Minimalism?

hoffse

Xstatic3333 said:

I worry about this a lot. MIL's family places a lot of value in material hand me downs so she's constantly talking about all the things I will "get," and not just the china. I will end up with 3 diamond engagement rings in addition to my own, for example. All are very sentimental to someone and it would be crazy hurtful to H's family to sell them, but we are likely only having one child and I'm certainly hoping he won't have to utilize all three! My mom also inherited three rings from her mom, but with three female cousins she simply gave one to each of us, with my absolute blessing. I wish H would have used it for our engagement ring but he could not be swayed from purchasing his own.  With H's family, there are many more people involved so giving them away would be quite fraught with drama. Even now, every time we visit MIL she sends me away with a (much less valuable) piece of her mom's jewelry. I don't wear a lot of jewelry and I'm so afraid of losing them all. 

With the china and items like that, I'll probably touch base with some of H's female cousins that I've gotten to know and try to find the best home for certain sentimental items that aren't a good fit for us to hold on to. I'll leave those final decisions up to H since it's his family. 

One thing I'll need to figure out a plan for is that we are also going to inherit a timeshare. It will be paid for, but still. Ugh. H is already sort of in the "we might as well just use it" mindset but I don't share that view at all. The yearly maintenance fees alone make absolutely no sense. 

Could the stones be reset into a necklace or bracelet?

Jewelry is really hard.  My grandma (passed) loved junk jewelry.  For years she would send me jewelry from her stash for every birthday, Christmas, and Valentine's day.  Very little of it was to my taste, and it was all junk jewelry so even resetting it didn't make sense.

I kept a separate box of Grandma's jewelry for nearly 30 years.  After she died, I asked my mom if it would make her feel bad to get rid of it, and thankfully my mom gave me her blessing.  I think I kept fewer than 10 pieces.

AprilZ81

hoffse said:

Not to highjack this thread, but this issue of older family members hoarding stuff and then passing it down to a younger generation is a real one - what, if anything, would you all keep?  How do you plan to handle a huge load of stuff that you don't want?

I can't think of any big items that I really want.  There are some jewelry pieces that I would like to have (we share a birthstone) from my mom and I just finished a big scrapbook for my Dad's 80th birthday that I would like.  My Mom's collection of holiday decorations are the things I have the most sentimental attachment to other than the picture albums.  

I will be the executor of the estate so I will be responsible for taking care of everything.  They live in an area where it will be hard to sell things on Craigslist or Facebook but I'm not sure there would be enough for an estate sale.  They have nice (but not heirloom) furniture pieces like an Amish built table and chairs that should sell pretty easily.  

I hope that they start getting rid of stuff as they get older so I don't have to decide what is complete junk.

Xstatic3333

That's a nice idea @hoffse. My terror of losing something always kind of paralyzes me with nice jewelry but it's a shame to just let it sit.  

mmabe

hoffse said:

Not to highjack this thread, but this issue of older family members hoarding stuff and then passing it down to a younger generation is a real one - what, if anything, would you all keep?  How do you plan to handle a huge load of stuff that you don't want?

My parents were great when the downsized two years ago.  They had lived in their house for over 40 years, so that had a lot of stuff.  My dad offered us certain things and said "if you don't want it, I'll throw it away."  My parents' china is well loved - - it has been used a lot over the last 45+ years and my dad started putting it in the dishwasher over 20 years ago.  I don't think anyone will want it!  We'll take some of the sentimental items -- jewelry, photos, etc. - - and everything else can be trashed.  

Since I have boys, I am mindful of the fact that my brothers wanted almost nothing when they moved out.  I keep thinking of that when I struggle with whether I should save preschool art projects!!

smerka

As far as my kids school stuff goes, I am limiting myself to one bin each. I kept way too much stuff from preschool, so when the kindergarten stuff came home, I weeded through the preschool stuff. I'm sure as time goes on, it will continue to get smaller. 

jtmh2012

smerka said:

As far as my kids school stuff goes, I am limiting myself to one bin each. I kept way too much stuff from preschool, so when the kindergarten stuff came home, I weeded through the preschool stuff. I'm sure as time goes on, it will continue to get smaller. 

I know in the case of my brother and I that there comes a point where you start keeping less and less stuff as they start to get older.

AprilZ81

Have you guys thought about taking pictures/scanning the school work you want to keep?  You could do a photo book of their stuff every few years and still have the memories but a lot less "stuff".

Xstatic3333

That's an awesome idea April! 

smerka

No. I barely have time to get the stuff in the bin at this point. Maybe someday

mmabe

smerka said:

No. I barely have time to get the stuff in the bin at this point. Maybe someday

This was my problem.  Pre-school inundated us with project after project and I didn't think about taking pictures when DS first started bringing his projects home.  There is also so much that I would have still had to make a decision as to what to keep.

brij2006

Xstatic3333 said:

Totally agree @als1982! I got in an interesting conversation the other day with a group of people (mostly DINKs) who claim they all could "never" live with only one bathroom. Just a generation ago one bathroom and kids sharing rooms was completely standard and people still lived full, happy lives. 

