Sex & Romance
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Re: Need advice. DH doesn't want sex. (long)
::joins Smock in the applause for Aaron::
http://pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi#general
Thank you, Engineer.
I think in some cases seeing what a guy thinks of a certain situation can definitely be beneficial. In this case, BigRed- you are being a douche. Period. If her H is the one with the problem and OP has already tried MULTIPLE things to get him to want to have sex why should she continue to torture herself and drop her self-esteem lower for that lazy a$$? She IS shouldering the entire sexual aspect of their relationship and it's hurting HER, not him. He just wants her to fix things. Why should she? She has tried. Maybe her H needs to try something as well instead of putting it all on her. And FWIW not everyone is a 23 year old obsessed with place cards, etc on here. If you don't like it- don't post. Pretty simple.
OP- don't let your H make you feel like less of a woman and lower your self-esteem over this. From what you posted I don't really think it is you a all. It sounds like there is something with him. What? I don't know. But I would try to talk to him about it and try to get him to a therapist (a sex therapist if you can). There are bigger things here than what he is projecting to you.
Maybe he could of just been sexually attached before, that could be possibility that he is not interested like he was.
Other then sports t.v and gambling, has anything else changed in the relationship? stress..jobs..Location..friends?
The whole situation just seems weird in many ways..
So basically you have mommy issues and hang out on a predominantly female website and forum so you can just try to reaffirm that your relationship and sexual failings are because women are teh evil, not because, you know, you're fvcked in the head and probably need lots of therapy.
Good show, good show.
Are you serious???
Well, no, I don't have sexual failings, but thanks for offering that.
Anything else?
Are you serious???
Am I the only one that finds it extremely hard to believe that a "guy" like bigred would waste his time on this board engaging in useless banter with a bunch of whiny b!tches whose lives revolve around their wedding photos and table settings?
Just sayin.
Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
You have to be able to make judgments about things that aren't explicitly conveyed in posts around here. Obviously, no one can ever know all the details by reading a stranger's post on the internets.
However, I think you're trying to make a moot point here anyway. The point is that she shouldn't have to jump through hoops to get her H to have sex with her. Married couples have obligations to each other, and sexual needs represent one of the more important obligations, if only because married couples cannot (usually) go outside the marriage for sexual fulfillment. He is flippantly ignoring her needs and the excuse of "you're not doing enough" or whatever he's saying is a bunch of ***.
And I have to emphasize how hilarious it is to me that it would somehow absolve him from any wrong doing here if his wife was "nagging him about not getting nailed."
Are you serious???
I think you're right about that. Now that he know's there isn't lots of prons here, I'm confused why he keeps returning.
?
That's the point. ?You don't know. You just assume it's her fault, because it must be, she's a woman, and you hate women. ?So you come on to a forum you know to be full of women, acting like an immature little prick, and then complain that the women respond exactly how you expect them to, in a school yard, which you are obviously above, and why you are here. ?To point out how above it you are. Ummm... yea...
So... Why are you here?
Thank God!
If this was the story back then, you should have read every bit of advice you got in that thread and then rethought him. Why would you want to marry somebody who doesn't trust his future wife?
Who knows how much money he's really spending on gambling? You really have no assurance it's a buck or $5 or however much you said it was. If he's got a gambling addiction, bad news. He'll bleed you dry financially and emotionally with his addiction -- and while we are on the subject:
Safeguard your assets.
He may or may not have a gambling problem. I'd make certain that there was no way he could get his hands on my money.
That said, he owes it to you to work on this with you. If he refuses, you can make up your mind right now if you wish to stay in a sexless marriage. He's spelled it out that he's not interested in anything physical -- who knows why? could be the thrill of the chase, could be the Madonna-Whore Syndrome, could be that he has simply decided the sex department is now closed and off limits to you.
Ask yourself if you wish to be in a marriage to somebody who has already eroded your self esteem by telling you what he told you. You're only married since August -- you guys should be growing closer, not drifting apart.
Nope...I find it completely fked up. No normal man would even peek onto this website unless they have some issues...just sayin!
