3T Check In

amandaf6383

If you have any changes to this list, wish to be removed, added, or have graduated (yay!), please shoot me a PM.

FYI: We don't want to exclude some ladies, but this is a check in for ladies who are unfortunately having trouble trying to conceive (TTTC=3T). If you've been trying for more than a year and/or have been diagnosed with any form of infertility OR are now pursuing adoption or have decided to remain childless following a 3T journey, you are welcome to join us.

Updates: Ok ladies... where are we at this week? Testing, Procedures, Appointments, Adoption updates, Life updates? What’s going on, etc. Let's hear all about it!

QOTW: What are you insecure about?

FFC/AW of the Week (no rules):

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3T

-Abt81813 - Graves Disease DX; Still testing for PCOS; Clomid cycle to start soon

--Aimothy: TTC since October 2009, DX: PCOS & Unexplained MFI, IVF Summer 2012

- amandaf6383: TTC since July 2012. DX: PCOS. On Metformin. Clomid & getting healthy before pursuing IUI/IVF

-brij2006: TTC since 4/13 DX: PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles); further treatment Winter 2015

-Flamingo86: TTC since July 2012, 4 losses. Dx: MTHFR, clotting issues, otherwise unexplained. Considering adoption.

-Frizby: TTC since July 2011, trying some natural remedies before moving forward.

- FutureMrsWright2012 - TTX since March 2012. DX: low AMH and decreased BAF count. 5/2013 - 2 unsuccessful Clomid + IUI cycles, and now waiting to start IVF in Summer 2014.

-Islandmonkey08 - TTC since January 2013. DX: Annovulatory/Unknown reason. IUI #1 currently happening Feb 2014.

-IloveRedVino: DX:Primary dx PCOS, secondary dx unexplained infertility. One stillbirth, one miscarriage, two failed IVF cycles. Exploring new options

-LooneyLife: TTC since May 2011, DX: Unexplained w/mild MFI

-nfp147: No longer actively TTC but still amazing support to 3T family and deeply loved.

-poppies717 - TTC #1 since Feb. '12; dx - unexplained; 2 rounds of IVF in winter 2013-2014, 1 m/c; taking time to grieve

-rccola1981: TTC since April 2011, DX: dx to mild PCOS, endometriosis and low sperm count

-Rockabye: TTC since Dec 2008, DX: PCOS with no ovulation at all. 2 failed Clomid/IUI cycles. Injectables April 2013 = BFN.

-Seahorsey: TTC since October 2008, DX:Unexplained IF with failed IUIs and IVFs

-Sewilson33 - TTC since Dec. 2012; SA & BW came back great; Next step: HSG & RE

-Sweetpotato123 - Diagnosed with PCOS August 2012, all tests clear for both me and Mr (will be doing another HSG hopefully in December just in case) . 4 unsuccessful rounds of Clomid, 3 femara/inject iuis with 1 chemical and one miscarriage just shy of 6 weeks. Going for more testing to look at cause of losses and trying to stay hopeful.

-Xan921: TTC since March 2012. DX irregular and anovulatory cycles; also DX with Complex Endometrial Hyperplasia.

-Ystaalenburg: TTC since February 2012 DX: PCOS @ 16; Currently taking break after 2 failed treatment cycles.

LooneyLife

No real update. Baseline is Wednesday. Meds arrived yesterday.

QOTW: I'm insecure about almost everything I say. It's why I don't speak much in social situations.

nfp147

Nothing new here! I'm cheering hard for all of you

QOTW: My body. And, I worry that I might get something wrong at work.  A lot of people listen to my advice and I fear that I might accidentally give them the wrong information some day!

