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I have sat back and kept quiet...
BUT then this was brought to my attention...
http://talk.theknot.com/boards/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=56332521&forumid=128
I was ready to give you girls the benefit of the doubt and come back once the dust settled but this is just too much for me...I know this is old but i never saw it until someone forwarded it to me tonight..I had seen some of the other confessions about Kelly and about how some of you never realized how ugly some people's babies were til you came here..i always stayed out of it b/c it didn't pertain to me...but this time it is about me and i feel the need to address it
Lily- If only you had to walk in the shoes of some of the people you so quickly pass judgement on...I hope you never have to know the pain of lossing 2 babies back to back...I intend to fight m/c and infertiltiy until i am victorious...i am sorry if that seems so wrong to you...
This board used to be such a supportive and caring place...Unfortunately, it doesn't feel the same to me any more and i will not be returning
Take care everyone!
Re: I have sat back and kept quiet...
wow! and this doesnt make you a pathetic excuse for of a woman?
i am sorry but you cant just say these things right back and remain innocent.
Those are CONFESSIONS that are supposed to be flame free. People can have opinions. If your skin is really so thin that the way someone feels upsets you, then I really don't know what to say. Obviously you were really hurt by those things, but that all happened about 4 months ago!!!! GET OVER IT! Let it go already! Water under the bridge. Personally, I have more things to worry about than what other people think. Posting the link really wasn't the best thing to do if we're trying to say that we're going to 'work things out'.
I understand that having m/c and TTTC is something that is tremendously hard to go through and believe me, we all are hurting with you. When those confessions were made we had all just gotten married and weren't on the kids bandwagon yet. Alot of us still aren't and that's why we were reluctant to come over here because it seemed like that was just about all you talked about. This board is for married ladies (and even brides to be) to talk about life. That does include kids/babies, but it also should include topics for those of us that aren't TTC.
***Blushing you need to shut up. Lily is a much better friend than you could ever be. Don't be jealous because she actually has friends that want to spend time with her.
I know someone is bound to say that "It's the internet. ?We can write whatever we want." ?No one will disagree with you about that. ?The point is, I think some of you find too much amusement in putting other people down. ?It's very sad and a big part of why so many people say this board is different now.
Izzy - Yes that was said months ago, but it shouldn't have been said at all. ?So you all aren't interested in the topics on this board, big deal. ?Can you not click *new post* and talk about something else?
Also... flame free confessions my a$$. ?This board hasn't been flame free in quite some time.
Consider this a GBCSJN.?
Cyndi, don't go!
No, people can't post whatever they want and that's why JD was banned. I appologized yesterday for letting my posts get out of hand and I don't know what else can be said.
I said that I wasn't interested in the topics on this board. Wasn't as in past tense. That's why we all came over at the same time. I know how to make a new post, but the problem is that only select people respond, which just fuels the 'us' and 'them' mentality.
How enlightening.
This happens all the time, just ?we haven't had it here yet.
?
Look, these girls just sound really, really young and insensitive. And that Lilly.......I can just tell she is completely out of touch and clueless just from the things she said on here. ?The rest of the stuff is just perceptions. I wanted kids before I was even married but it was just the place I was in life.
And the comment about ppl wanting kids who can barely take care of themselves? How can we deny there have been some posts here that would make ppl think this.?
I would not leave over that. Its easy for them to judge you- you are a stranger to them. Try not to take it personally. ?
I'm not going to get all caught up in this... but I do have to say I have been apart of this board for a long time now and I'm not married yet. Obviously I'm not in the TTC mind frame yet but have never found this board to be overwhelming with TTC talk. The girls on here have always been very supportive and welcoming. Since I'm obviously not TTC it's not my place to sit there and judge those who are because I have no idea what they're going through. Hasn't anyone ever heard, "if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all"?? YES YES I know we should all have our own opinions... but there is NO excuse to express them in a way that you KNOW will hurt others... we would never do that IRL. Furthermore you can sit there and say well "it's just the internet" But as you know many knotties know each other IRL and many nesties know each other IRL. You mean to tell me that if your fellow knottie had something to say that you didn't agree with that you would say something you know would hurt them??? NO because you KNOW that person and would never say something like that IRL. But I guess since non of you know any of the nesties it makes it OK?? Makes complete sense!!! GBCN!!!
Wow. I never saw that on the SJK back in Sept. I just read that whole thread four times.
Let me say this... in defense of ME, I was not a poster on that thread. Never even read/saw it til now.