To the OP....it seems like you married a stranger...umm...did you not know about this little "addiction" he has to gambling before marriage? Why on earth would you marry someone who got his friends to hack into your email??? That is really messed up. You should have resolved these problems before marriage...things like this only get worse after marriage. Seems like your husband had it good before you guys got married...he didn't have to deal with the relationship throughout the week, and he got monkey sex on the weekends. You guys didn't even see the "true side" of each other till after marriage..and I guess he just wasn't ready for it or he didn't like what he saw. He needs to grow up. Marriage is not about you wearing heals and skirts all the time and being "sexy enough for him" just to please him. Marriage is a relationship and sex should be enjoyed and wanted by both partners.
Sweety, there is nothing else you can do besides therapy. You have done and tried enough it seems like. The ball is in his court, and trust me, I know from experience that there is NOTHING you can do to get him motivated to fix things. That has to come from within a person...and some people just don't possess it or think it's worth the trouble. If he's not willing to try then I say kick him to the curb. And, no, that is not something I would normally say! I don't believe in divorce, but come on...he's gotta at least try. He just seems like an arrogant jerk to me
I wouldn?t get too discouraged. Like you, my H & I dated long distance before we go married. So when we saw each other, sex was awesome! When we moved in together a year prior to getting married, our sex life took a nose dive. It was a HUGE problem and we were sure to address it in our pre-marital counseling. Sex & chemistry is a very important part of a marriage. Without it you?re kinda like buddies or roommates. It takes communication & work on both parts.
I think what your husband said to you was outright hurtful & disrespectful and he should know that. Once you guys get that out of the way, you guys need to find the road to recovery. If you can?t do that on your own, I?d suggest counseling. Losing the ?new booty? factor can take it?s toll. You guys just have to find your mojo again?but you have to do it together. Your issue is more common than you think.
Psychiatrist huh?
for a supposedly intelligent woman, you ignored all the warnings BEFORE the wedding and now you are allowing yourself to be bullied and used as a dorrmat.
Maybe you should consider another profession?
Geez. You are remarkably rude in every post I see of yours. For once can you come up with something constructive?
I know I would be scared if I had a psychiatrist who knew her H was emotionally abusive and decided to commit to him. I wouldn't trust her advice at ALL.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
This is quite amusing coming from a woman who calls her husband a slob. Hypocrite much?
Ugh. Why are you back?
*sigh*
Could we please get back to giving the OP some SOUND advice?:(
To the OP....it seems like you married a stranger...umm...did you not know about this little "addiction" he has to gambling before marriage
@Anna: you'd be surprised how an addict can hide his or her addiction. And perhaps the OP's H was fine before they got married and got addicted to gambling after that. Gambling is very seductive in its nature. Before you know it...:(
And I can't see how the OP didn't heed the advice that she got in the thread about her FI hacking into her email. She should have run for the hills when she found out he did that.
A marriage is a compromise if you must be sexy for him then he has to get off the computer and do something with that sexy. Like I tell my FI if I put the effort in then you had better appreciate it cause it doesn't magically appear. With the gambling be very careful because 1 and 5 can turn to 10 and 20 and before you know it your house payment is gone. Just compromise all the frisky can not be out of the relationship you just got married.
My husband said you need to be careful about kids in this situation.
I really hesitate to say anything in this tiff but..........I do agree it's a problem that you charged ahead and got married after you asked for advice a few months ago.
As a "shrink" one's mind can become tuned to others and become blind to one's situations.
Time to do a thorough financial investigation and cover your ASSets to protect yourself from a gambler's addiction.
Your husband is into the "peak thrill" thing instead of "steady as she goes". Which explains the gambling and wild weekend only sex.
Tarpon re-phrased and cleaned up the rude trash bigred1500 stated. As much I hate to admit it in his over the top and poorly worded rants. There is a tiny wiff of fact about how life changes when married, thrill of the chase is "gone".And the reality of bills, work, dishes,laundry, snoring,belching,passing gas, brushing teeth, practical clothing etc.