how to really budget "together"

vlagrl29

If it were me I would totally do the 25-30 year pay off student loan plan.  I wouldn't try to be this stressed out and having no life fun because of that.  Who knows, they may do a bail out on student loans in the future and all this won't even matter.

Xstatic3333

I frequently pack a lunch and dinner. He could do salad for one, sandwich for another. Pasta/noodle salad works well too if there's no microwave. Pizza if it's ok for it to be cold. If there's a microwave at the gun shop he could heat soup or chili. I get that occasional lunches may be needed for networking purposes, but I'd cut all the others. This is hurting his goals, too.

The one thing I don't get is why he can't get his hobby fix from guns, shooting, or hunting. I learned from one of your other threads that guns cost way more than I thought, but I'm presuming he already has one. It just seems cheaper than the other options.

I also have a hobby that I consider key to my identity. I get it, I really do. But, I know and acknowledge that when we decide to have kids, it will need to go on pause. Medically, I'll be out for a year, and then it will be a much lower priority thereafter. I think your H does need to acknowledge that the baby comes first right now. Maybe he has! But, nothing you've written has expressed this. The internet can be tough to get the whole story out on, I realize.

As usual, I do agree with @hoffse about the loans (I should make "I agree with hoffse" my siggy or something). If ten years is miserable, extend it and treat it like a mortgage for now. It doesn't have to be this way. Focusing on the $45,000 chunk also seems like a good idea.

Finally, I don't say this to be mean, but I agree with PP that you have a lot of excuses. I'd reexamine your assumptions about what is necessary and what isn't when you budget. I'd also imagine what advice you'd give to another poster in your position. I know you've politely called me out on bad ideas before (which I appreciate!) I really do wish you well in finding a plan that will work for you both!

CuriousKiddosMama

hoffse said:

Oh and +1 to Vikingsfan.  I read that in exactly the same way she did. I just can't accept that the only way your H is going to be happy is if he has his toys.  I'm not saying he shouldn't have something.  But what he's asking for is unreasonable and will be something that continues to be expensive.  None of these things are one-time expenses.

Thanks. I was afraid I was coming off too strong. I'm a little sleep deprived right now so I was hoping I wasn't being too blunt.

KatieCutie05

Honestly It never really occured to me how much we spend on "food". They were just different categories - in entirely different places on the budget - groceries and then his spending and my spending and joint. i never even realized how much we were spending on just "food" because food to me was just groceries. That really does change things.   I'll move those items under the food category in our budget and rename it "lunches" instead of spending and "restaurants" instead of joint. "food" then shouldn't be more then 10% but of a 4700 income we're spending over 700 and that sounds really high to me all of a sudden. hmm.  i guess it really is all how you look at it. 

I kept just expecting him to spend less but if i'm doing the grocery shopping then i guess its in my hands more then i thought. I'll see what i can do for august to make sure i'm really getting the food he needs to take with him and just buying in bulk/on sale and couponing like i should be. 

formerlyGDaisy09

does your H ever go to the grocery store with you? my H has come with me the last few time and picked out things that he'd like to use to make his lunch...they fit in the budget, they were something he wanted to eat...so it worked out. 

CuriousKiddosMama

starter budget from Dave: http://www.daveramsey.com/tools/budget-forms/

another version of the budget with suggested %'s http://www.daveramsey.com/tools/budget-lite/

Those may help you discuss with DH for August.

brij2006

KatieCutie05 said:

Honestly It never really occured to me how much we spend on "food". They were just different categories - in entirely different places on the budget - groceries and then his spending and my spending and joint. i never even realized how much we were spending on just "food" because food to me was just groceries. That really does change things.   I'll move those items under the food category in our budget and rename it "lunches" instead of spending and "restaurants" instead of joint. "food" then shouldn't be more then 10% but of a 4700 income we're spending over 700 and that sounds really high to me all of a sudden. hmm.  i guess it really is all how you look at it. 

I kept just expecting him to spend less but if i'm doing the grocery shopping then i guess its in my hands more then i thought. I'll see what i can do for august to make sure i'm really getting the food he needs to take with him and just buying in bulk/on sale and couponing like i should be. 

