Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
24 years old, engaged and need help.
Hi everyone,
I'm an only child, really have no "real friends" because I've stuck by his side for so long.
I just wanted to take the time to say thank you for reading this!
I need your opinion, to make a long story short...
My fiance (28) and I (24) have been together for 5 years, and engaged for 4 years. We moved cross country (Virginia to California), about 6 months ago and started our own business.
I think it was the worse possible mistake of my life.
Here's the thing, I didn't finish college because I was sure I was going to marry him, I only ended up getting an Associates degree in business, have 10 years past experience in retail, and have now owned my own business for 6 months.
He has no degree, and only has worked for his father in the past on the books, so really has no "real" work experience.
We have now been moved across the country for almost 6 months and know absolutely NO ONE where we live, we have NO friends, NO family.. no nothing besides our business.
We work 80+ hours a week together, have no employees and things have been rocky AS EVER.
We no longer talk about a wedding, and after 4 years of being engaged you think I'd have a long list of what I want our wedding to be like... nope!
I am just so depressed because I feel like moving cross country, and starting a business with him was just so wrong and now and feel stuck and have no idea what to do.
He tells me since I have no real experience.. I've never be able to get a job and he has threatened me saying that I'll have to "move back home with my parents". He's so negative, mentally abusive and it's tearing me up making me feel lifeless.
I'm an only child, really have no "real friends" because I've stuck by his side for so long.
Does anybody have any advice? Anything would be appreciated because I can't take this anymore. Thanks everyone
Re: 24 years old, engaged and need help.
First, have you ever read job requirements? In a certain fields they read, college degree or 10 years experience.
Fellow retail employee here, hello. All I can say, is sit down and revamp your resume.
It's a cluster what you have going on right now. Start up business is like a baby, not great for a relationship. Moving away from your home, again not great for your relationship. Him being an a$$, not the best.
Find value in yourself and then look to the rest. I'm not seeing a great result out of what you have given but you will be okay. Good luck.
#2 I know you need to be cautious however Craigslist is pretty decent in finding rooms for rent. You could find other females you can rent an apartment, house, etc. Obviously you need to really be careful with that option but it worked out well for a few of my friends.
If you decide to stay with him, I'll play devils advocate for a second. I can understand that owning your own business causes stress that can cause each of you to lash out at each other. Here's the thing, you guys are living together, working together, and are in each others faces 24/7. YOU NEED A BREAK. It's completely unhealthy to be so intertwined with each other.
I wish you luck.. Also as a stay at home mom please allow me to tell you that living on one income is tough and my husband has 2 degrees. He or you should consider going back to school as backup in case your current business fails.
#2 I know you need to be cautious however Craigslist is pretty decent in finding rooms for rent. You could find other females you can rent an apartment, house, etc. Obviously you need to really be careful with that option but it worked out well for a few of my friends.
If you decide to stay with him, I'll play devils advocate for a second. I can understand that owning your own business causes stress that can cause each of you to lash out at each other. Here's the thing, you guys are living together, working together, and are in each others faces 24/7. YOU NEED A BREAK. It's completely unhealthy to be so intertwined with each other.
I wish you luck.. Also as a stay at home mom please allow me to tell you that living on one income is tough and my husband has 2 degrees. He or you should consider going back to school as backup in case your current business fails.
Career Builder, put your resume up and apply in your area.
Retail is always hiring, management that is knowledgable is hard to find. Your in CA, they rule at awesome shopping spots.
Your bigger problem is HIM.
You said he brings you down! You said he threatens you --- do you sincerely want a future with a shit like him?
I vote that you pack up, take what belongs to you and go home.
He is a pig. Somebody who loves you won't threaten you and somebody who loves you won't ride your coattails.
Move back in with your parents. And see what you can do about finding a decent job there, along with finding out what you want to do in life, job wise.
If you want to go back to college, take a few classes and see if this is what it is you really want --- there's also the option of learning a trade; maybe you'd have a better shot at getting a job if you did that. there are many jobs that are excellent and pay good money and that do not require a degree.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Research CA retailers that offer decent pay like Costco, Trader Joes and maybe even Starbucks or local grocery stores. Research each company and put in a good resume. Once you get a job, look for roomates and get out of there.
You will not have a happy and healthy future with this man. You need to get out now. Maybe even consider going back home and returning to CA when the time is right. Whatever you do, get out.
Your fiance and my ex have very similar issues. I was your age when I broke up with my headache and now it's time for you to break up with yours. You don't need to be bogged down and destroyed by a guy who has nowhere near the experience you do, and has no plan for his own future, yet tries to make you think that you're the one who has nowhere to go.
Insecure people like this will say anything to pull you down to their level, and try to keep you there. Way deep down it's because they know you're better than that and they're intimidated by you. Their baggage, however, is not your problem.
He doesn't get to tell you that you're going to stay at home with the kids. My ex tried to say that crap to me too. It was because he didn't "feel like school" himself and saw no reason to try, and he had to be the macho man in charge.
He doesn't get to try to guilt you or demotivate you into dropping out of school, or try to convince you not to worry your pretty little head because he'll take care of teh moneys. Ex kept going on and on about how my Master's degree wouldn't amount to much because he'd just be making "so much more" working at a bar. Ummm... NO.
He definitely doesn't get to freak you about about moving back home with your parents. Holding that over your head shows a lot of desperation and cowardice on his part.
And for what it's worth, I don't know your parents but a temporary move back with them seems like a hell of a better option than the rest of your life with Fred Flintstone. I know it's hard to start over, but I was with a guy like yours, for a long long time, and I was that scared 24-year-old too. I'm doing better now, just as you will be. Dump him, call the business a loss, chalk it up to life experience, and do the right thing for YOU.
Companies like that still exist.
There's also the option of an on campus job --- or working 2 semesters and taking the next 2 off to work and then 2 more on and then 2 more working.
I still favor the trade.
There are many trades:
Cosmeticians, mechanics, woodworkers, graphic artists, cad/cam, printing, haircutters, barbers, tailors, seamstresses, to name a few.
LEAVE THIS HOUSE *NOW* IF YOU HAVE *ANY* SELF RESPECT!
Right now it sounds like neither of you want to step up to the plate and drive this engagement into full force. Marriage is forever. Also, the language he chooses to use towards you is unacceptable. Husbands are to love and respect their wives, and if the wife does not feel they are loved, will feel as you do right now.
Its ok to move home, even if its a crappy place you use that as motivation to get somewhere you want to be. I would suck up moving back home for a couple of years to finish school and move forward with my life and career.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Get rid of him TODAY.
This is where God helps those who helps himself.
10 % ?? Are you kidding me 10%
I'm sorry but what is wrong with you ? Why would you settle for 10% ? Do you really think that you don't deserve better than that ? Would you want your daughter to be with a man that treated her the same way that your husband treats you ? What about your little sister or you best friend ? Do you think they would deserve better ? When your parents imagined you getting older and finding someone special is this what they imagine or were hoping for ?
Please, please go home or move out. Please talk to someone and get to the bottom of why you tolerated this kid of treatment for so long. Now when I say talk to someone, I am talking from my own experience. I have gone to counseling before and I think it was one of the healthiest decisions I ever made.