Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: bridesmaid cant afford dress
Don't kick her out of the wedding party over money. She's your SIL, you made her a bridesmaid, that's final. No backing out. That would be so ugly.
If you can't afford to pay for her dress (but if it's only 100, I don't see why you can't help her, since she's traveling to be there), what about asking the inlaws? It's not ideal, but if it's that or kick their daughter out of the wedding party, I'm sure they would help her out.
I do think the bride is responsible for making sure her bridesmaids are comfortable, I asked my BFF to be my bridesmaid, and it involved travel for her. I let her pick her own dress (cheapo!) and paid for all her accessories and got her a gift.
Don't go into this with the "it's my day and everyone should do what I want" attitude. People are doing you a favor too, by standing up with you. Instead of seeing it as their duty, look at it as a wonderful gift they are giving you. She's spending time and money to stand up for you, show some appreciation!
ETA: (Sorry, what I wrote all cleared out.) What I did was pick out a color and fabric. I then let the girls all pick the dresses they liked, and then we all compared. Sure enough, all the dresses look great together. They are a bit pricey, but I was told that budgets were not a concern. The dresses are casual, but are very classy. I have made arrangements with a family friend to do their altering, and then after the wedding I will pay her to alter any of the dresses to a shorter length because they really can be worn again. I am not requiring them to have their hair professionally done, but I do ask that they wear it half up, curled. I do have appts booked if they want them, but they absolutely do not have to have someone do it. Their shoes will be whatever is comfortable with them, but in the color family of the flowers we choose.
Ask yourself if in 5 years, will it matter to you exactly what your BM's looked like, or that they were there with you. I KNOW you want it to look perfect, but honestly it's YOUR day. People should be looking at you and your groom. At the end of your wedding, it's about being with your best friend, the love of your life. If the way the bridesmaids look is going to ruin your day, then you should probably take a good hard look at your wedding in the first place.
It's pretty simple really. You either want her in the wedding, or you don't. If you want her in it. You offer to pay for the dress and plane ticket. If its not that important to you, "let her down easy" and tell her if she wants to back out you understand that it's pricy and you won't be upset.
if your response is "but I can't AFFORD to pay for all that for her" then maybe you should consider, perhaps she can't afford it either.
i have been there and done that for my bridesmaid. Picked a cheap dress on purpose. But I knew full well when I invited/asked her to bei n the wedding that she is TERRIBLE with money and there would be a good chance she would either back out completely or not be able to pay. So I made my mind up ahead of time that if it came to is, then I would just pay it and not ask any questions because although it drives me nuts, I have always known she makes dumb money decision but I love her anyway, and asked her anyway, and yes, she never ended up paying me back for the dress, and my mom had to help her out with the cost of the room she stayed in because she had to travel. But I ended up with the wedding of my dreams surrounded by the people I love. And I wouldn't have had it any other way. Didnt have to worry about uneven numbers, No last minute "substitutions" for a friend with a bigger wallet to stand in her place.
Then again I had a very small simple wedding compared to mostl only had 3 bridesmaids, all of which are very good friends. That I couldn't imagine the day without. If its really not that important that she actually be a bridesmaid, then maybe have her be with the guest book, or do a speaking part in the ceremony, or something else that doesn't require so much of a financial commitment.