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Lets talk about Steroids
Would you be against your husband using them?
I am and it is something he really wants to do. He thinks I'm being unreasonable but I think that he builds muscle easily without them so what is the point. I could understand if he was a twig or something but with a little weight lifting he gets pretty buff already. He wants to get bigger and thinks the steroids will help him lose weight also (which has always been difficult for him, he really has to work at it).
So, how would you feel if it was your husband?
Oh, and I should say that we are TTC so I am worried about his sperm as well but he has given up on the TTC since we have been trying for almost 3 years with nothing.
Re: Lets talk about Steroids
?I would be against my DH taking steroids. ?I would be worried for him and his health and well being. ?From what I know about steroids and it isn't a ton, they can really change your personality as well as have ill effects on you physically. ?For example, it can affect sperm as you mentioned.
?Also it sounds like you guys might be on different pages about TTC - he has given up but you haven't. ?Maybe that is why he is thinking about steroids b/c he has given up TTC? ?Anyway, I know you didn't ask for advice about that so I don't want to overstep or anything.
I know it can be tough when a couple disagrees on something but this sounds like it could be harmful to him and that would worry me as a wife.?
??
Absolutely, positively against it. There's no physical reason he needs to take them, so it's just vanity and the easy way out for him. Does he know the health risks of steroids? And "roid rage"? Plus what long term effects will it have on his body?
If my husband pursued steroids, I would consider it the same as an illegal drug and that would be a deal breaker for me.
If nothing else, can you point out that it will shrink his penis?
Unfortunately it isn't mud. I so wish it was. I feel like I'm lost.
I have brought all of these things up to him. His cousin has used steroids for years and he is a whack job because of them. I pointed out the fact that he punched out his ex-girlfriends windshield because of roid rage and he countered "that was because she cheated on him and she was about to run him over".
He then acknowledged that steroids do cause roid rage but that he was talking about the lowest form possible that it doesn't cause the side effects that his cousin experienced.
His family has a history of heart disease. And he has a history of occasional high blood pressure.
He says that he did research on it.
There really is a lot more to the story that I really hesitate to post on here because I don't want it to be C&P all over the nest. this is a somewhat personal situation (even though I opened up part of it to public debate). But lets just say this is not exactly a hypothetical situation as I found out today. I'm not sure what to do. I love him but do I divorce him over it. I'm sad.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't buy his "excuses" about lower doses, etc; it's a slippery slope. If he has started taking them, it's less of a jump to bump up the dose once he stops getting the results he wants.
Personally, I'd nip this in the bud NOW before he gets too deeply into it. I would never let myself stay in that situation. My instinct would be to ask him to move out until you can both be on the same page on this issue. Not a divorce yet, but some time to decide if this is a deal breaker and if he's willing to choose you over the drugs. If he understands how serious you are about this, he'll give you your answer one way or the other.
He's putting his health and possibly your health at risk for the sake of vanity.
Can you introduce him to creatine powder?
He has already used all of that stuff. He used Creatine for years.
He has wanted to take steroids for as long as I've known him, 13 years. Largely because of his cousin and how big and strong he is...and one of our friends takes them every so often (that is how he got the number to his supplier). He says that he has listened to me about them for 13 years and now he just wants to try them and to stop being his mother.
I guess I have a lot of emotions about the subject. Anger, disgust, frustration, and sadness.
What a horrible situation for you to be in and I'm sorry if my MUD comment added to your hurt. My heart goes out to you. Do you think going to talk to someone would help? You said that DH said that he wants you to stop being his mother. Maybe if DH heard from medical professionals how bad steriod use is he'd realize that you aren't mothering him, just loving him? It also sounds like he's got body issues that counseling might help.
No, no offense on the Mud. Its ok, I understand.
He actually consulted a doctor. He went in under the complaint of a cold (which he does have) and he asked the doctor about the steroid (he actually brought in the bottle).
He asked if he could get aids from it (sad but true...he was talking about the bottle, not the needles which were sealed). I asked what they said about the side effects and he said "nothing....it is the safest one out there".
OK, whatever. That makes me feel better (insert sarcastic tone). I wish the doctor said something more to him about it (unless he did and my DH is just omitting that info)
I just also wanted to thank you guys for listening. I was starting to feel as though I was just being unreasonable. Of course, that is what he wants me to feel like, I'm sure.
I have two cousins who were both firemen, T and J. They were also best friends. They were into body building, and started competing. T took steroids, J didn?t. Both bulked up and were happy with their physiques. J was more successful with his body building, so T increased his dosage. T eventually started using other substances, and started having rage issues. He started abusing his wife and his children. His wife left him and he lost his job. He continued to spiral downward and since then (it?s been at least 18 years) has been in rehab over a dozen times, can?t keep a job, and is twice divorced.
Your DH needs help, steroids are not the way to get to where he wants to be.
So I'm guessing that he's already started taking them. He has a bottle already? I don't get it. Also - do you really believe him when he said that he asked the doc about an illegal drug? I don't. Another question I have is - could that be why you've been TTC for three years with no results?
You say that he's been talking about this for 13 years. You have to ask yourself if you're ok with this or if you need to go down a different road and do what is right for you and your two sons. Your DH seems to be making decisions on his own about what is good for him. You need to figure out if you're ok with those decisions or do what is right for yourself.
