Relationships
julieandjojo
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Controversial question but I don't want drama....
Hi everyone. I have a question but I know it can be a heated issue which is not what I'm trying to do. Please answer this question if you would like.
During a heated fight I hit my husband's shoulder after he threw something of mine on the ground in anger, when I mean I hit him it was like not punched or slapped but I guess whopped is a good description. I was wrong to do that. And I am uncomfortable with what happened next on his part. I am going to talk about it with him this afternoon but my question is ...
(In your opinion) When is it ok for a man to put his hands on a woman but not outright hit a woman (e.g. shaking, pushing onto a bed, grabbing her arm or shoulder, etc.) in anger?
Daisy & Picabo 
Proud Newbie Gardener
Proud Newbie Gardener
Re: Controversial question but I don't want drama....
Never.
That said, it's never okay for a woman to put her hands on a man in anger, either. Nor is it okay to throw someone's belongings in anger. But everyone has moments of weakness, and I don't think something like this has to end a relationship, especially if nobody was hurt. Instead, take it as clear evidence that you need help learning how to argue fairly and effectively. Even if you're able to resolve this fight, please get couples counseling to learn better ways to deal with disagreements.
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussApollo said it perfectly.
Nope. It's not o.k. for either of you to touch the other in anger.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
It is NEVER ok for either party to a relationship to put their hands on the other in anger. I actually think it is bullshiit that women seem to get more of a free pass on this issue sometimes.
Now, if you had had a knife or something like that, and the guy needed to defend himself, then that is a different story to me. It doesn't sound to me like you were truly harming him and he needed to defend himself, so you were both wrong to do what you did.
My husband pushed me once. He looked more alarmed and upset than me. I put up with none of this nonsense and he knows it. I love him, but not more than I love myself. Everyone has moments, only you or he known if this was an isolated incident, or if you're making excuses for bad behavior. Good luck!
It's not okay for anyone to put their hands on anyone in anger.
It is okay for a man to put his hands on a woman to restrain her if she's attacking him physically.
Shaking/pushing/grabbing/hitting not okay.
Proud Newbie Gardener
I'm assuming you also apologized for putting your hands on him?
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This. Couldn't have said it better.