Money Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Minimalism?
I watched the documentary this weekend. I fell asleep during part of it. I mean, cool on the guy who can fit his entire life in a suitcase, but that's not for me. Maybe I'm exactly the kind of person they talk about in the show, but I get pleasure over having things. Nothing excessive, but like, I like to have options with my clothes. I could never be one of those 30 wardrobe items type of people.
I've always been pretty good about purging though, mainly because before I came here in CO, I moved like every year so that was always a natural time to purge. I do get a bit stuck on a few things, like kitchenware/dishware. I have 5 sets of dishes, 2 of which are vintage ones that are still in boxes in the basement. Then, at Christmas MIL asked if I wanted these little dessert plates that were her grandmothers. I love the history attached to stuff like that, so I said "Sure!".
When it comes to things like clothes, I do try to be more mindful, and apply the Konmari method of "does this bring you joy". I'm not perfect, but I really do love about 80% of the things in my closet.
My mother is a hoarder BIG time. She has completely filled her 3 bedroom house, their large shed, their one car over sized garage with an attic, a metal shipping/storage container, and three campers of various sizes with crap. She refuses to get rid of anything and I find it so frustrating! I can't even go to their house anymore because it makes me so anxious.
For Christmas my dad just wanted us to come help him clean out the shed/garage in the spring which I'm all for, but my mom was pretty upset when my sister gave dad a "gift certificate" for our labor. I don't see that process going well. She got upset with my sister and I when we cleaned out their fridge while she gone and threw away condiments that were way expired and food that was old. I don't understand it, but I do think she needs professional help.
I would LOVE to be a minimalist to a point, but not as aggressive as the documentary. I don't have a problem getting rid of things that I don't use/want (unless they were gift, ugh I'm terrible about that), and I think that stems from my mom's hoarding tendencies. I watched this documentary thou and loved it! It did inspire me to get rid of crap.
Like @julieanne china is my downfall. I have 2 sets of china, 1 set of every day, and several key serving pieces in a separate holiday pattern. I also have a lot of crystal and a set of sterling flatware. That being said, I have a hutch and a butler's pantry, so there is plenty of space in our house for all of this. Everything is protected from dust, and we do use it when people come over. My china patterns can mix together, so it lets me serve 24 in a pinch (which I did for our Christmas party a couple weeks ago).
We have enough space on our bookcase for our books. We have enough space in our closet for clothes. I really don't overfill or overstuff anything, and when a space starts to feel cramped that's when I declutter.
My my mom has been purging which I'm thankful for. My inlaws moved a couple years ago and purged the house they had been living in for 30+ years. They filled two dumpsters. Unfortunately their new house is probably twice the size and knowing them, they are slowly filling it. I try to gently remind them that when they have move out or die, I'm going to be the cleaning it out
I had visions of having a large built-in china hutch to put it all in, but then when building this house, we realized there was nowhere to put one because of the open concept floor plan we have. I think when we do our basement I'm going to have large, built-in, glass front, floor to ceiling cabinets put down there, so maybe then I can display at least some of this stuff. For the stuff handed down to me, I just have no idea how I can get rid of it, I'd feel guilty.
My MIL doesn't have as much, and what she does have is not to my taste, so I really don't want it. That being said, she only had boys until the first grandbaby, which is a girl. The boys don't care about it, and MIL is not close enough to any of her daughter in laws to pass stuff down to us. I think the granddaughter is going to get stuck with most of MIL's stuff.
DH and his brother have two uncles that never married and never had children. They've already said they are leaving their massive collections of tacky art to us. I hope by the time that comes DH will be fully on the minimalist bandwagon with me hahahaha.
This is honestly a huge burden that I really don't want to be faced with when my parents pass, which is hopefully a very very long time from now because I love them dearly.
A part of me has jokingly said I would just burn the house and all the stuff. It's just a joke, but given the man hours (WEEKS) it will take for us to clean everything out it would technically be easier but also illegal and a terrible idea.
There are few things I will want to keep. My dad has an awesome Hess truck collection that my sister and I would probably separate and keep. And I would probably keep some of my moms collectibles along with some of the antique furniture. The majority of the stuff would either be donated or thrown away thou (given the amount of stuff the majority of it is not worth keeping). Big things like tools, tractor, etc. will probably be divided out based on what we need.