My DH did steroids for the first year we were together. This was quite a few years ago. DH was 21 and I was 18 at the time. I never really liked the idea, but our relationship was still pretty new and I didn't feel like I could forbid him to do it. He did a lot of research and said that he did it "the right way" so that it was "safe," and he will still say this, he doesn't really believe there's anything wrong with it.
But thankfully, he has not done it since then, and he has competed natural in some bodybuilding competitions and really has no desire to start again. Personally, I don't think it is as dangerous as people think. Most of the side effects are short-term and these can be minimized if the dosage is not too high. DH never had any personality changes or aggressiveness or any of that, but DH is not normally very aggressive, so I think that depends on the person.
That being said, any time someone takes a drug, especially one that is not regulated or legal, they are taking a risk, and I don't think the risks are worth the benefits in this case (I'm assuming your DH is not a competitive bodybuilder, nor is he a scrawny teenager, so what is his motivation?). Especially if you are TTC. You will greatly reduce your chances if he does steroids.
I don't think you should consider divorcing him over this. He is obviously having some issues with his body image or sense of masculinity (perhaps your troubles with TTC are making him feel like less of a man or something). I think you should talk with him about this with an open mind and find out why he wants to do this so badly.
My DH says the same exact thing.
He definately has body image issues. He has very poor self esteem, and that has been the case for most of his life. For the most part he has been ok partly because I give him a lot of support and attention. I try to build up his self esteem as much as I can but he gets funny and sometimes thinks that I am just "humoring" him (which I am not). I wonder about the TTC thing making him feel like less of a man also. The thing is that we conceived our second son within the first month of trying. So this new problem is weird. I wonder if I have a cyst but I have been so crazy with school and work that I haven't gotten the chance to pursue fertility testing.
When I talked to him about it he said this was always something he wanted to try. He wanted to see if it had any effect on his weightlifting or his body. Because I have been so against it he hasn't tried it up until now. He is 32 and thinks that his time for trying this new "tool" for weightlifting is almost over so its now or never.
this is supposed to be a 9 week thing and then he said that he could not honestly tell me what he would do after the 9 weeks was up (get more or forget about it). He said he wouldn't know for himself even until the time comes.
I just found out today that he did start last week. I truly believe that the TTC issues are unrelated to this...up until now at least. I know that he hasn't taken them before.
I do believe that he asked the doctor. He was terrified that he would get the bottle taken away. I do not really believe that the doctor did not warn him about the side effects though. I think the doctor advised him against it and he is ignoring that advice.
I am definately asking myself these questions. I am seriously re-examining our relationship. I thought that he wasn't going to take them but I think since he has started back at the gym, the guys there have been talking him into it.
I wish my husband acted as level headed as yours regarding this issue. My DH is definately not listening to me...at all.
Thank you for your story. This is what I am most concerned about. He is not really facing reality.
I just have to say that I don't think it's "good advice" to say that this is grounds for divorce or separation or anything along those lines (assuming there are no other serious problems).
Your DH is making a questionnable decision that may (or may not) endanger his health and and emotional stability, and therefore your family. I think it is a bad idea, but it is NOT the end of the world. He's not abusing you, he's not cheating on you, he's not gambling away your savings, or doing anything to directly hurt you. He doesn't believe that he's really at risk, so he's not likely to see this decision as something that would jeopardize your relationship. It's not a smart decision, but he doesn't realize that. You can help him try to realize why it's not a smart decision, but I don't think that leaving him is an appropriate response to this conflict.
I would equate your DH doing steroids to a woman having an eating disorder. In both cases, the person is doing something very stupid and potentially harmful in the pursuit of what they consider to be an ideal body. Would anyone advocate that a husband leave his wife because she has an eating disorder????
Kim, I'm sorry, but I think there is a big difference here. While I see what you're getting at, using steriods is using an illegal drug, which IMO creates a big difference.
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I am so sorry that you are going through this. Personally I wouldn't tolerate this kind of behavior from my DH.
Steroid use is so dangerous and if your DH won't listen to you about all the serious risks to his health, his completely ruining any chance at TTC, and terrible strain that he is putting on your relationship- then maybe he would benefit from some professional counseling. He obviously is very insecure and has some serious body issues. Given the strain this is putting on your relationship, you might also try to get him to go to couples counseling with you. I hope that you are able to talk some sense into your DH.
I would like to echo Sweetpea's idea of counseling. IMO he is putting himself, your marriage, his family, etc. at risk. I understand body image issues - trust me, I do. Steroids won't solve them or make him feel better about himself. What happens even if he "reaches his goal" or has the "perfect body?" He'll want more, right? He'll always feel the need to be bigger, stronger, etc.
Also, if he has an addictive personality, you could be faced with a lifetime of steroid abuse, not to mention the mood disorders that can stem from it.
I'd really lay it out for him. Tell him how you feel and that you feel he's putting your marriage and family in jeapordy, not to mention that he's looking past your TTC goal. Suggest both 1 on 1 counseling for him (so he can address his body image issues) and I'd also suggest marriage counseling so that you can clear the air and put your marriage first. Hopefully this will help him realize this isn't "his" decision.
Good luck to you.
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