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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: confess here
I'm sorry, Ali. That sucks. But I think putting the decision off is a good idea. Either or both of you could change your mind by then and you are young enough that five years isn't such a big deal.
I just a friendly gal looking for options.
But it's probably better for the kid. At least IMO - no one will love your kid like family will (and people who make $8 or $10 an hour? Won't love them at all. Trust me.)
It's been a while since I looked into it, but I think we *could* adopt from the state. I'm just scared to death of fostering - all of that getting attached then being ripped away over and over again. And I don't know how it would work to adopt an older kid having never been a parent before. The kid would just hate us and it would all go downhill from there.
I think that there are a few international programs that we could possibly adopt through, but most don't let you adopt if one or both of you are over 40 or 45 and others ban you if either of you have certain medical conditions (like diabetes) or if either of you have mental health issues (like depression). I just couldn't get DH onboard with international and it is way too stressful of a process for me to go through alone.
I know that I would be the one doing every bit of the work. He would love to have a kid once it is here, but he doesn't want it nearly as badly as I do. He's done the kid thing already, so I can't blame him.
I just a friendly gal looking for options.
I actually used to not want children. I was hell-bent on getting a hysterectomy.
At this point, I want children very much. And that's why when people say "we don't want kids", I have a hard time believing them. There's so much to considering. If you miss out on parenting, you miss out on grand-parenting. And as you get older, life would surely be lonely without children and grandchildren.
That's just my opinion.
re: fostering - someone has to do it. I mean, I know children aren't like dogs, but with fostering the dogs I know I am doing something that is difficult that a lot of other people can't/won't do. Also, with dogs, I know I am literally saving the life of a dog. Fostering a child could get it out of a bad place into a good home, your home.
/my two cents and shutting up
Yeah, I kow. ANd I don't love ALL my students equally. ANd I may detest a few (mine aren't babies, for the record. any more. usually)
ANd, since I do 4-day-weeks, in THEORY, if MIL covers one day a week and my parents do one day a week then, if the Mr. and I get on somewhat opposing shifts (like he works tues-saturday or the like--his shifts change often right now though so we won't know w/ much notice), we're talking about only having to spring for care 1 day per week.
w/o impinging on anyone's schedule TO much.
In NC it's illegal to get a vasectomy without the consent of your spouse. I recently learned this (not from personal experience, I found out from a nurse)
There actually are 'non foster' state adoptions...kids who are available for adoption, whose parents have no rights to them and who are in the system but not to be 'fostered'.
Which is NOT to say that's easy. Many of the kids are avail. because they're hard to place (although 'special needs' does NOT mean IQ of 70, it often means 'health problems' or 'part of a sibling group' or 'wrong race to make these kids easy to place') The 'adopting a kid old enough to hate me' thing is scary, IMO. And if Mr. Zsa isn't on board then, well, it's all moot I guess.
(although if you want to break your wee little heart, this is the listing page for kids who are adoptable, w/o parental ties, in the US:
http://www.adoptuskids.org/
It's like petfinder for children. And I refuse to look today.)
So you've joined the "OMG, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T WANT KIDS!?!?" Camp?
::shun::
This is my thinking. You know going into it that a foster child will have issues. But the classes prepare you for it. No, you won't *know* exactly what it's like, and every child will be different, but anything is better than a state facility where they're one of 100 kids who all need attention, with too few people to be there for them.
I've decided (for me personally) that I'll foster at some point. I get the no-experience side of it, but it's something you want, and something they would appreciate more than you might possibly ever know. Plus, how awesome would it be to have Zsa for a mom in any form?
It's illegal here to get a vasectomy or hysterectomy without spousal consent.
And, at 32, as the train is leaving the station, I'm finding myself wanting kids, when I never really did before. That was when I was in school, dating stupid people and poor. Now, I am older, have a job (for now), and a spouse who will make an excellent father. Basically, never say never.