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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Re: Lets talk about Steroids
I never said it was an okay thing to do. But I think jumping right to divorce as soon as it's discovered is a little hasty. I agree that it is a serious issue, and I don't "take it lightly," but I don't take marriage vows lightly either and I don't think they should be abandoned so quickly.
Yes, steroids are "illegal drugs," but it's not exactly the same as smoking crack, ya know? It's not physiologically addictive and not everyone has the same disastrous side effects, especially if they are not taking huge quantities. Again, I'm not trying to justify using steroids, but I'm just explaining why I wouldn't consider it the deal-breaker that using other kinds of drugs would be.
All I'm saying is that she should talk to her husband and figure out what the underlying issues are and try to resolve them before scrapping her marriage. I also think counseling is a great idea.
Perhaps I should amend my eating disorder analogy. Let's say that the woman is not only altering her eating habits but is taking an illegal fat burning drug. Would this change anything? This situation I think would be quite similar to a man taking steroids to put on muscle, but I doubt anyone would agree that if a man found out his wife was doing this, he should divorce her immediately.
Sorry, Kim, I have to disagree with you as well. Her husband now has a drug dealer. He's taking something he cannot obtain legally. Something that will cause him physical harm and possibly cause him to harm others ('roid rage). If he likes the results, it will quite likely cause him to become addicted. Maybe he'll start sharing needles when his get dull/break. He could then pass a disease to her. All for the sake of vanity.
He also lied to her about taking the drugs and probably lied about what the doctor said (I find it hard to believe any competent doctor would say it's OK to take steroids). The steroids are already covering up underlying issues and he's just started.
I would be just as against an illegal fat burning drug if it had the same type of side effects. I would expect my husband to not turn a blind eye if I was taking something dangerous. Part of our roles as partners is to look out for our spouses.
Wasn't there a pro wrestler/WWF athlete who killed his spouse and child a year or two ago because of steroids?
I wasn't advocating an instant divorce either but she needs to have him make a decision now before it gets out of control. He should respect her opinion on something that could seriously effect them both.
This is why I said it is not physiologically addictive. Anything can be psychologically addictive.
This is a slippery slope argument if I've ever heard one
I did not tell her to turn a blind eye or to accept it. I simply told her not to pack her bags this minute and run out on him.
That was not proven to be the cause. It has since been suggested that brain damage he suffered during his career led to the severe mental symptoms that caused him to commit that awful crime. In fact, according to a doctor quoted in an article about the case, "There is no consensus in the medical community that the syndrome of ' 'roid rage' even occurs."
Some men may experience roid rage, but it is not a given, necessary consequence of taking anabolic steroids. My DH never once exhibited a shred of this type of behavior.
Good, then we agree on something. I'm sorry to be so pushy on this, but I take it somewhat personally because if I had the attitude that all of you have about this issue, I would have missed out on an incredible relationship and a lot of happiness.
First of all, I am sorry you are going through this. I hope everything will work out for the best, for your DH, your family and your marriage.
So, the last time I checked, steroids is illegal and unsafe. Period. If DH came to me with the idea of taking an illegal substance, I would not only educate him on how dangerous they are but tell him that he is putting our family, our marriage and his health into jeopardy. I do that NOW because DH has picked up a smoking habit, drinks when he shouldn't and doesn't eat the proper foods he should (he has a major kidney problem and constant problems with his prostrate). If he were to tell me he wanted to put everything in jeopardy because of some "vanity" issues, I would definitely seek counseling for himself and for us. I think everyone has issues with their physical appearence and I totally understand it may be a sturggle for others, but, come on! I don't think it's immediate grounds for divorce, but will definitely cause issues in a marriage. I don't see how IT couldn't cause issues.
Also, I don't buy into the whole "if you take it moderately...". If that was true, then why are they illegal? .....hummmm......
Kim, I don't think you should be taking this so personally first of all. I don't mean to offend, I'm just saying...
Also, I think your situations are very different. You became aware of steriod use prior to marriage and TTCing/children. If you had chosen to, it would have been easier to walk away.
I am not advocating her ending her marriage on the spot, I'm suggesting that they seek counseling both as individual (him especially) and marriage to work on their issues together. While you may have had an alright experience with steroid use, many have not.
She has basically already said that steroid use is a serious issue for her, it was always something that she was against. He knew this prior to contacting a dealer and taking the drug. IMO he's going against something he knew she'd have an issue with, which can be a dealbreaker for many, many couples (especially if the situation worsens).
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Also, just to get a different perspective on how to deal with this, why not post on the health and fitness board. Maybe some of them had to deal with a similar issue. Some of those ladies on that board are extreamly helpful. Just a thought...
Good luck and I hope everything works out.
I am sorry you are having to deal with this.
If I were in your shoes I would be very upset with and concerned for DH. Not only is he taking something illegal he is potentially putting you and your children in harm's way. Not to mention the fact that he went behind your back since he knew you would be upset about it.
I think you need to talk to your DH and let him know that you can not and will not allow him to continue down this path. I agree with the pp that some individual and couple's counseling should be considered. I don't think you should up and leave immediately but I know I couldn't stay with my husband if he was doing something I was so against.
Talk to him. Let him know you want/need him to stop immediately. Hopefully for you and your children, he will listen. GL
I would be totally and completely against DH taking steroids. We have several "dealbreakers" in our relationship that are none negotiables, if one of us crosses that line, the other one is free to go. Drugs is one of them.
I hope I'm not overstepping, but as a psychologist, I need to say that it sounds like your DH is dealing with some issues that are making him feel steriods are his only option. Maybe you can suggest he talk to someone about his body image, or at the very least consult a personal trainer to get some better idea.
Good luck with this issue.
Kim2884, I think we'll have to agree to disagree.
All I'm going going to say is there's a reason steroids are illegal. If my husband was doing anything illegal I would have a big big issue with it. I would expect the same treatment from him if the roles were reversed.
And yes, I believe drugs (especially when used to cover up other issues) are a slippery slope.
Please don't take my comments personally. You chose to date your husband knowing he was taking steroids. You accepted those conditions and everything worked out well for you. Great, I'm not judging that at all. But the original poster is in a very different situation because all of this is happening AFTER they're in a very committed relationship.
I have difficult time with this. Luckily, I have nothing to worry about when it comes to H and steroids...just something he wouldn't consider.
But, for anyone considering them...I'd have to tell the sad story of my friend and her H. They were married in Sept of '06....she buried him in March of '07. He was 27 and very much into steroids, working out and bulking up He collapsed while working out and died en route to the hospital. So, for that (and many other) reasons...I would strongly advise you to really talk to your H about this and stress the importance of possible dangers associated with such actions. GL.