In defense of others.... not everyone who posted on that thread said something insensitive.
Though I have not been here long, I have never seen anyone over here on the SJN not be supportive or caring. Yes, things were said on that thread 'behind your backs' but nobody has not been supportive here.
In regard to internet forums... People posting their opinions on that thread (or any other, for that matter) about other people is no different that people who talk about the woman who just had 8 babies. Or who talk about Jon & Kate + 8. The only difference is that people on TK/TN are more 'close' in proximity with a higher chance of the seeing the posts. Bottom line: everyone has an opinion and people's personal situations are ultimately none of our business. You can choose to talk positively or negatively and it is what it is. If you do either, you are putting your own personalities 'out there'.
Jinswifey -- I am sad you won't be returning. I've just started to get to know the personalities on this board and you are so much fun. I am also sad you won't be posting anymore recipes. I wish you weren't going away. I'm sorry you don't feel the love from people here on the board.
Suggesstion... I'm not sure if TN works the way TK does where you can block all of a particular UserID's posts so you never can see them. If you don't like someone, ignore them or set them to ignore.
Opinions change, people change, blah blah blah and so on and so forth. Maybe I should write a song...
Blushing you need to shut up. Lily is a much better friend than you could ever be. Don't be jealous because she actually has friends that want to spend time with her.
Are you serious? You know what I do when I want to talk to a friend? I CALL THEM ON THE PHONE! If Lily was a friend why spend your day chatting with her here? Why not just call her? You post asking her how her trip was. A REAL friend would call and ask. Really did Lily make up a poll about what day to do a get together? That's so stupid. If I want to go out with my girlfriends I'll call them and say let's go out. Not make a poll on what day would be better. Let's be clear about this. All this board does is provide an escape from the reality of work. There is some good advice but really it's nothing more than a chat room. My new saying. Friends don't let friends go on the knot.
Wow! It's pretty sad that things have come this far. I have stayed out of the drama as none of it pertained to me.
I think some of this was spurred on by Mo's post earlier in the week. While I can't speak directly for her, but as someone who knows her well, I can say that she did not mean it to come across as snarky or to make anyone feel unwelcome (words on a board can be taken as read or out of context and it's happened a million and one times). We always took pride in the fact that we were welcoming and had only the very rare episode of drama.
I think what Mo meant was that we're all adjusting to being on the same board. A lot of us are TTC/pg/moms, etc, but we're also in our 30's and/or have been married more than 6 months. There's nothing wrong with you not being in that frame of mind yet. We're just at different stages of our married (and a few non-married) lives. When I joined the board, I was nowhere near being ready. I ignored those posts or read them and filed away little bits of info that I might need later. Before the Knottie migration, we all knew who was and who wasn't TTC and we respected each other's decisions.
You mention that a lot of the Knotties know each other IRL, so do a lot of us Nesties and when you post so much with the same people, you feel a sense of comraderie even with those we don't "know IRL". Ultimately, I think that the link above (and I haven't read it--don't want to) feels like a betrayal to girls who have poured their hearts out to their "real" friends and (perhaps naively) to others they considered friends.
I'm sorry that you feel like we can't relate or you're not interested in our topics. We won't post them on your board anymore. I'll miss posting here, but the drama has become too much for me. Best of luck to everyone!
Seriously!! What SN are you trying to hide?? You have 2 POSTs and joined like a week ago!! Who cares what you say!
I think I know who blushingBS is...
Really, if you're so concerned about Lily why don't you call her? I know you have her number.
Ugh, I thought things were finally starting to settle. I'm generally a very non-confrontational person but I have to speak up too. I was never involved or even lurked on the SJ knot board so that was my first time reading that post. Alot of what was said was IMHO harmless. It was just a bunch of girls have a flamefree post...with that said the comment about Jin's wifey was crossing the line. That was before we all "knew" each other though. You need to be careful about what you post on these boards because you never know who is going to go back and find it.
Although I'm not TTC yet, I've learned alot from the women posting on here. I guess I was clueless about TTC since I assumed it was a no-brainer for most people. I can't believe how wrong (stupid) I was. I was looking forward to the support of you girls when I was ready but also to be happy for you right now when you get BFPs and have adorable little babies! So I hope you all stay but if you don't, thank you!
You are not a regular poster on either SJK or PhilyK boards. Nobody on either board knows you or who you are. Sure you may have been lurking all this time, but if Lily irked you so terribly then why did you not post back then since you claim to have been around for over a year? Why now.
