Married Life
michaela89
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
married by court but want to still plan a wedding ceremony (LONG)
in Married Life
Hi everyone!
I've been married now for 2 1/2 years to my Husband and am loving every moment with him! We did a simple court wedding because my husband and I knew we wouldn't be financially stable till we started our careers (we're currently college students) and we wanted to be married to each other finally. We knew that we wanted to have a big ceremony where we invited all our family and friends but figured we could wait when we were more stable financially.
Recently my good friend got engaged this week (whoohoo!) and I'm happy for her, but seeing her plan her wedding has made me feel sad that I hadn't planned my own wedding like she is. I feel very happy for her but now I want to plan mine. Is it too late to look into doing a wedding ceremony after being married for 2 1/2 years or should I still do it? Anyone gone through this or have advice? Thank you! :-)
I've been married now for 2 1/2 years to my Husband and am loving every moment with him! We did a simple court wedding because my husband and I knew we wouldn't be financially stable till we started our careers (we're currently college students) and we wanted to be married to each other finally. We knew that we wanted to have a big ceremony where we invited all our family and friends but figured we could wait when we were more stable financially.
Recently my good friend got engaged this week (whoohoo!) and I'm happy for her, but seeing her plan her wedding has made me feel sad that I hadn't planned my own wedding like she is. I feel very happy for her but now I want to plan mine. Is it too late to look into doing a wedding ceremony after being married for 2 1/2 years or should I still do it? Anyone gone through this or have advice? Thank you! :-)
Re: married by court but want to still plan a wedding ceremony (LONG)
Look, I got married in the courthouse. And I've helped friend's plan weddings. It's fun for a week and then it becomes an expensive, stressful hell. I've never once regretted skipping the big wedding. It's the marriage that's important. Not what you were wearing and who was there when it started.
And here is why:
As somebody's pointed out, you and your H already have had a legal ceremony.
Bear in mind that what you will be planning is NOT a wedding.
A wedding is an event that legally unifies 2 people who currently are not wed to anybody.
It also throws a monkey wrench into a religious ceremony, if you are planning on one. You simply cannott bend a rule in some denominations. (Catholics do covalidation ceremonies but by no means is it for couples who want the big bell and whistle "wedding" when they are already wed.)
What you would be having is some sort of a vow renewal ---- I can only see the point in vow renewals for couples married for an astonishing amount of years -- maybe a 40th or 50th anniversary.
I also frown on the whole idea of a "wedding" after a couple's been legally wed. It seems like an after thought and a draw for attention and a pitch for presents.
To say that some type of ceremony is a "wedding" when you've already been legally wed is also a breach of etiquette to me.
Save your money and do something else with the money for the "wedding" when the time comes. Maybe go on a neat trip somewhere or spend it on something the 2 of you have always wanted.
There is nothing wrong with being married in a courthouse. A friend of mine did that --- after the courthouse ceremony they had a small reception for 30 people at a local restaurant...and I say this is one of the smartest things I've ever seen a couple do. They avoided a financial onslaught and they still got the day they wanted, with the people that mattered the most.
But if you were just young and got ahead of yourselves and got married because, well, "OH- we just want to be MARRIED" (and I'd bet you probably attached some concept to it of "oh, we're so grown up now!") and then over 2 years later threw a full on wedding - I'd absolutely side-eye it.
And to quote Kimbus, "It's the marriage that's important. Not what you were wearing and who was there when it started.". Repeat this to yourself. It's the MARRIAGE that matters. Not the wedding.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Full Definition of WEDDING
I think that yes, it's true, you had a wedding. I wouldn't plan a WEDDING, but I think if you and your husband decide that you have the resources to plan a party, or celebration and that is something that you two would really like to experience then go for it.
I also REALLY disagree with people who are saying others will think it's for attention. Yeah, maybe some will - but this is about the two of you. People who really love you guys and support your marriage, and those who really know you (hopefully) won't think that.
Weddings are too much about other people, and not enough about you - so if it's something you're both needing to really celebrate and make your marriage official - then do it! Invite those who could not come, rent a nice venue and have a party!
That being said, I do like what was said about possibly waiting until you've been married for say 5 years, and then doing a commitment ceremony type thing!
If it's important to you, you should do it before you have kids and all the rest!
Honestly, I would put whatever money that would have gone towards a wedding to a nice vacation, just the two of you.
Or possibly take your nearest and dearest to a nice restaurant to celebrate your anniversary ? Having a wedding and reception so long after just seems silly.
Wow! Who shit in your cheerios this morning?
@michaela89 I would suggest not inviting Maybride to your 5 year vow renewal!
Yes, SOME people will think nothing of it. But SOME will roll their eyes. They'll come, put a smile on, and have fun - but some of the people absolutely WILL think that you're doing it for the attention. They are just too polite to say it out loud.
I know it's cynical, but I really don't see why you need to have other people celebrate your relationship - and especially at only 5 years along.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
No one shit in my Cheerios. I'm just being honest..........and honestly, I'm being rather nice with my honesty. I'm guessing you weren't around in the Nest's heyday.
No, please don't invite me to a 5 year vow renewal. Unless you have a different type of marriage where your vows actually expire after 5 years, I really think it's silly and premature to have a big celebration for such a short time being married.
OP can do whatever she wants, and if she and her husband want to throw themselves a pretend wedding there is nothing stopping them. She asked for opinions, and she's getting them - blunt, honest opinions that surely other people in her life will no doubt have, but might be too nice to share with her.
I was 9 months pregnant when I graduated grad school. I didn't have a big party or anything to celebrate my graduation. Maybe now, 6 years later, I should throw myself a graduation party. You know, because those people that truly love me will of course want to come celebrate my grad school graduation and pretend like it just happened. Oh, but I don't want gifts or attention, I just want to celebrate my degree!!!!!!
Look, some people don't get weddings , just like some people don't get bridal / baby showers , or engagement parties, or sweet 16 parties , or quineaneras , or bar mitzvahs. It's just the way it is sometimes. Sure it is sad, but it happens. Put your money towards something better.
That's the bottom line.
Stop watching TV and stop keeping up with the Joneses.
There is a woman that a friend of mine works with --- the coworker decided, at age 57 and 2 teenage kids later, to have a full out bells and whistles "marriage ceremony" followed by a huge reception for 200.
She went the full 9 yards with a white gown and veil and bridesmaids --- and somebody even gave her a wedding shower. THat to me is a breech of etiquette; you're married, why do you want a shower?
(And if you are going to have one, let it be with all gag gifts or something that the guest brings that can be donated to a charity. What does a couple with a home and 2 kids and everything they need -- they go on a fancy trip each year -- want with a shower?)
The day of the festivities, it rained....
And how.... all day long. All night long. And clear through the weekend.
Torrential rain up the wazoo -- and the reception was in an area of the state that was way off the beaten path and not well lit at night. Must have been horrrible for the guests trying to find their way to that reception.
Silly to have a ceremony and a reception that many years later. And silly to have one at all, after you've already been wed, in a courthouse or whereever.
Don't do it.
You guys are still getting on your financial feet --- save your money.
In 5 years when you've got a pretty good penny saved, do something else, like I said. Maybe even get a fabulous ring that you can eventually pass on to a daughter.:)