This one just makes me laugh.  So DD and #2 will share a room once #2 is sleeping through the night.  I had a friend tell me I need to watch out if #2 is a boy because some people and places can turn you into DCFS for making boy/girl children sleep together.   WTF? Seriously? They're siblings.  And um, this used to be the norm.  You'd cram 3 kids into a bedroom and it wasn't even thought twice about. 
This is seriously where I'm thankful we live in the rural area we do.  This friend is from Chicago and there yeah, I could see that possibly happening. But in our area, most likely not.  And I'm sorry, but my children will share a room.  DD's room is huge, has a walk in closet, and is the only other bedroom that has a heat duct in it.  So unless one of them doesn't want a heated room, they'll share.

LillibetteV

brij2006 said:

Xstatic3333 said:

Totally agree @als1982! I got in an interesting conversation the other day with a group of people (mostly DINKs) who claim they all could "never" live with only one bathroom. Just a generation ago one bathroom and kids sharing rooms was completely standard and people still lived full, happy lives. 

This one just makes me laugh.  So DD and #2 will share a room once #2 is sleeping through the night.  I had a friend tell me I need to watch out if #2 is a boy because some people and places can turn you into DCFS for making boy/girl children sleep together.   WTF? Seriously? They're siblings.  And um, this used to be the norm.  You'd cram 3 kids into a bedroom and it wasn't even thought twice about. 
This is seriously where I'm thankful we live in the rural area we do.  This friend is from Chicago and there yeah, I could see that possibly happening. But in our area, most likely not.  And I'm sorry, but my children will share a room.  DD's room is huge, has a walk in closet, and is the only other bedroom that has a heat duct in it.  So unless one of them doesn't want a heated room, they'll share.

When we were little my sister and I actually WANTED to share. My parents were wondering why they bothered to build a huge house when all we wanted was to cuddle up in one twin bed together lol. We have plenty of bedrooms in our house but our kids will likely share until they ask for separate spaces - it buys us more time to finish the 3rd floor renovation  

julieanne912

Um yeah, my brother and I shared a room for awhile when we were little... like I was around 3-4 and he was around 5-6?  We had bunk beds and thought they were awesome.  Once kids get a bit older (like 8+) I think it'd be a bit odd for a boy and a girl to share a room, but when they're little?  Who cares? 

short+sassy

brij2006 said:

Xstatic3333 said:

Totally agree @als1982! I got in an interesting conversation the other day with a group of people (mostly DINKs) who claim they all could "never" live with only one bathroom. Just a generation ago one bathroom and kids sharing rooms was completely standard and people still lived full, happy lives. 

This one just makes me laugh.  So DD and #2 will share a room once #2 is sleeping through the night.  I had a friend tell me I need to watch out if #2 is a boy because some people and places can turn you into DCFS for making boy/girl children sleep together.   WTF? Seriously? They're siblings.  And um, this used to be the norm.  You'd cram 3 kids into a bedroom and it wasn't even thought twice about. 
This is seriously where I'm thankful we live in the rural area we do.  This friend is from Chicago and there yeah, I could see that possibly happening. But in our area, most likely not.  And I'm sorry, but my children will share a room.  DD's room is huge, has a walk in closet, and is the only other bedroom that has a heat duct in it.  So unless one of them doesn't want a heated room, they'll share.

Count me in thinking that is ridiculous.

With that said, because some of my tenants are on housing assistance (Section 8), I am fairly familiar with that program.  In that program, no more than two children can share a bedroom and opposite sexes have to have their own room.

I actually like that those rules are in place.  I think it benefits the tenant, because they are given "number of bedrooms" vouchers that are appropriate for their family size.  And it is also good for me, the landlady.  Because I can legally turn a tenant down if there are too many children for the unit I have available.  Overcrowded=Damages.

Most cities, including mine, also have general rules for residential occupancies.  That is usually no more than two people (including children) per room also, but I don't think gender matters.  There's also additional guidelines about the number of "unrelated people" per bedrooms available, but I don't know it offhand.  I rarely come across "roommate" situations for where my units are located.  As a land lady, I can't discriminate against someone due to family size.  BUT, if the number of people they want to move in...kids included...exceeds the occupancy guidelines, I can (and should) say no. 

For a 4-bed unit we previously had available, my H gave me an application and said, "Oh, you have to see this."  I was confused.  It looked normal to me and I said, "It is a single mom with 4 kids?  I don't find that too surprising."  He replied, "Turn it over."  On the back of the application there were FOUR more kids listed!!!  OMG.  Single mom, aged 28.  Eight kids.  Just unreal.

