence evaluated to ascertain what is fair and, well, equitable. It is correct to say (barring the potential weird deed exclusion reference above) the deed would not be solely dispositive.
Yes, this is correct. There are a lot of factors that are considered, the end result being whatever is found fair. My point was that it doesn't matter who's name is on the deed if it is property acquired at the time of or during the marriage.
I would NEVER drag my family into a legal battle, all of this babbling was in response to the poster who said I had no right to an opinion. I do. What I do with that opinion is the matter at hand.
Ok...here are my $.02
Run the numbers as suggested by previous poster, accounting for tax breaks, mortgage amount paid and home improvements. Compare the breakdown to the 50/50 split.
If the difference between the calculation of FIL's share and the $30,000 he wants is less than $5K, let it go with peace in your heart. There is nothing but hurt feelings to be gained with quibbling over that.
Plus, in the long run, your FIL has fewer years to build cash reserves than you and your husband do...consider this a down payment against helping him after he retires.