AW: I lost 7 pounds my first week on the shakes!

brij2006

Updates:  I don't really know where I belong now.  Probably not in the 3T check-in anymore.
H and I talked about things yesterday and we can't handle more losses.  He isn't comfortable moving onto an RE (even though I have some coverage on insurance for it now), and wants to solely focus on paying off our debt.  Then we'll re-evaluate once the debt is gone. 
I'm heartbroken with this decision but yet I feel a huge weight lifted off our shoulders.  We still haven't decided if I'm going to get back on BC until we're ready again, or if I'm going to continue the PCOS/GF diet and hope there is some regulacy to my cycles from it.  So maybe when we do start TTC again, we could at least conceive without help.
It isn't the direction I wanted to go right now, but I need my husband 100% on board with me about moving to the RE and getting some help.  He said he just isn't there yet, and isn't ready for that step.  So I am going to respect that until he is.  The last thing I want is a husband who isn't all-in on this plan with me.

I usually don't swear much, but 3T fucking sucks!  These are discussions nobody should ever have to have with their spouse.  We should be able to just have sex and get pregnant because we're ready. Not have to base the decision on whether or not we're ready to get help getting and staying pregnant, because my uterus doesn't like to keep babies alive. 
I'm trying to be okay with this decision, and am trying to look at the big picture and focus on other things in the meantime.  But it's not easy.

QOTW: What are you insecure about? My body and weight.  My IRL name is Bridget, and my nickname from family growing up was Big Digit Bridget.  It's something I want to make sure they never have any reason to call me again.

FFC/AW of the Week (no rules):

RockABye

update: nothing really. Just plugging along. Life has been challenging, but I'll rise above eventually.

QOTW: A lot of things.. personality/likeability, body, etc.. I think a better question is what am i NOT insecure about. ugh.

 

islandmonkey8

Update: 4 DPIUI. I am not feeling super hopeful. The doctor said my ovaries are a bit difficult to work with. Apparently, they are procrastinators (DH's description).  They won't respond for days and then all of a sudden I'll have 8-10 follies measuring about the same. I triggered on Friday with 8 follies at about 14mm. He said normally they wait til the follies are 18-20 but if they waited then I would have had yet another cancelled cycle. So instead he had me trigger a couple days earlier because the trigger should only mature about 40-50% of the 14mm follies. Our odds of multiples are higher, but that is only if they actually matured. He said I am a great candidate for IVF because of the way my ovaries respond. Which means nothing to be right now since we aren't doing IVF. So, now we wait, but I don't have much hope that these baby follies are going to result in a BFP. It also makes me worry that future IUI's will only result in the same. My progesterone check was today, hopefully that comes back okay at least.

QOTW: Myself overall. I was better when I was in shape. But this last year I've gotten so stressed and lazy that I've lost much confidence overall.

AW: It's DH's birthday today! Last night I made leg of lamb, red wine risotto, and vanilla cupcakes with Bailey's butter cream. All from scratch and delicious! Tonight we're seeing Muppets for his actual birthday and Saturday we're having a drunken birthday bash with friends at our house!

nfp147

brij2006 said:

Updates:  I don't really know where I belong now.  Probably not in the 3T check-in anymore.
H and I talked about things yesterday and we can't handle more losses.  He isn't comfortable moving onto an RE (even though I have some coverage on insurance for it now), and wants to solely focus on paying off our debt.  Then we'll re-evaluate once the debt is gone. 
I'm heartbroken with this decision but yet I feel a huge weight lifted off our shoulders.  We still haven't decided if I'm going to get back on BC until we're ready again, or if I'm going to continue the PCOS/GF diet and hope there is some regulacy to my cycles from it.  So maybe when we do start TTC again, we could at least conceive without help.
It isn't the direction I wanted to go right now, but I need my husband 100% on board with me about moving to the RE and getting some help.  He said he just isn't there yet, and isn't ready for that step.  So I am going to respect that until he is.  The last thing I want is a husband who isn't all-in on this plan with me.

I usually don't swear much, but 3T fucking sucks!  These are discussions nobody should ever have to have with their spouse.  We should be able to just have sex and get pregnant because we're ready. Not have to base the decision on whether or not we're ready to get help getting and staying pregnant, because my uterus doesn't like to keep babies alive. 
I'm trying to be okay with this decision, and am trying to look at the big picture and focus on other things in the meantime.  But it's not easy.

QOTW: What are you insecure about? My body and weight.  My IRL name is Bridget, and my nickname from family growing up was Big Digit Bridget.  It's something I want to make sure they never have any reason to call me again.

