Pittsburgh Nesties
MandyMilller
member
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Working moms -- a ?
I know many moms work because they want to, not because they "have" to necessarily.
That said, if your purpose for working is primarily income... is there an amount of money your H would have to make for you to consider quitting? I know everyone's circumstances are different, and some people are private about anything to do with money... but for those would wouldn't mind speculating, what would that amount be for you?
Re: Working moms -- a ?
Brian & I have been talking a lot about this lately, as my desire to "retire" increases more & more as Jake is entering school. I would love to either go part-time, or stop working altogether, pull Liam from daycare & just enter him in a preschool program instead. It would eliminate the hassle that is going to start in the fall of shuttling both kids to separate schools in the morning, 2 stops at night, and having to utilize both the before and after care options at school.
Our issue is that I carry the benefits for myself & the kids...Brian works for a very small company, and he is the only one who is covered there. So as it stands now, there's just no way that I can not work at all. So for us, it's less of a dollar amount (my benefits & retirement plan here are awesome, but the salary leaves much to be desired!)
Jake - 1.15.08
Liam - 5.17.11
We're not on my benefits, and while I do have an okay 401K match, it's not amazing or anything. I make decent money, but haven't gotten a raise basically since I went PT, so each year I basically make less and less.
I've been considering other options closer to home, or WFH, but at a point I wonder if I should just try being a SAHM for a year. I think we could afford for me to be at home, but I just always feel like we're doing ok with me working so I might as well. But sometimes things get stressful, or I have to travel, and then we have all of the uncertainty of Kindergarten next year and I wonder what am I doing? At what point will we feel comfortable with me not working... is there a number we're trying to reach or is it just something that we'll never feel comfortable doing? It's such a personal decision... I was just hoping that maybe someone else's thoughts would help me sort out my own
this thought has crossed my mind lately. There is a quite real chance that soon K will be moved into position with a higher base salary and that could make my staying home a real possibility. However there is a lot that would keep me from taking that leap.
1. my retirement savings
2. medical coverage options
3. what the heck would I do all day?! can I even deal with that much time dedicated to parenting!?!
4. with 2 incomes the numerous house projects we have on our list are actually able to be accomplished, and not just wished for. Even at his current salary. College savings for EJ is do-able. We can vacation. I could get a new car and the payment wouldn't be a deal breaker. There is just a lot more room in the budget in that we don't have to stick to a tight budget and we like that. Plus if K were to be downsized or something we wouldn't suddenly be broke and scrambling for him to find another job asap.
However if for instance I was laid off or something, I would definitely do some math to see where we would be if we would be as a single income family. And yet I am not sure I could not ever work again... and reentering the work force later would be intimidating to me.
so I guess after all of that random, unorganized blabbering... I guess I will just keep on working. I like the independence and security that comes with having my own money. It would be hard for me to give that up. Even though I see the SAHM's on the street and envy them on occasion when they are out mid-afternoon on a beautiful day watching their kids play while reading a book. (I also know that being a SAHM isn't that angelic all the time)
I really don't know what the exact dollar amount is, we make almost the same amount (I make slightly more than DH), so I guess he'd almost have to double his income and well, I don't see that happening so I've never really thought about it. (DH is in the social work area, so it's not full of $$). Like Emmy, though, I carry the benefits for the kids and me (DH covers himself) and I have a good retirement package. My retirement is more well funded than his, too because I've been here for 15 years and he's changed jobs numerous times.
If I were considering quitting, I'd want the amount he made to be enough that I wasn't stuck at home all day while the kids were at school. I'd want to be a "ladies that lunch" type mom - going to the gym, out to lunch, whatever while the kids were in school. I'd want enough disposable income to do that without worrying about it.
Just weighing in...
I work because I want to, not because I have to... but the decision to quit my one 40 hour per week job came when we realized that DH could afford to pay the mortgage and all utility bills that came in without any help from me. We also found that although he paid more for his benefits than I did for mine, it was still pretty comparable in the grand scheme of things so going to a family plan with his company wasn't too hard of a hit. I always think that benefits change, and most companies have done away with "free" benefits and having moved to HSA's and deductibles, etc, so I knew that was the wave anyway. The only thing that made it a little sticky was our student loan payments. We pay out a lot to student loans each month...a lot. It's more than our mortgage...much more. So, I opted to work "a little" instead of the 40 hour per week job. I am pretty lucky in that in my profession I make more money working for myself than I do working for anyone else. That prompted me to get my own business and now I work about 30 hours per week by choice, but, I certainly don't have to. It helps when we're doing home projects and knowing that we don't live pay check to pay check is nice...but,, we could definitely do it on DH's salary...we'd just have to cut spending in some areas and be a bit more frugal. So, I guess the magic formula for us was if DH could handle all the bills that came in, with some extra for things like daily living expenses, then we could do it. OH! Also...we made sure we had some savings just in case something happened with his job, etc. and that way we felt we had a cushion and a plan.