I really try hard not to judge people's personal choices.  But I judged that HARD.  Sorry, but, if you and your family are 100% being supported by government assistance programs...don't have a 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, or 8th child.  Fortunately, we had an application in first for a much better applicant, so I didn't even have to get into it. 

jtmh2012

My brother and I fought like cats and dogs.  No way sharing would have ever worked for us.  Currently, we only have one kid.  Not sure about a second at this point, but we have bedrooms to spare.....

labro

brij2006 said:

Xstatic3333 said:

Totally agree @als1982! I got in an interesting conversation the other day with a group of people (mostly DINKs) who claim they all could "never" live with only one bathroom. Just a generation ago one bathroom and kids sharing rooms was completely standard and people still lived full, happy lives. 

This one just makes me laugh.  So DD and #2 will share a room once #2 is sleeping through the night.  I had a friend tell me I need to watch out if #2 is a boy because some people and places can turn you into DCFS for making boy/girl children sleep together.   WTF? Seriously? They're siblings.  And um, this used to be the norm.  You'd cram 3 kids into a bedroom and it wasn't even thought twice about. 
This is seriously where I'm thankful we live in the rural area we do.  This friend is from Chicago and there yeah, I could see that possibly happening. But in our area, most likely not.  And I'm sorry, but my children will share a room.  DD's room is huge, has a walk in closet, and is the only other bedroom that has a heat duct in it.  So unless one of them doesn't want a heated room, they'll share.

Ugh, that must be really frustrating! While I can see the value in a rule like that, my SILs two kids (girl and a boy) share a room. They are 8 and 6 right now, but they live in a 2 bedroom house...so what are they supposed to do? Set up a cot in the living room for one of the kids? As it stands, they plan to move in the next year into a larger house because the two bedroom situation was great when the kids were little but it's definitely going to be past that point soon.

jtmh2012 said:

My brother and I fought like cats and dogs.  No way sharing would have ever worked for us.  Currently, we only have one kid.  Not sure about a second at this point, but we have bedrooms to spare.....

This was totally my sisters. They had to share a room though until we were finally in a house big enough that everyone got their own room. I think at one point when they were still sharing, one of them went and got masking tape and taped off "her" half of the room. Didn't do much to stop the fighting though...they didn't really get along until my middle sister moved out for college.

csuave

Now this thread is making me think of TV shows. 

The tape down the middle of the room happened on the Brady Bunch and on Blackish the two youngest kids, Jack and Diane (M/F twins) share a room.  They actually had an episode where the twins decided to not share a room anymore and by the end of the episode they were back together sharing a room and their special twin bond.

cbee817

We have 4 bedrooms, but it's 2 up, 2 down. Our girls share the biggest bedroom in the house- they have a walk in closet and tons of space. They love sharing right now, if it gets bad (when they're teens) we'll move them down into the 2 small bedrooms (currently an office and guest room/sewing space). I'm hoping it doesn't come to that, but it's an option if we need it. 

jtmh2012

csuave said:

Now this thread is making me think of TV shows. 

The tape down the middle of the room happened on the Brady Bunch and on Blackish the two youngest kids, Jack and Diane (M/F twins) share a room.  They actually had an episode where the twins decided to not share a room anymore and by the end of the episode they were back together sharing a room and their special twin bond.

Full House did similar....

Xstatic3333

I see zero issue with opposite sex siblings sharing a room before puberty. Is there something I'm missing about why that would be a problem? They're siblings. My only experience so far is babysitting, but I've been instructed to give boy/girl sibs baths together (aged 6 and under) and have had some share rooms. If we have two, they'll also need to share for a while. 

brij2006

Xstatic3333 said:

I see zero issue with opposite sex siblings sharing a room before puberty. Is there something I'm missing about why that would be a problem? They're siblings. My only experience so far is babysitting, but I've been instructed to give boy/girl sibs baths together (aged 6 and under) and have had some share rooms. If we have two, they'll also need to share for a while. 

I believe it has a lot to do with how common blended families are now.  Making step-siblings share rooms when they aren't technically blood related at all.

Maybe I'm naïve, but the way I look at it is what may be norm for some is not norm for others.  We grew up with only 1 bathroom.  It wasn't uncommon for my brother to be in the shower and me to brush my teeth and do my hair in the morning.  We didn't know any different. That was the "norm" for our family.   Our kids likely won't know any different about sharing a room until they start school.  But once they do want to have their own room then we'll discuss their options and go from there.  One of them would be moving into a bedroom that has a teeny tiny closet and no heat or a/c.  So it's an option, but not a fun one.

Xstatic3333

@brij2006 I definitely agree that step siblings is a different story, unless they grew up together from a very young age perhaps. If they started living together at 8 or 9, opposite sex room sharing feels far less appropriate to me.