Married Life
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: When Did You Start Feeling "Married"?
We also lived together for years before we got married. Nothing changed and it was a weird feeling. People ask how married life is and I don't have much to say. I usually say that it's totally different than living in sin and flash a smile.
I too thought something might feel different but it really didn't.
What did it for me (which may sound silly)- DH is out of town for the week and payday falls while he is gone and his employer is allowing me to pick up his paycheck for him. It hit me that if I was still just the "fiancee", the check would've had to sit there until he got home! That is what made me feel "officially" married.
Cant say I agree with you. Living together at first was fun, like a secret vacation you were on together.Engagement was off the wall stressing. With everyone wanting their hands on the pot for control. Then around 6 moths later when we moved into our house marriage really set it. Now traditional roles of man and wife!
I love that quote
I felt that way as soon as we left for our honeymoon!
This is long-winded...forgive me, I'm a writer, and I divulge.
I did not expect to feel any different, and am actually surprised that anything is different at all. We had been friends, peers, and lovers throughout our college careers, lived alone together for a few years, HE MADE SURE I REMEMBERED TO EAT while I wrote my undergrad thesis and was on a power nap schedule, we made a cross-country move alone together, lived with some of my relatives for a while, lived with his awesome mom for a while, and had driven that cross-country trek together many times. We have done a lot of things together that I never thought I could do with the same person and not be driven crazy! What I mean is...being in a car with someone for 20+ hours is hard. Doing it over and over, doing it with an upset cat, hauling a load of things in a U-Haul...that changes a person!! But finding out you love that person even more each time? Making him listen to the Harry Potter audio book and him discovering he likes it?? Priceless.
First the why (or why I think) of the change: We went through the stress of the engagement and wedding together, with no one else to really lean on, since we live away from all our combined family. We went through a list of things, making sure we covered important topics before we made the jump into marriage (though admittedly, this would have been best done before engagement, it didn't ultimately matter for us, because we really knew what our respective answers to those topics would be, from kids, to finances, to career goals). We made sure we were right for each other as our engagement and wedding took shape, not letting an engagement be the end of it, and being each other's ally in the wedding planning...and then we proclaimed our love and commitment to each other in front of the family and friends we love most, even seriously kissed in front of them, something we would not normally do...haha.
Now the how: We just try harder. I think we were doing this before the engagement, but then with the engagement, it sidetracked both of us a little, having to think about so much for planning and whatnot. Now it seems like we are extra committed to living our days to the fullest, even if that means each of us going out of our way to clean something better, cook something nicer, and, uh, have better sex! I know we're in a honeymoon phase--we have only been married two months, and haven't gone on any trip or anything either--but we plan on making this last as long as possible.
One thing I will note is that a "friend" tried to make me feel bad about this. He tried to make me feel like nothing should change after the start of a marriage, but I think relationships are different for everyone. For me, for us, I think we needed to feel that something was different. Not a huge change, not at all, but a little something to make us feel like we are truly together in this life, and for the rest of it. Even if it was just relief that the wedding was over, and the real fun could begin!
I've been married about 6 weeks now, and people keep asking me "how it feels to be married" too, but I agree, I don't feel any different. My husband and I have discussed this, and he said he thinks it's good that we don't feel any different, because it means we had a good relationship before we got married, so why should the relationship change? It just has the legal and social title now. We also lived together for 2 years before getting married, and have 2 cats whom which we refer to ourselves as "Mommy" and "Daddy."
And I hope that's not when you feel married! My husband and I started dating 5 years ago and we have never had a huge fight. We definitely argue, but once we raise our voices it usually ends and we turn it into in a discussion. My grandparents were married for 60 years when my grandfather passed away, and my grandfather had told me they only got into really big fights twice throughout their marriage, so I do think huge fights are somewhat avoidable.
Same here... and we get that question all the time... or the "Are you nervous??!!"
No... haha... my saying now is..nothing has really changed but my last name, we are still just "US". We lived together for 2 years previous, have shared pets, etc. We still have our own bank accts, which is fine for both of us... we split the groceries down the middle at checkout, and pay for whatever we need when it comes up, if one can't get a bill one time, the other will take over, and switch off at another situation later. It works, and yes... we feel married... felt that way for a while now.
It's weird how that "life changing feeling" didn't happen haha!
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I started feeling "married" on our wedding night
We purchased a home 7 months prior to us getting married, and I was the only living there, he didn't move in until after we said "I Do".