HTH! Are you considering retirement?
Ha! I guess I am considering retirement -- at least temporarily
I don't know... I mean even though I only work 3 days a week, the commute is so long. And I do feel very undervalued at my job since I went PT. And I abhor the travel -- even though it's not a ton.
And as I've mentioned a bajillion times, I'm very concerned about starting school. We leave for work before the bus comes and get home after any after school programs are open. Not to mention making time for homework and extracurricular activities.
To put it into perspective without blabbing too much personal info... H will make almost 8xs my salary next year, so at this point it feels like the money I make is just for stuff for the kids. And my own personal wardrobe, which would be drastically reduced if I wasn't working. Honestly, I think my concerns are more to do with how not working would impact our marriage more than our finances.
My dream is to go part time, but my current employer isn't really amenable to that right now, but I'm hoping they may be more willing at some time in the next few years.
We could survive on Steve's salary alone, but aren't willing to sacrifice all the extras that my salary gives us. The idea of having to make a budget and follow it gives me hives.
Good, secure, legal jobs are hard to come by, and I have a really sweet deal where I'm at, particularly now that we can telework. If I gave this up, I can almost guarantee I'd never find anything like this again, making it really, really hard for me to even consider leaving.
what about quitting and looking for something else? Sounds like you aren't happy at your job but maybe don't want to not be working? Take some time off to start the school year and figure things out and then look for something else? Might be a good compromise. Or stay at your job but see how things work out once school starts. Maybe things will be ok?
for me personally I have never wanted to SAH but working PT would be nice. I just haven't found any opportunities. DH makes twice what I make but I do make a decent amount so me quitting would impact our lives. I was laid off 3 years ago and even then it wasn't a real thought to just stay home. Partly because dd does so well in daycare!
but more than just the money is the security of us both having jobs in this economy. I know it would be unfair and too stressful to dh to have him be the sole worker. He already stresses out a ton about being the primary breadwinner and him losing his job. At least with us both working if one of us lost our job we have backup.
Another thing to consider is future earnings if you want to reenter the workforce. Although sounds like you aren't getting raises so it might not affect you as much. But that is something I think about.
I also carry the benefits and have a decent 401k match so it just makes sense for me to work.
I'm in a similar situation to Lisa, except my employer is amenable to it - I have a lot of perks being a full time employee (and would as a PT, too), but right now, I have the added cost of carrying our benefits. I would have to pay what I currently pay even if I went part time.
Casey's benefits are billed at the individual plan level which is outrageously expensive. I pay a boatload for all 3 of us (b/c our insurance is awful) but Casey would pay much much more.
We could afford it, most likely, but Casey's work can be unpredictable, it all depends on what/when movies come in to town. There may be 4 movies a year, but if they're all shooting at the same time, he, obviously an only work on one. If there are 4 movies spread out throughout the year, I wouldn't have to work. Unfortunately, our financial situation is just too unpredictable for me to step away. And like Lisa, I have a pretty sweet set up right now and I'd hate to give it up.
Pretty much what Amanda said. ETA: Also what Lisa said!
I have been looking for something part time for a while. The options that make part time do-able just aren't there, but I will continue to look. I really think that part time will be the balance I'm looking for right now.
As for quitting completely, I would love to - but living on a single income gives me anxiety, especially in this economy. On the other hand, if I got laid off, I doubt I would make any efforts to find another job.
It's a never ending back and forth for me! I think the only things that would force me into a decision at this point, would be getting laid off or if DH got a decent bump in salary.
I think the number is different for each family and depends more on the specific living situation than an exact amount of income. I am in the "Want to work" category and my salary really is laughable. But if I were to consider quitting, here are some questions I would ask myself.
1. What would I be giving up personally? For me I have a strong sense of call to my job. I love what I do and feel like it gives me purpose. I would also be giving up a big part of my identity. But I know not everyone is so connected to their jobs. I am a lucky girl.
I also thrive on a little bit of "me" time, which sometimes come through my job, (driving to the hospital to visit, heading out on some errands for the church) and other times comes through an occasional bonus day off when I can still send S to daycare. (About 1-2x/quarter, depending on how many retreats and programs I do. I am totally heading out at lunch today because I was here last week all day every day for vacation Bible School!) I would be giving up mostly all of my "me" time.
2. What would we be giving up as a family? Laughable as my salary is, it still is income which allows us to vacation as we want, put in a pool, be generous with family, pay ahead on some debts, etc. Although we could live comfortably and still do some of those things on DH's salary, we'd have to give up some of the extras and spontaneous things. For us we'd also be giving up a connection to this church. (Pastors can't/shouldn't stay once they've stepped down. It is TOTALLY not fair to the person coming in after you.)
