Married Life
cloudymeatballs
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I am upset. With DH
I have a good friend who is getting married. She asked me to be in her wedding. Great. She is having a destination wedding in Mexico. Well, the weekend of her wedding is the same weekend my H has a yearly softball thing he goes to. I understand he loves his softball and it is something he looks forward to, but I as his wife need to go to Mexico for this wedding. He told me that it isn't fair that I would want him to not do his softball thing. I told him life happens and sometimes thiings will come up that weekend, but that I will try to never plan anything that weekend. I know how much he looks forward to this, but its one year. It is one time I would expect him to not go. I am just really hurt, upset, I don't know I just can't believe we even have to have this talk. He basically told me that I could go with a friend. Or I should not do the wedding. I am just, I don't know. I mean, am I wrong here? I figured, youre married, we go to weddings and such together. I am in a wedding, he should go, especially when it is in another country. I am just shocked that this needs a conversation. I get for him to be a little bummed about it but wouldn't think it would need to be a discussion/fight..
Re: I am upset. With DH
Married couples don't have to go to weddings together. Especially when one person is in the wedding, and the other isn't. Honestly, I hate that. Sitting alone during the ceremony, because your spouse is standing up front? Sitting alone through a rehearsal feeling like a weird intruder.
My suggestion is to calm your hurt and anger toward him. I don't think you're wrong, but I don't think he is either. I do understand where he is coming from. His big softball event might be every year...but it is only once a year. I can only imagine how much he looks forward to this tradition.
He isn't choosing the softball event over you and I think that is unfair to say. He is choosing it over going to your friend's destination wedding. I totally understand that his attending is important to you and I'm going to guess that your needs did weigh heavily on his decision. But going to his yearly softball event is also important to him.
You make a good point that all couples are different. Absolutely! But, of course, even within a couple, the two people can also have very different attitudes about a subject and that seems to be what is going on here. Your feelings seem to be shock and hurt that he wants you to go to the wedding without him. His feelings seem to be "Bummer! The events conflict, let's each go separately to the event we want." I totally understand your disappointment and, personally, I think he should go with you. I mean, even as the "loser" in this arguement, he goes on a fun trip to Mexico...not to the dentist's office. But he isn't a bad guy in this situation either just because he doesn't see taking separate trips as a big deal.
I understand you're disappointed that you're not getting the weekend away that you wanted. But you're acting like a giant martyr here because you have CHOSEN to do things you don't want to do in the past. Keeping score about this kind of thing is a recipe for disaster.
You have options here:
A. Go to the wedding alone (or with a friend) and have a great time.
B. Start a giant fight with your H and both end up pissed off regardless of the outcome.
C. Decide you're not comfortable going alone and sit at home stewing in your own anger.
I mean, really, this is not a hard decision.
I have explained to him and he needs to think about it. I am just really in shock honestly that this is such an ordeal between us. I told him how I do understand what this weekend means to him, but this means a lot to me. Its one time. one thing. One year. One time I am asking him to do anything for ME. I wouldn't ever ask him to miss "his weekend" for nothing. That's just it. This whole situation is really hurting my feelings...
That's just it. He expects us to go with him. When we have kids, he wants this to be our Memorial weekend forever! He has gone year after year with his friends. Before they were all married and such,. They are all married now. Two guys this year aren't going. Next year, who knows whats next. Kids are on their way, these women all want kids and we are all trying.
Did he say this? Probably not. You're overreacting. If you really think this is the case, just TALK to him about it. "Are you afraid that if I convince you to go to this wedding that I'm going to try to keep you from going later on down the road? Because I won't. I understand that this is extremely important to you, but I really want to attend my friend's wedding, and I'm terrified of going to Mexico without a penis to protect me."
He also didn't say that he wouldn't! Now you're just holding it against him that he's not willing to make decisions about vague hypothetical situations.