FFC/AW of the Week (no rules):

Taking a break is a difficult decision to come to but, in my experience, can be such a relief. 

I hope you and your H get the peace you need and can move on to whatever awaits you!

sweetpotato123

Gearing up for the last IUI either Sunday or Monday.

QOTW- my body in general, but specifically my boobs. They are large for my frame and I have always been super self conscious of them.

AW- just got back from a great lunch with a friend I haven't seen in ages. Delicious citrus salad with tempura rock shrimp. Yummmmmmm.

Thinking of you all.

blueeyedblossom

I'm thinking of all you ladies.

ILoveRedVino

CD20 and no ovulation, even with Femara. My body is dumb.

Adoption stuff...
Agency 1- we rejected bc we would pay bio mom's medical bills and if she changed her mind, we are out the $
Agency 2- rejected us for religious reasons (H is not practicing)
Agency 3- not accepting new families
Agency 4- rejected us because we are not open to all races and not open to significant drug exposure
Agency 5- still on the table

We may need to look at more national agencies and also may revisit IVF. My hesitation with IVF is that we don't know what the problem is, so we could go through it all for nothing again.

Blah.

I'm insecure about the lbs I have put on over the past 2 years. And about infertility.

ILoveRedVino

Brij-- I'm sorry.

Islandmonkey- I'm hopeful for you!

CincodeMayoLove

Brij. Breaks are hard, but they really are good fir the soul. Hope yours helps. ILRV, that's the pits. . Hope you find ab agency you're comfortable with.

poppies717

***Some BR and LR in this post***

Update: My numbers officially came down by half on Tuesday, so we feel confident this was just a spontaneous miscarriage. I have been pretty good about allowing myself to cry only twice a day. I finally understand the desire to say "Eff you" to every pregnant woman I see. 

I thought today would be an easy day for me because it was Career Day, so I just had to supervise the kids during presentations. Oh, no. Hell no. The woman presenting in my classroom decided to bring her fucking newborn with her. I walked in and stopped dead in my tracks. Of course, other people who were with me bolted right over to the baby and started oohing and ahhing. Who's the bitch who ignored the baby and didn't congratulate the new mom? Poppies. Sorry I'm not sorry. I kept it together through two presentations and a wrap-up session before I was finally alone in my room and could cry. A few of my pens met their demise today when I threw them across my room. At least it wasn't anything too destructive.

On top of that, ILs want to see us this weekend. They also told DH that his brother and SIL are "upset and hurt" that we haven't gone to see their baby (born in November - they live 8+ hours away). Um, we were just starting IVF, then had a failed IVF, then started our second IVF, and now are grieving a miscarriage. When exactly would be a good time to go subject myself to a weekend of their effing perfect facade of a life? (ETA: They have not come up north to see my ILs since nephew was born. ILs live an hour away from us, and we would have gone over for an hour to see baby if they had made the trip. They didn't.) I just feel like their "hurt feelings" are worth more to my ILs than our "hurt feelings." 3T, I hate you.

QOTW: I am super insecure about my stomach and my arms. I know that I probably look pretty thin, but I actually dress very well to hide it. I can't wear a two-piece bathing suit. It's just not good. And I really think my upper arms show that I'm not fit, so I hate them, too.

AW (maybe a FFC): DH and I really spoiled ourselves on Saturday after we got the call that our baby was gone. We went down to Copley in Boston and bought ourselves new shoes. DH bought one pair and I bought two. 

Say hello to my new friends: 

Again, sorry I'm not sorry. I know it's a huge waste, especially since our next step (whatever it will be) will be expensive, but buying new shoes brought us a few instances of smiles on a night we didn't think we could smile.

poppies717

Brij - Sending you so much love. You're right. This shouldn't happen. And it really sucks that it does happen. (hugs)

islandmonkey - You were hopeful for me when I had no hope, so I will be hopeful for you. I hope this is it. FX!

sweetpotato - FX for a perfect procedure. I hope this is it for you, too. We need some good news around here.

