Combining Finances

quirkywife2015

Hi, there! I would love some input. My husband and I got married in our late 30s, and it's been tricky trying to combine everything when we're both so used to being on our own. I was just wondering how some of you other newlyweds combined your incomes? Right now we have our own individual checking accounts and then one joint account for household things, but I am getting ready to go down to a part-time job and so my personal income will be significantly less than his. I'm just wondering how others have handled this. He's perfectly happy to support me, but I feel weird asking him for an "allowance." Would a single joint account make more sense in our situation? We both like our autonomy, but it seems superfluous right now. 

AprilZ81

We eased into joint finances when we moved in together (into a house I owned) and we split joint expenses 50/50.  We opened a joint account at that time.

After we married (I was 32 he was 35) we completely merged finances including "fun money" for each of us.  Even when I was working full time DH made almost twice as much as I did and we decided on the budget together.

I've been out of work since March so our income is drastically reduced but we still have a joint budget and DH is effectively "supporting" me while I job hunt.  I do feel guilty about it, but this is out of my hands.

As long as you are both reasonable about your budget I vote that you each get a fun money "allowance" and don't stress about it.

Very few marriages are 50/50 on income/debt and I rarely think that completely separate finances are worth the additional stress and "keeping score" that tends to happen.  Couples should be a team and support each other as needed.

jtmh2012

We stopped thinking of it as "his money" and "her money" as soon as we got married.  It is now all "our money".  We have one checking account that all the paychecks get dropped in and all of our bills are paid from that one account.  Anything left over gets transferred into a combination emergency fund/IRA savings account.  Both of us tend to be "savers", so we've never worried about giving each other a budget or having to worry about fun money.

blondie42107

We kept our previous bank accounts (checking and savings) and added each other to the accounts. We chose one to be our primary and have our direct deposit set up for payroll. We consider money to be joint regardless of who makes more. We decide on the budget together.

Personally, things got so much easier after we joined accounts. We lived with each other about six months prior to getting married. It was nice not having to split bills, figure out who's paying what, etc.

Good luck on whatever you decide.

hoffse

I agree things are a lot easier joint.  Not going to lie, it took some time for us to think about it as "our" money because H was still in law school when we got married, and I had been out in practice for a year at that point.  So we had a weird first year where we used his law loans to pay tuition/books, but I did what I could to pay two rents, two sets of groceries, H's car loan, etc (he was in school in a different state).

Once he graduated and moved in with me (and we eliminated that extra rent payment!) things felt a lot more normal, even though we were still single-income while he was studying for the bar.

At this point we are dual income, but H's school loans are much higher than mine.  I don't really think about it though except for when it comes up on this board.  We have a joint budget which we base on our total incoming funds.  Honestly, we don't really even have "fun" money or "judgment free" money individually because we just haven't ever made a point to do it.  A lot of couples do that though and really like it.

I think you'll find that once you set a joint budget you'll stop dwelling on who brings in what percentage of it.  Our budget incorporates things that are truly shared - like housing - and also things that one person does more of than the other - like dry cleaning or eating out.  We really don't track who is doing more of that kind of spending unless it starts to get out of hand and needs to be reigned in.

JoanE2012

We opened a joint savings and joint checking, but we still each have our own accounts.  DH pays the mortgage, most of the bills and saves a bit.  I do most of the saving and pay a couple of bills.  It works for us, so we're not inclined to change.  You could have a joint account and still maintain individual - I think you need to sit down and decide what would work best for you guys.

vlagrl29

It was pretty easy for us to get everything joint as soon as we got married.  Everything is joint except both of our business accounts and retirement.  We actually opened a joint checking account just shortly before our wedding day.  We both banked at the same bank so that made it easy.  We did at one point each have a separate checking account for fun money, but since having a baby there really isn't much need for our "fun" $$ anymore.  lots of things we do now for fun are as a family which is taken out of the joint account.

bmo88

We only have a joint savings account. Our checking accounts are separate. We have been together for 12 years, living together for 7 and married for 2 years. 

The only reason we don't have joint is because we can't agree on who will switch banks. We are both loyal to our current banks, lol. We treat all money as "our" money though. 

I make 2/3 of our income and pay most bills, including a portion of DH's loans. But we don't keep tabs. We make sure all bills get paid and that we contribute a set amount each month toward savings. We don't track individual "fun" money, but we consult each other if we are going to spend more than $50-$100 on an atypical purchase. 

It has worked well for us for a long time, so we probably won't change soon. We don't argue about finances and communicate way better about money than some of our friends who have joint accounts. I think couples should just do what works best for them.

Xstatic3333

bmo88 said:

We only have a joint savings account. Our checking accounts are separate. We have been together for 12 years, living together for 7 and married for 2 years.

The only reason we don't have joint is because we can't agree on who will switch banks. We are both loyal to our current banks, lol. We treat all money as "our" money though.

I make 2/3 of our income and pay most bills, including a portion of DH's loans. But we don't keep tabs. We make sure all bills get paid and that we contribute a set amount each month toward savings. We don't track individual "fun" money, but we consult each other if we are going to spend more than $50-$100 on an atypical purchase.

It has worked well for us for a long time, so we probably won't change soon. We don't argue about finances and communicate way better about money than some of our friends who have joint accounts. I think couples should just do what works best for them.

This is pretty much exactly our system, though we are the rare couple whose debts and incomes are close to 50/50. It's working well for us also.

als1982

We married at 30/31.  

We opened a joint checking after we got engaged where we kept the money used to pay for our wedding and honeymoon.  After we got married, we then changed our direct deposits to that account.  

I kept my former primary checking, which is where I keep my "mad money."  H closed his but now uses Google Wallet for the same purpose.  

While we both have our checks going into the same account, we budget each check individually.  My checks go to pay the bills (mortgage, phones, utilities), food, entertainment, car gas, insurance and mad money.  H's checks are used for out monthly ROTH contributions and to aggressively pay off our student loans.  

While we make virtually the same income, H came into the relationship with significantly more student loan debt.  Since getting married - with the exception of our individual mad money - everything is shared, the good and the bad, and we view ourselves as a team.

I guess some married couples can make separate finances work, but I can personally see far more negatives than positives.

Mustard76

We have a yours, mine, and ours system. Paycheck are direct deposited into 2 primary accounts, one for rent and one for bills. Then we each get an allowance. H pays his truck loan out of his allowance and I paid my student loan out of mine. Since I paid off my SL and we're saving everything we can for our move, I have decreased my allowance contribution, but since H still gas a truck payment his has remained the same. We married at 27/29, and had each come to the relationship with money habits. This is the perfect best-of-both-worlds option for us. We never argue about money, and knowing our personalities, I'm convinced that it's because we each have a bit of autonomy.