3. What would we be gaining as a family? This category is harder for me to answer because right now I still want to work, but we would gain a lot of flexibility. We would get our weekends back. (Having to work Sunday AM can sometimes be a bummer and put a damper on travel and weekend getaways, etc. Even just in terms of yard work and chores I am out ALL day on Sundays for most of the year...during the school year it's 8:00am-12:30pm or later and then 6:00pm-9:30pm.) I would also have a lot of dedicated time with S, instead of trying to cram everything (cleaning, shopping, fun stuff) into the two week days and one weekend day a week I have with him now. (But I know I am very fortunate to even have those days!)
4. What would I gain personally? I would be more free to volunteer once S gets to be school age. I would love to go on field trips, be homeroom mom, etc. I would also like to think my house would be cleaner and my gardens more put together and I could do all of the crafty projects on my list...but somehow I know better!
Maybe you could sit down with your H and list out negatives and benefits of you staying home? Make budget based on just his salary/benefits and see how comfortable it feels/how much margin it gives. Maybe even try to live on just his salary for a couple of months (saving yours or making additional payments to debts beyond what is ordinary to pay down significant debts) to see how it works out in real life when things come up unexpectedly?
And then set a deadline to "reevaluate." Maybe you keep things the way they are until the end of 2013 and then in December decide what you want to do for the first 6 months of the New Year? Find a time table that is comfortable for both of you. I find that I do best when I think "In 3 months I can see how this is working or stop or change if I have to."
If you think you'd rather work closer to home or work from home, start looking. See if anything comes your way. You're in an enviable position to not have to take a different job unless it feels just right. You'll know when the positives outweigh the negatives. (And there are always negatives. But there are always positives, too!)
And remember, just because you decide something for now doesn't mean you are committing forever and for always. If you quit, you can always decide to go back. If you stay, you can quit later. If you take a different job you are always free to look again. Some of those things may be harder than others, but you'll likely also have options that you can't even imagine right now.
Good luck in deciding!
I work because I want to. DH and I were making about the same amount yearly. I had tried the SAHM thing when I was unemployed, and it just wasn't for me. I didn't dislike being with my kids, but I missed work and work related accomplishments.
DH has quit his job, and is now a SAHD and doing some work/business on the side. Our cash flow hasn't changed much, because of the amount that we were paying in daycare.
As for the amount, I think it's a matter of setting what your priorities are for your household, and then estimating how much those priorities will cost (including savings, vacations, and other wants). And then making the decision as to whether or not you can swing it.
I agree with this. DH and I definitely had different expectations with regards to household chores when he started SAH. And it was a challenge at first to sort it all out (with the layers of complexity of building a house, additional work he was doing there, him starting his business, my workload suddenly increasing, etc.).
Then there is the issue of the SAH parent needing additional breaks/me time. This is a big issue for us, because we don't really have family in the area to help out with the kids.
I just read your comment about your not working affecting your marriage. That is much stickier than any amount of $$.
Like the other ladies, my biggest suggestion is to talk talk talk! Talk about it with your H. Maybe even get a neutral 3rd party involved. (NOT your parents or someone close to you!) I may even go so far as to write up a contract/job description if household responsibilities are going to be a challenge. And decide on a time when you will re-evaluate to see if its working.
If it is more worrying about your value since you won't be bringing in a paycheck, I would talk about that, too. Talk about what value you place on staying with your kids, as well as addressing your ability to spend $$, if you'll need to ask "approval" to spend, etc. (That sounds really harsh....I can't think of a better way to say it though!)
Good luck!!! These aren't easy waters to navigate!
I work because I have too. Since DH has his own business I carry our health care, and his income is not steady.
Although his business is doing really well and he has a nice "bank" to run the business off of and still contributes to half the household, I need the stability of a Check every week to budget and make sure we can pay the bills and still be able to save something and have fun.
That being said. I also keep the job I have of almost 8 yrs because I do enjoy where I work. And it works for our schedules. Could I make more somewhere else? Maybe, but I am not really willing to give up some of the things that make this job "work" for us in order to make a few more bucks. I sorta feel like "the grass isn't always greener and if it ain't broke don't fix it" I believe being happy with what you do where you are and who you work with is almost just as important as the money with in reason.
DH would have to have a FOR SURE income of at least 35,000 or more ON TOP of what he makes, for me to quit totally. That would make up for my income and to get Healthcare. Since he is self employed I am sure it would be outrageous to get coverage for us anywhere near what we have now though my company.
I would however, sooner work part time at Starbucks or something IF for some reason our schedule would have to change and we would need to pay daycare, which we have never done. I couldn't justify working 40+ hrs a week to pay someone else to raise my children and maybe pay the mortgage. Benefits or not, I would try to figure something else out.
