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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
WDYT? Parent discipline option-"Sassy Spray"
When out to lunch with a large group of ladies and kids, one women who was there had 2 young girls. Ages 8 and 3. When they are fussy, out of line, etc. she uses "Sassy Spray". It is a mixture of water, vinegar and a little paprika. She sprays it in their mouth. I didn't see her do this but she did threaten once to get it out. I burst out laughing at the idea of "Sassy Spray". I just visualized cat owners who use a water bottle to keep them off furniture and such. She does not spank and time outs do not work for her (me either). What do you think? I am still giggling at this for some reason.
Re: WDYT? Parent discipline option-"Sassy Spray"
Er, every parent is entitled to raise their child however. It's not for us though. We used a spray bottle with Spike to train him for like a week and found that kinda silly too...plus it didn't work on him. Can't imagine it would work on my kids either.
DH and I joke that we don't be the "time out" parents either:
Now Billy, I'm going to count to 85 and if you don't stop stabbing your grandmother, I'll put you in time out.
you know, Tara... I might think the same thing before I had kids. But, after having one that is extremely strong willed and highly spirited... you do what EVER you have to do to get your point across and in a restaurant when you can't just put them in a corner for a "time out" and a threat of "pops" on the backside if they don't listen... I might resort to "sassy spray" too. :-D
I haven't used that but I do threaten soap in his mouth if he either bites or he "talks back" LOUDLY ie yells at me.
parenthood is really about survival half of the time and if it works for her... then good on her!
I have never heard of "sassy spray" and I think I probably would have had a hard time keeping my mouth shut. We do spray the cats with water when they are doing something they are not supposed to be doing, I could not imagine doing that to my own child. I on the other hand DO believe in spankings (they were used on me and I never felt abused) so I guess the "sassy spray" would not be needed in my house.
On another note have you ever heard of "Monster spray"? My mom used this on my brother and me when we were kids. If one of us was scared of monsters underneath the bed or in the closet she would use a can of potpouri or hairspray to spray away the monsters. I think this is a great idea, "sassy spray" not so much.
Hmm, well I have always just had to give DD "the look" at the first sign of any sort of bad behavior and it has always worked. We started taking her to restaurants, etc. at a very early age, and it was always made pretty clear that there is a certain way to act, especially in public. I think spanking and time-outs are just silly. If kids are taught the proper way to act, and if parents are consistent (and most that I see aren't) spankings and sassy sprays aren't needed.
Who knows, maybe I just got lucky. This is one of the reason I don't want to have any more children...DD is pretty much perfect, so I think mother nature is waiting to fink me over with a demon child.
We'll be using something similar, but ours is Boo Juice.
I don't recall the ages of the girls who are subjected to Sassy Spray - I think if they are in elementary school and older, they should probably know better by now. I hope I am not eating my words in 3 years.
Well, if this is weird then I guess my idea I had was out. I suggested to DH when we have a kid we paint a mural of Dante's layers of Hell on the wall, and, like the "sticker system", we move them up and down through various layers based on their behavior for the day. "Oops! You have been bad! No more purgatory for you!"
Seriously...Just kidding
If it is not harmful mentally or physically, I try not to judge any parent's system. Kids are hard, and they are all sooo different! You have to do what you have to do! My mom used to get me to read by making go out in the yard and telling me the more I read, I would be able to see the fairies outside- really freakin weird, but it worked!
The face of Kitty-Hate
Collin Thayne 10.11.2010
there is also a huge difference in boys and girls. I always said that no child of mine would behave this way or that way or blah blah blah. My niece went to restaurants from an early age and would sit and color. She would behave and eat and be nice and quiet.
My son, not so much. Maybe we are bad parents but we find restaurants hard and we have tried since he was little. But, if you give one look to your daughter... and that works. good for you. But, if you're like my son, we give him "the look" and he decides to take it one step further and say... ok... then what will you do? So... ok... what do YOU do if you don't believe in spanking or time out. Or think that those methods are silly? What does the LOOK mean? I'm going to sit here and just stare you into submission? Take you out of the situation? (well then, who wins there?) Threaten a spanking or a time out? Well then you HAVE to follow through or you're not consistent.