I told her I would keep certain pieces of jewelry, a few very valuable paintings from a single artist that H and I really like (my dad inherited them, and collectively they are worth about as much as the house), the 1 set of china I do love, and a few (very few!) sentimental knick-knacks. Otherwise, it's gone.
My mom has a lot of purging to do.
On my H's side, there isn't much... but there are a couple of very expensive watches H will fight over. There is also an entire curio cabinet of ivory that's been passed down from some great great uncle who lived in modern-day tanzania - several full tusks and probably a dozen carved half-tusks. I am way super opposed to taking ANY ivory for the obvious reasons, but H will fight me on it. We are pretty sure it was brought into the US legally, but we don't have any documents to prove it. Anyway, we can't sell it, so H wants to keep it.
My grandma moved out of her house recently and I inherited a lot of house/tool items, but also some sentimental items, and I had no problem with this. If it were junky stuff that has no use or emotional attachment, I would most definitely put my foot down. I've inherited my late grandma's china, as well as jewelry from her and her sisters. It's touching to be gifted/trusted with these items and I cherish them, but I feel like it's a big responsibility lol. My mom recently passed down some beautiful antique rings and now I should probably add them to the jewelry rider on our insurance.
This is a worry of mine but, potentially (hopefully) an unfounded one. My poor mom had to get my grandma a big storage unit because she couldn't bear to part with her 1,000+ albums. Yes, vinyl albums. And her other big collections of stuff. But, assuming my grandma predeceases my mom, I'm assuming all that stuff will "disappear" after she's passed.
My mom used to have a LOT of stuff. But then she moved out of my childhood home when she got remarried and I think she purged a lot when she moved out of it. Though I think there is another storage unit hanging out somewhere. I'm pretty sure she still has her large collection of music and cookbooks.
Unfortunately for my sister and my mom's H, a lot of that is going to fall on them. I'll take visits out to help weed through stuff, but they're the ones who live in the same area.
My mom has said not to feel as if we have to keep her sentimental things after she is gone. She has also pointed out items that may not seem valuable, but are. Not because she expects us to keep them, but because she doesn't want us to give them away not realizing their value.
I think the vast majority of it will be given away or sold. I'm sure there will be a few things I want, but probably not much. I suspect my sister feels the same way.
The only China set I know of is the one my mom and dad got when they got married. I don't even know if it is still around and I don't want or need it anyway.
That's one of the reasons I'm driving out to her in April, to spend the week going through her house with her to help her purge, and to take what I want. They're moving out here to CO but the goal is to downsize.
She DID ask me if either my brother or I wanted all the giant tubs of legos that she still has from when we were kids. My brother, being the minimalist, said no. I'm like heck yeah, I'll take those, legos are expensive and are good to have around even if we don't have kids!
To lighten the mood, funny heirloom story.
When my H and I were first talking about getting married and shopping for rings, though we weren't engaged yet, my mom offered to give me her wedding set from my dad...if I wanted it. I'd always liked it, talked it over with my H, and we went that route. We also used my dad's ring (he's passed away) in the ceremony for my H. My H didn't want a ring permanently, because he said he doesn't like rings and wouldn't wear it.
At our brunch the next day, my H commented that it would be really special to pass down my mom's wedding set to either my niece (5 at the time) or my nephew (2 at the time).
I gave him a big smile, told him that was a great idea, and added, "And NOW is the perfect time to start saving for my replacement set!" We were laughing uproariously for a few minutes on that one, lol.
With the china and items like that, I'll probably touch base with some of H's female cousins that I've gotten to know and try to find the best home for certain sentimental items that aren't a good fit for us to hold on to. I'll leave those final decisions up to H since it's his family.
One thing I'll need to figure out a plan for is that we are also going to inherit a timeshare. It will be paid for, but still. Ugh. H is already sort of in the "we might as well just use it" mindset but I don't share that view at all. The yearly maintenance fees alone make absolutely no sense.
When I went out on my own my mom took me "shopping" in grandma's basement and I got her deep fryer, crockpot, mixer, popcorn popper and maybe a couple of other appliances. She was pretty much done cooking by this time. Also some deaths of parents of friends/relatives resulted in some furniture for my house. They were happy to give it to someone they knew and I was happy to be a 20 something with free good quality furniture for my house.