ILRV - I have no advice, but I want you to know that I have been thinking of you lately and sending good vibes out for you, my dear.

ETA: @amandaf6383 - I sent you a PM for an update

amandaf6383

There's still nothing here. AF came so I did ovulate but I don't even care because it's doing nothing. There's something else going on. I decided since I have to lose 70 lbs, I am going to switch RE's when I am half done. I figure we'll have to do the riggamaroll of testing again and it could take a few cycles so might as well do that while I'm losing the latter half of the weight. I have a dream of doing  an IVF cycle by the holidays but losing weight safely is most important so I don't have a deadline.

QOTW: I am very insecure about my weight, obviously. I live in mortal fear of getting in an argument with someone and them using it against me. Ughhhhhh. I'm also insecure about people liking me. I live in terror that people don't like me or think I'm a bitch and I hate that I am that way.

FFC: Sometimes I wish Tom were younger (he's 39). I feel like I would maybe hate being 3T less if I wasn't scared of him getting too old for a baby. I feel ashamed when I think that.

ILRV - I am sorry about the agencies. You and your husband will be amazing parents and the perfect agency that recognizes that will make one baby very lucky.

Poppies - I think of you every day. Your shoes are gorgeous, love.

Looney & Island Monkey - I have so much hope for both of you.

Brij - I love you and hate that you're feeling so sad.

Sweet Potato - I am wishing you lots of luck!

Xan921

Nothing new going on here.  I have my annual tomorrow afternoon and I hope to be able to schedule my next surgery then.  I'm really anxious to just get it done, hopefully get the results that I want and get back to my RE.  

QOTW:  I'm most insecure about a fat roll that I have on my left leg.  The rest of my body I'm fine with and have never been very insecure about oddly enough, but I hate that stupid roll so much.  I don't think I'll ever be able to get rid of it either as now it's more like flabby skin.  Blah. 

LooneyLife

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time, Poppies. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. {{hugs}}

Xan921

@islandmonkey8, wishing you so much luck!

@brij2006, I'm sorry you had to make a tough decision but perhaps a break will be really great for you and your Dh mentally and emotionally.  I cannot imagine how you all feel right now after a 3rd loss.

@poppies717, I'm so so sorry.  This just isn't fair  Cute shoes though!

@Sweetpotato123, good luck!  I hope this IUI works great for you!

@Iloveredvino, I'm sorry that you haven't found the right agency yet but I'm sure it is out there.  You're always in my thoughts!

@amandaf6383, you're going to kick ass at losing weight.  I can't wait to start seeing progress posts from you showing off how awesome you're doing!

@rockabye, I'm sorry you're going through a rough time.  Hang in there!

@Looneylife, I'm so excited for you and wish you soooo much luck in this cycle!

poppies717

Another quick update: I told my three best college girlfriends (they knew we were 3T). I emailed them just now after getting some liquid courage (thanks, pinot noir). I'm anxious about it. I know they'll be supportive, but I have a feeling one of them was hoping to announce a pregnancy when we get together next week. I think I just made it awkward. Continuing with my week's theme...Sorry I'm not sorry.

amandaf6383

I'm glad you're not sorry. This is IF. This is all of it. Just gotta plow through it and feel what you feel.

nfp147

Fingers crossed @islandmonkey8

@poppies717 - I'm glad you spoiled yourself a little; those shoes are beautiful!

@amandaf6383 - you've got this!  And, I can't imagine anyone not liking you.

@Xan921 - good luck tomorrow! I hope you can move forward!

Aimothy

@amandaf6383

I know that it means nothing when everyone tells you how you've got it.  They aren't the ones sitting with 70 extra pounds to lose when you just want to eat all the foodz and drink all the drinks. They aren't the ones that have to do one more fuckin thing before they can even have a chance to pay thousands of dollars to make a baby. 

It is not easy.  It sucks every day. And you are going to pig out and not care (even though you care so much) and gain back five pounds.  And there'll be guilt.  Because you've wasted so much time that you could be doing it but you don't want to do it because it's just not fuckin' fair that you don't have great metabolism. And because food. is. good. And it sucks.  Because you work your ass off day in and day out and only lose 2 lbs.  But can gain that by looking in the fridge.  

