Pittsburgh Nesties
Luckystar2
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Kid help
So once again at my wits end with dd. she has always been such a challenge and I feel like when we get a little bit of a handle on things she gets worse.
I feel like we are always fighting with her to 1) do something she is supposed to do (get ready for school, bed, etc 2) be nice and respectful. 3) When she doesn't get her way or we implement discipline (no tv, time out) she has huge temper tantrums (I feel like I still have a toddler!)
But I never feel like we have any way to get her to listen to us. Consequences have never mattered to her. She is upset about it but will just make things worse in the heat of the moment. The respect/nice to us has gotten worse and worse. She says mean and hurtful things when she is angry and now she basically says the stuff we say back to us. ie you aren't being nice you need to go to your room...she will say "you go to your room" etc etc.
Break was bad at home with us. But at least for the most part she has been ok at school and after school but this week has been bad with getting in trouble both places. Same things with not doing things and being disrespectful.
Compounding things is our cat died 2 months ago and she continues to use this as an excuse for acting out. It's hard to know if this is true or IF she is using it as an excuse. I hate to put a time limit on grief but we simply can't act rude to teachers because we are sad 2 months later. Her teachers have all bent over backwards to be accommodating but at this point they are over it. She is just so overly emotional about everything!
Ugh venting and looking for advice yet again. When she was younger we did behavior/reward charts but I feel like she is so past that age! She is 6.5! I'm just so sick of this and quite frankly I don't like being around her at times which sucks! But it's miserable. I'm wondering if I should seek out a behaviorist or therapist or something at this point!
I feel like we are always fighting with her to 1) do something she is supposed to do (get ready for school, bed, etc 2) be nice and respectful. 3) When she doesn't get her way or we implement discipline (no tv, time out) she has huge temper tantrums (I feel like I still have a toddler!)
But I never feel like we have any way to get her to listen to us. Consequences have never mattered to her. She is upset about it but will just make things worse in the heat of the moment. The respect/nice to us has gotten worse and worse. She says mean and hurtful things when she is angry and now she basically says the stuff we say back to us. ie you aren't being nice you need to go to your room...she will say "you go to your room" etc etc.
Break was bad at home with us. But at least for the most part she has been ok at school and after school but this week has been bad with getting in trouble both places. Same things with not doing things and being disrespectful.
Compounding things is our cat died 2 months ago and she continues to use this as an excuse for acting out. It's hard to know if this is true or IF she is using it as an excuse. I hate to put a time limit on grief but we simply can't act rude to teachers because we are sad 2 months later. Her teachers have all bent over backwards to be accommodating but at this point they are over it. She is just so overly emotional about everything!
Ugh venting and looking for advice yet again. When she was younger we did behavior/reward charts but I feel like she is so past that age! She is 6.5! I'm just so sick of this and quite frankly I don't like being around her at times which sucks! But it's miserable. I'm wondering if I should seek out a behaviorist or therapist or something at this point!
Re: Kid help
Dd: the sky is green
Me: the sky is blue
Dd: no it's green...you are wrong. you never believe me!! Cue yelling and tears
I swear she has to disagree with everything we say and will get ticked at us if we won't admit she is right.
My dd is 5.5 and has phases like that. 'The know it all thing" is annoying.
Otherwise, I would bring it up to your pediatrician, even if you are in a good phase at that time. They could definitely help, whether it's making suggestions, providing additional resources, or determining if a behaviorist would help.
Jake - 1.15.08
Liam - 5.17.11
First off, coming back from the month of December.. there is definitely a transition period! December is ROUGH all around! Now that week one is doen, you should see improvement with being back on schedule, etc.
As for the always being right - my oldest went through that, too. I asked him why he always had to argue with me... he said he just likes being right. So, we talked about that. In addition, I stopped arguing with him - some of it, I think, was that it was for attention. Now he's been doing the "correct Conall and tell Conall what to do" phase - even if it's 1 second after I admoish Conall! So, we're working on the "I'm the parent, and unless I'm not around and Conall is about to do something he's not supposed to do, leave the parenting to me."
Consistency. You HAVE to be consistent. I know how easy it is to pick my battles and I do tend to let things go. Because of that, I helped create a monster in my stubborn Conall! We're working it out now and he's realizing the consequences to his actions and he's picking up quickly.
Now I'm working on putting my foot down with Sean bc he's the toughest toddler we've had yet!