Married, September 23, 2006
I think about this a lot and I?m torn in several directions. For a few months I was seriously beginning to plan the idea of going freelance when T started Kindergarten. And then a few weeks ago, we bought tickets to see The Lion King, which is something that it would be tricky to afford if I made significantly less money.
Without daycare (and possibly with it), we could live on DH?s salary. But budgeting and tracking spending closely makes us both cranky. In this case, money does buy us happiness.
I think I mostly fantasize about freelancing during the summer. It would be nice if the kids could sleep in and just play instead of having to go to camp every day. But if I WAH we would still want them to go to camp for some of the summer and it would be harder to afford. I also think it would be harder to get DH to be a partner around the house if I freelanced. I did some part-time work while I was unemployed and he seemed to think my lay-off was a free pass to avoid all housework.
For the time being, I?m working full time and making the best of the job that I have. As soon as we?re done paying for T?s daycare, I want to double down our efforts in financial planning and put more money into the house ? two things that have been lacking since H was born. But I am going to continue to do my side work as much as I can squeeze it in. I enjoy it and maybe if I can build it slowly on the side, it can be easier to turn into a ?real? job when the kids are older. At the very least it is a viable post-retirement job?whether I retire from my career in 10 years or 40 years. ;-)
Or maybe my next full time job will be so full of awesome that I?ll stop doing the side work all together. Who knows.
If I were you, Mandy, I would look for a new job. Being unsatisfied and unfulfilled at work just makes your sacrifices seem much less worthwhile.
I was thinking the same thing. I don't think you meant it to be offensive, but when a lot of us here have our children in daycare, it is something that isn't going to be taken well.
Not to stir the pot, but I agree with Amy here. This comment rubbed me the wrong way.
DH is a SAHD because the opportunity presented itself, however, I was sad to take my kids out of daycare. I think they both benefited greatly from daycare. And in no way did I feel like I was having my kids "raised" by someone else. Beyond the educational aspect (dd was learning to read before she turned 4 and she loved it), I think they benefited from the interaction that they received not only with the other kids, but also with the teachers and other adults.
There are an infinite number of ways to raise healthy, well-adjusted kids and while your way may work for you, it's not the only way.
some people analyze it in terms of, does what you make just enough to cover daycare, afterschool, preschool, babysitters while subtracting what you pay for work clothes, lunchs out, time spent commutting, gas etc... If so & even if its weighed that your paycheck is a little higher then if you don't love what you do, why do it if you don't need the salary? I'm also one that could not stay home full time but the things that I could do if I was home - man it would be a whole new way of living. Volunteer, take some classes, organize my house ! All the things I can never do b/c I work. So while I do believe I can't be home 100% of the time, I would certainly be able to fill my time.
Also, I'm sure you have heard a million times as I had - the tough years are just beginning when they get to school. Homework, school activities, etc.. so your time will be filled very quickly.
Unfortunately, I will never have to make this decision b/c I'm the breadwinner. If my husband was the breadwinner and I could swing it I would work part time or do a more meaningful job. However, I just quit my job of 16.5 yrs to start my own firm so I'm going in the opposite direction of not working.
If you can do it, why not give it a try?!
How time flies! Caileigh (9), Keira (6) & Eamon (3)
ditto. I'll just leave it at that out of politeness.
And I would say the money invested in daycare for EJ is well worth it, cause she would not have been so well socialized, or educated being stuck with me all day. Cause I hit my mama fatigue point pretty quickly. I totally could have been a SAHM if she could have still gone to daycare full time.
But every family works differently- and I am not a full time mom type of person. And she loves school. So win win. (aside from that massive hunk of money over the past 5.5 years, but whatever... I get a raise when she starts K... and another when she goes to full day 1st grade!)
See, Sheila, that's just it... even though my salary does help us to pay for some extras, I just wonder if our family wouldn't benefit from the change of pace that might come with me being at home. For instance, with us doing grandma daycare for the past almost 6 years, DH and I have rarely been able to go on dates b/c we don't generally have sitters for the weekends. Not to mention, I feel guilty leaving them on the weekends b/c I'm gone during the week (DH does to an extent, but it's mostly me). And of course you guys know I have some other issues with the grandma daycare that will never be resolved. I just feel like with DD starting school we're at another crossroads where we could potentially choose a different path and I don't want to regret missing the opportunity some day.
For the record, I don't in any way feel like there's a right or wrong decision here (which is why I struggle with it so much)! One of the main things I've realized being PT and having one foot on each side of the fence is that there are many things to be gained and sacrifices to be made whether you're working 40+ hrs a week or SAH.
another ditto! I read it last night and was ticked but held off on commenting. I agree I don't think it was meant as offensive but unfortunately I think a lot of people feel this way and make comments like this and they are offensive. I am amazed that this feeling is still prevalent. Many people have to use daycare just to pay for their mortgage and make ends meet. If it doesn't work for you then fine but plenty of people it does and would find this hurtful.