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ok, so I need advice
This is going to be long just because I need to give some history.
I met my boyfriend back in October. We hit it off immediately. Since then we have spent every weekend together. There is a bit of a distance so weekdays are tough. Any way, I have a 13 yo daughter and he has an 11 yo daughter. The children have met and get along great as well. When I met him he had broken up with his girlfriend of 4-5 years in August. He told me that he had loved her (obviously) and had thought they would get married. They had broken up a few times but always got back together. It was like she got bored with him then took him back because he is a nice guy. He helped raise her kids so he still kept in contact and he would take the kids for dinner or out for their birthdays. The last time they broke up he had a feeling she was seeing somoene else because not 2 weeks afetr they broke up, her FB status changed to be in a relationship with someone else..and the guy ended up moving in with her. He met me, and everyone is happy. In November it came up that he was still paying her electirc bill. Something about them owing back payments but instead of just paying the back portion, he paid all of it. I told him he needs to stop that. he doesnt make alot and she had a boyfriend. The back portion was paid, she needed to take over the bill now. He agreed and told her he was done paying in December and she figured it out.
Or so I thought. About a month ago I guess she texted him and told him she was not happy in her situtaion and if he would ever think about taking her back. She thought about him alot, that she didnt realize what she had etc etc He showed me the texts between them. The jist was that she was not happy with her bf and wanted mine. He told her that he was happy with me and it dropped. He didnt tell her he loved me because he hadnt said it to me yet (he did a few weeks later though) but he did tell her he was happy with me and his life was getting back on track. I am moving in July and we have talked about him moving in with me at that time. He wants to and we are heading toward that. Those are our plans.
So, now this week he told me that his daughter wanted to see her daughter so he was going to take them out to dinner Thursday ngith so they can spend time together. Oh, he lives in a mutual friend of theirs basement right now. So he told me she was going over to visit THEM Wednesday night and would be surprised if she came downstairs to say hi to him. I told him I am sure shew would since they are still friends and he was takign her daughter the next night....and she did.
I called him last ngith on my way home from work and he sounded off. I asked what was wrong and he said he was confused. I guess they talked for a long time and she did the "I want you back" song and dance again. That she shouldnt have let him go, he made her happy, she still loved him etc etc. His says his confustion stems from the fact that if he was 100% sure about me he would have said it to her and told her to leave. He didnt. He was watching the 2 girls play together and remembered times with her and thus his "doubts". He doesnt know why he has doubts. Says he loves me and my daughter and i are his priorities but he doesnt know why he didnt tell her to leave and there was no chance. He said he did tell her he loves me. I guess she also asked to stay the night and he said no. That he needed time to think. On the phone with me he said the same thing. He needs to figure out WHY he didnt just tell her to leave and that there was no chance.
So here I sit... I dont know if its because we are moving in together and its all new and who knows what will happen..and she was what he knew and is "safe" or if its because he still loves her and wants to be with her. I told him he needs to figure it out and fast. I am not going to move him in and a year down the road he sees her again and does it again. He has an appt with his counselor tomorrow (he had a counselor when they broke up because he went thru a depression) He hasnt seen the counselor since him and i started dating. He said he thought he was truly happy and content with me but their converation is making him have small doubts. He said the doubt factor was like 2%, but he said there shouldnt be any.
I dont really know what I am askign here. Maybe just opinions? I am flip flopping between being very heartbroken... and being very pissed. (Pissed at him for having doubts and pissed at her for not giving up. He is happy and she isnt now) I love him..and I havent said that about a guy in a LONG time. He is great with my daughter and attentive to me. He told me he thinks about her often ..but they have a history..I think about my exhusband too, but not in any romantic kind of way.
I dont know...so confused. If he figures out that the feelings for her were of the nostalgic sense, tthen why do I feel that I am second choice? Maybe not second choice ..dont know how to express the feeling in words.
ugh. This was therapeutic to write it down anyway.
Re: ok, so I need advice
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Because you are second choice, kinda. If he's not sure about his feelings for his ex, and hasn't even told you or her that he loves you, then he's not on love with you. He's thinking about what makes the most sense as a course of action, bu
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussAh. I was going by the texts.
Regardless, this is still not a man in love.
They are flip floppers (BF and his ex)
They break up and get back together as a pattern of behavior. He only got with you in the first place because he thought she was "really done this time".
I would make the choice for him and break up wi
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussOh honey, you just dodged a bullet.
It may not seem like it right now, but this came at a great time...before you got financially intertwined and more emotionally involved. He is a weak man -- why would you w
Thank you all for your opinions/ advise.
I honestly do not know what I am going to do. He tells me he is about 98% sure about me but after her talking to him she put about 2% doubt into his mind and that is what is freaking him out.
Based on this, there was no way you should have gotten involved with him:
He helped raise her kids so he still kept in contact and he would take the kids for dinner or out for their birthdays. The last time they broke up he h
This is easy........ Leave him!
TTC since September 2012
You are moving way too fast with this guy. Talking about moving in with someone you just met five or six months ago when you have a kid is not a good idea for a number of reasons, the most obvious one here being that he's still not over his ex.</
Thank you all again for the advice. What you all say makes complete sense and I needed that.
He came up this weekend and we talked some more. After their discussion Wednesday night I guess he told her to stop texting him. But
Trust me..I have been pissed. I dont know why I am still holding on. Well, yes, I do. Its hard when I have spent so much time working on me and when I finally find someone who I think is everything I was looking for, its hard to let g
Sorry, i maybe said that wrong. Currently I live in an apartment...so does he. I found a house in another county that we are moving to in July. I found this house after we talked about moving in together. Actually my aunt found
Listen, he is showing you right now where you rank on his totem pole. Ex and her children are up here and you and your daughter are down here. NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS, his actions prove you are not a priority for him.
Listen, th
I don't see how his feelings about you enter into the equation when his ex asks him about getting back together. If he was over her, it wouldn't matter whether he was in a relationship or not, he would tell her to back off because he wasn't inter
Just to update you all... he beat me to it. Came over last night and siad he doesnt think he can love me like I love him. That he cant promise he wont try things with her again. That he loves me, but not sure its like how he lov