You will do it when your heart is ready to do it.  But just know that you have a strong support of girls here that can't wait to cheer on each pound lost.  Each milestone reached. 

And there's at least one girl that will help you punch all the people who try to make it seem like it's going to be an easy thing to lose 70 lbs.

ecinereb

I haven't posted much here lately and I'm sorry but I do check-in on you ladies regularly. I'm sorry about all the blah lately. Sending big hugs to everyone that needs them.

lb1117

So much love, hope and prayers to all of you

FutureMrsWright2012

Updates:  Ended up posting in separate thread, since it got a little long. Reader's Digest version - possibly starting IVF cycle next month.

QOTW: I think today I'm most insecure about the fact that I can't getting fucking pregnant without major intervention (and even then it's still a crap shoot as to whether or not it will work)… Ordinarily though, I tend to be most insecure at work that people (including sometimes myself) think I don't know what I'm doing since I'm an NP not a Dr.

FutureMrsWright2012

@brij2006 - Big Hugs to you… I completely agree about 3T FUCKING sucking. I am sure I speak for many of the other ladies, but I would love to have you stay with our group. I'm sorry that you had to have that conversation with YH, but I think its so important, as you said, for you both to be on the same page with things moving forward. I hope the next year flies by, and that you don't end up even needing an RE once you guys decide TTC again. 

@islandmonkey8 - Everything's crossed that this is it for you and your RE has timed things right! 

@sweetpotato123 - GL with your upcoming IUI!!!!

@ILoveRedVino - Sorry the adoption agencies are being so difficult. FX that #5 works out or with whatever you decide with IVF.

@poppies717 - I am so sorry that you and YH are going through this. I do think your shoes are super cute though, and I'm glad it at least brought you guys some happiness in this shitty situation. 

brij2006

Thank to everyone for the support.

Also, so many hugs to all of you.  Sounds like this has been quite the week for everyone.

nfp147

FutureMrsWright2012 said:

Updates:  Ended up posting in separate thread, since it got a little long. Reader's Digest version - possibly starting IVF cycle next month.

QOTW: I think today I'm most insecure about the fact that I can't getting fucking pregnant without major intervention (and even then it's still a crap shoot as to whether or not it will work)… Ordinarily though, I tend to be most insecure at work that people (including sometimes myself) think I don't know what I'm doing since I'm an NP not a Dr.

For what it's worth, I am always more than happy to see a NP rather than a doctor at my clinic. I feel like NPs are just as knowledgeable as doctors and generally less rushed and more pleasant to work with!

Aimothy

Late to the party. As usual.

My weight now starts with a 1.

I'm insecure about my weight that I carry in my hips.

abt8113

Finished Clomid yesterday. MD said everything looked good today and use opks until I get a positive.

QOTW: My body and that I'm not a good therapist. When my clients are struggling, it sometimes feels like I'm not doing my job. I try to live for the good days.

I'm posting and running today, but want y'all to know that I will read all the posts and giving support to whoever needs it. Love you all!

amandaf6383

Aimothy said:

@amandaf6383

I know that it means nothing when everyone tells you how you've got it.  They aren't the ones sitting with 70 extra pounds to lose when you just want to eat all the foodz and drink all the drinks. They aren't the ones that have to do one more fuckin thing before they can even have a chance to pay thousands of dollars to make a baby. 

It is not easy.  It sucks every day. And you are going to pig out and not care (even though you care so much) and gain back five pounds.  And there'll be guilt.  Because you've wasted so much time that you could be doing it but you don't want to do it because it's just not fuckin' fair that you don't have great metabolism. And because food. is. good. And it sucks.  Because you work your ass off day in and day out and only lose 2 lbs.  But can gain that by looking in the fridge.  

You will do it when your heart is ready to do it.  But just know that you have a strong support of girls here that can't wait to cheer on each pound lost.  Each milestone reached. 

And there's at least one girl that will help you punch all the people who try to make it seem like it's going to be an easy thing to lose 70 lbs.

I love you. You know that right?