With school behavior - Conall is in a full day Pre-K 4 at our school. Now, as a Catholic school, they tend to be very structured - to the point of silent lunches (their argument is that the kids don't eat well if they are allowed to talk). This is TOUGH for Conall bc the kid is a bundle of energy - when he goes, he goes at 150%. So, he was coming home with yellow days 3-4x a week. With this, we pick our battles. We are more lenient if he ended up talking during lunch; another day, after 2 days of rain and not going outside for recess, he got in trouble for climbing the bathroom door. He can't help himself - he's 4.5. However, interrupting the teacher or circle time or Mass - those are huge wrongs and he loses priveleges. We started implementing a reward for the end of the week if he is good all week - like, Dad will take you to the air show, or we'll go see a movie, etc. He started trying really hard on those weeks that we had something planned.
If your DD is motivated by TV, than definitely try the one show. It will help her slow down and think about her actions. I was very motivated by TV as a kid, due to the rule in our house (through high school, even) of no tv Mon-Thurs. and I would do anything to be able to watch even a half hour of Jeopardy. lol
If, after a couple of weeks, the situation doesn't get better, than you should go talk with a behavioral therapist. We took Gavin to one when he was 4 bc of the rage he had. The ped recommended it and really felt that, bc he was a bigger kid, people treated him older than he was and his maturity level just needed to catch up. A few sessions with the therapist seemed to help calm him. We also think that the daycre he was at at the time was just a really bad fit for him. So the combination of the daycare, the therapist, and a med we had him on for 3 months, worked well and he got through it.
Good luck - it's hard being a parent and trying to find what works for you and your child. I feel like I live in a 3-ring circus most days!
My three sons!
I'm going to give it a little time since like Clare said December is so tough!! We need back in routine for sure and will implement a reward system. I'm also going to look into the food dyes and see where that goes. If things keep up I am going to talk to pedi.
Now after school she has been having a little more problems but honestly that seemed to have started after our cat died. So I don't know if some of this is really tied back to that.
It is easy to be in denial, or view things as "normal", but it is really no loss to at least get an evaluation. If you get an evaluation, and additional therapy isn't needed, then great. But if you get an evaluation, and additional therapy is needed...isn't it better for everyone to know sooner than later?
When Garrett was an infant, I suspected he had torticollis, nobody else really saw it or told me to wait it out. I brought it up to our Pedi anyway - we were able to get him in to PT early enough that he was able to avoid helmet therapy. Had I waited, he would have required more PT and helmet therapy.
When Garrett started talking, I was concerned about his speech development. So many people kept telling me it was "normal" and he was too young for me to be concerned about his speech, etc. etc. I brought it up to our Pedi anyway, got him into speech therapy, and even though he still has a bit of a delay, he has progressed tremendously. I don't even want to hink about where we'd be had we put off therapy like so many people recommended.
I guess my point is that I am a huge proponent of addressing things ASAP, because delaying it doesn't benefit anyone, even if there isn't an issue.
Which also leads me to wonder if we have more issues in winter than spring/summer (which is when her well visits are). Maybe there are some correlations there we need to address too.
We are dealing with a lot of the same stuff - except DD is perfectly behaved (for the most part) at school. The mouthiness/backtalk is out of control at times - and she ALWAYS argues with us about things (just like your sky is blue reference.) I blame some of it on the kids she's around in school/daycare. Some of the things that come out of her mouth is stuff that she hasn't ever heard us say or phrases/terminology that we don't use.
I also think a lot of this is perfectly normal, age appropriate (though unwelcome) behavior.
Our ped gave us the referral to the behavioral specialist. I didn't even know that existed for kids!
And yes, seasons can definitely cause an issue. It has been so cold and wet here - the kids are stir crazy from being cooped up inside. They practically beg to go grocery shopping with me just to get out! At least, as adults, we can leave the house when we feel the need to.
My three sons!
Dd knows we mean business and will follow through with punishments but she just does not care in the moment or just cant stop herself. I've talked to her before about this after a big tantrum and she admits that she knows we will do what we say but says she just can't stop herself.
Todd is in a rough patch at the moment. I think it is a combo of the return to routine post-holiday and being 5 1/2 and being tired as he adjusts to Kindergarten. I think he also has a harder time than Heather when he doesn't get enough physical activity, which is definitely tougher in the winter. I think when his behavior is at its worst it is because he is having trouble controlling himself and can't do what he knows he should. Walking away often helps the most so he can collect himself and "snap out of it."
It sounds like he "recovers" from tantrums and defiance faster than E, so I would concur with others about getting professional advice. Hugs and good luck!