For all we know, YOU could be JD. You say there's stupid drama over there? Then why get involved in the drama over here??
Thanks blushing bride...I really did think you were a troll...
I found the best advice during my planning on the Oct 08 board since we were all going through the same thing at the same time. The local boards were too crazy for me! GL!
I agree. I have learned quite a bit myself. As I said before, we're all hurting when you have setbacks but we're also really happy for you when good things happen. We're not monsters. I usually don't go into the TTC posts on here, but I do check the 2 lines in '09 just to see how everyone's doing.
Wow...
Ok, as one of the newbs who is TTC I can see both angles that are being played out here.
From the TTC angle, this board has been great for letting me vent my frustrations and the moms and other TC ladies have been wonderful in answering my questions. IRL, it can be tough to talk about not being pregant yet without sounding like a total Debbie Downer. This forum has allowed me to get it all out without sounding like a crazy (or so I hope).
From the newb angle, yes we did all come over at once. Yes, we are all younger than the regulars and are at a different stage in our lives. Yes, we may not understand some of the life situations that the regulars are going thru... But for the most part, most of us have been very supportive and understanding. We have learned a lot from the regulars!
While some lines may have been crossed I sincerly believe that no one here would intentionally hurt another SJNestie. Its just so easy to misinterrpret things that are typed on a message board...
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Confessions have not been flame free for quite awhile. That whole string came off of the "flame free confession" where I had said I was sick of not having any money (ya know back in September, while I was waiting for my first paycheck of the academic year, that WEEK or so that money was really tight) etc.. and that turned into this image of me living on the streets in a cardboard box begging for handouts while DH and were TTC. The next thing ya know there was this 70 some long post attacking me for TTC and not realizing that babies cost money. So dont tell me about FLAME FREE confessions.
Dont you DARE say that you are hurting with Jin'swifey. If you were why arent you apalled at what YOUR FRIEND said! Why werent you appaled back then!
I have to say one of the reasons I loved the nest was because I did start TTC and even though Cyndi had been through hell and back with her TTC journey, she still openly gave advice, shared what she had learned and did it all with heart.
As far as it being old, yes it is all old, but you girls are all acting like these innocent little cherubs that never did anything and dont get why the big bad vets are fed up with it all. That link is just the tip of the iceburg and it was brought up because YOU wanted to clear the air. Dont ask for people to clear the air then tell them to get over it.
The point of clearing the air is getting over it. I never asked for the link to be posted. I wanted to know what was said (not who said it) and when. I never said I was a 'cherub' and I did appologize. TWICE!
I'm not going to comment on what Lily said. She is entitled to her opinion, as is everyone on the board. Please don't 'how dare you' about Cyndi. Who in their right mind hasn't been upset for her...for all of the girls on here having TTTC. I never really thought about that before and now I'm scared that I might have TTTC. Like I said before, I'm not a monster.
All I will say that I hope you all hear is I'm sorry.
I voiced my initial reactions over there so that I wouldn't step on people over here. I was a year+ married and didn't feel a connection over here because I was not and am still not in the same place as most of you.
And, whether you believe me or not and I don't blame if you don't, my confession wasn't just about people on this board in particular. I had just started looking at all of the Nest boards and some of the girls on Getting Pregnant were enigmas to me as well.
So, again, I'm sorry if it was my confession that hurt you guys. I can be the one to step back.
I wasn't going to post either about any of this but i am so shocked and hurt that someone would call someone out specifically (jinswifey) about something and someone they know nothing nor do they know anything about their situation. I know confessions are flamefree but to talk directly about someone is mean. You can talk all you want about anybody you want, but why do it on a post that could be seen by the person you are talking about. Put it in a private message and or talk about it when you see each other at a GTG. I just think it's unnecessary to say hurtful things about people - like ASchafer said, if you have nothing nice to say, just don't say it or ignore the post if it's not of interest to you.
Anyway, I know I just became a mom but I tried really hard not to always post about DS here bc I knew there were nesties that weren't at that stage..that's what the baby boards are for. But I have felt very excluded in most posts lately anyway and just haven't responded and that could be bc the post aren't about babies (I mean, I am obessed with my baby..lol) but I just feel that the nest was becoming more like personal email to friends rather than general life posts.
I'm sorry to see this board fighting bc since I didn't grow up in Jersey, I wanted to have a place to chat and potential meet other women that were like me but it just doesn't seem that way anymore.Having said that, I have met some GREAT people and I am thankful to them.