We actually still keep ours in separate line items.  One for "groceries" and the other for "eating out."  It really helps, because otherwise we would spend our entire $500 grocery budget on eating out then have nothing in the fridge. 

I would definitely recommend sitting down with him and saying, "let's work together on the groceries and lunches.  Will you help me decide on some meals to plan for, then we can also do some ideas to pack for lunches and dinners for you on the road."  Brainstorm together what food items will work.  Have him go to the store with you and look around to see things he may want to have packed.  That first initial grocery trip may be more expensive than usual, but then he has in mind what things he should be bringing for lunch.  He will also then have them with him and they will be an option sitting right there.

As far as looking at the $130k and being overwhelmed.  Break it into smaller baby steps.  We tell ourselves that we're on baby step 2E right now.  We're still on baby step #2, but we're on debt letter E.  I tell myself that we're $2,300 away from being on step 2F, because there's only $2,300 left on that student loan.  It helps.  It really does.  Break it down into much smaller steps and don't think about the full amount of debt yet.  You will get there.

emily1004

als1982 said:

You're getting a lot of good advice here, and simply continue to make excuses for your bad behavior. When you perpetually make poor choices, even though they may seen small - like eating out every day for lunch/dinner - those choices are going to compound into bigger problems down the road. If you want to be financially successful you need to start making smarter decisions today. Delay your gratification, not entirely but wisely, for a better future.

What als1982 said! 

Also, your H is just gonna have to put on his "big boy pants" and get over not having a truck or a boat.

It's pretty simple.

FabulousMrs.P

He needs to cut down on the lunches and dinners out. That can save you SO much money. It is not that hard to pack a lunch or dinner. He can keep it with him and eat it whenever. Same with dinners. My husband also doesn't always know where he is going to be but he takes a packed lunch and during his busy season a packed dinner as well and only eats out one meal a week (and that comes out of his mad money.) It's not about cutting eating out all together, its about making it a special treat once a week. Pack lunches and dinners the night before so there isn't any excuse not to take breakfast, lunch, or dinner with you.

As far as budgeting...we budget it as much as we can. We put in line items that we don't use every month, but need some months. For example, we have a house expenses line item for when random stuff breaks. We don't use it every month so it just rolls over. When something comes up, we generally have enough money to cover it. And there are some times that we want to fix something, but if it isn't a priority...then we wait until we have the money to do so. (IE we have some painting to do, but we will wait until we have all the money saved up for supplies for the job.) On months where we go over in one place, we generally just cut something else. If our electric bill is a lot higher that month, then we don't go out to eat, etc. Luckily now that my DD is pretty much potty trained, we are saving a little extra on diapers that make up for when she goes through growth spurts and is eating like crazy!

Also, track every penny for a month if you haven't already. It is time consuming, but it makes all the difference. Sometimes you don't realize that all those cups of coffee out add up to a ton of money. My husband didn't think all his trips to a local convenience store (Wawa) really added up to that much...until he saw he was spending $100 there a month!

spalko

KatieCutie05 said:

So even if its going to cost us extra in gas, trading in an 11k debt for a car he hates for a 11k debt for a truck he loves is really not that bad of a trade. We just need to be able to afford the gas. 

*Stuck in Box*

I lurk a lot but I wanted to chime in about this. When my H came home from Iraq the one thing he wanted was a truck so we made it work. He purchased a 2002 Chevy truck and it is a gas guzzler! My H doesn't even drive it because it is too expensive for him to go back and forth to work with it. I drive it 42 miles to work (round trip) three days a week and we spend about $300/month just on gas for the truck! I mention this because your commutes seem comparable to mine. Also, even if your H is capable of doing his own repairs on the truck, the parts themselves are about twice as expensive compared to our car. It cost us $400 to replace the rotors and that was just for the parts!! Just something else to keep in mind that repairs like this are going to come up and they are going to be expensive! FWIW, we're currently looking at selling/trading in the truck for a more gas friendly car!