Each parents methods are those parents methods and if it works for them, and isn't abusing them, then who are you to deem them "silly"?
This made me LOL, Cassie.
I don't see much difference in it and washing the mouth out with soap. I bet most of us were threatened with that. My aunt used it all the time on her son (who was a holy terror) and when I saw his reaction once I swore I'd never talk back to her!! It was horrible...the sounds coming from the bathroom...
If it works, do it.
I think the boys vs. girls argument is bogus, sorry. I have seen plenty of little girls that are holy terrors, and plenty of little boys that are angels. Like pp's said, every kid is different...
I've never had to stare her into submission; that would be ridiculous. A simple raise of an eyebrow gets her attention, and I've never had to follow through with a further action. She is a very high spirited kid, too, but she definitely knows how to behave in public and she knows that I won't tolerate her pushing my buttons because ever since she was small, I have taken the time to sit with her and explain why it's important to behave. It's worked for almost 10 and a half years, so I must be doing something right.
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so what happens that you don't tolerate it?
and I guess since my son doesn't respond to my "look" that means I'm doing something wrong.
Mr. & Mrs. est. July 2007 Mama est. April 2010
I don't think I ever said you were doing anything wrong, so stop being so defensive. We obviously have two different styles of parenting. I'm pretty sure that's allowed.
um, 8 years old? no way. that is too old of a kid to be dealt with in such an immature way.
time out doesn't work, but she can get her kids to open their mouth and let her spray gross stuff in it?
i'm sorry, i know this is catty of me... but what does she do after the sassy spray? allow them to go back to all their toys and things and playing? most of our discipline revolves around taking away privileges when our children make bad choices. stuff like TV, certain toys, etc.
we have never used extra chores or "unusual" punishment methods. we do what happens in the real world when you disobey a law-- you get something taken away from you.
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it's your condescending responses that make me feel that way. and yes, those are my feelings. however you did say that you judge other parents.
nope, you must subscribe to my way of parenting! :::::dripping sarcasm:::::
However, I still want to know what happens if your daughter doesn't cow to the "look"
there has to be some kind of ramification. Do you take away her privileges? Inquiring minds want to know.
I think the difference here too is the ages. "the look" works on my 10 year old, but not my 3 year old. My 3 year old is a hellion and we are continually having to 'up' punishment with her b/c things stop working. She knows what is expected of her behavior wise (at 3, we certainly don't expect perfection... but we expect some level of compliance... sit in your seat and don't yell/be loud, etc.) but she pushes our buttons b/c that's just her personality type at this stage in her life. At each stage in a kiddo's life, different things work. *shrug*
ETA: To the original question... I don't think Sassy Spray would ever work on my kids... the 'boo juice' didn't work for K either when she wouldn't sleep in her room alone anymore. hehe But to each their own. I'm a fan of time-out and taking things away/grounding... but it works for us.
I am going to say for the record, I think sassy spray is silly. I think soap in the mouth works. (for me with a two year old).
I also think it depends on the age of the children. Sassy spray at 8 years old is taking the easy way out of parenting, should be explaining why the actions are wrong and showing the proper way to behave.
however, I do not judge a parent for their parenting methods unless it's abuse. Then I judge all I want.
I wish my "look" was as good as yours, Tara. So far, DD doesn't blink an eye when I give her the look. She does, however, respond to DH's look. I guess I need to work on mine.
Timeouts and spanking don't work on my kid either. I've had to start taking stuff away from her.
Responses are only condescending if you choose to interpret them that way...
I have had to take away her tv/wii privileges twice, both times because of grades that dropped. Sorry, that's all I've got for you. I guess if it came down to it, the same would happen for behavioral issues.
lol, at 3, if connor was misbehaving, he had to go in his room and have the door closed until he could calm down and come out and not be crying. we had some fabulous fits thrown in this house, believe you me... but they were all thrown behind his closed door. if he wouldn't go there himself, DH would usually calmly pick him up and take him to his room and place him on the floor. it was never done in anger, just very matter-of-factly.
once he even stuck his head out the door for one moment and yelled "MEANIEHEADS!" at us (we were in the kitchen)... then slammed the door. Oh my gosh, we were trying so very hard not to laugh.
when he would eventually calm down, he would come out and we would ask him to apologize. basically, we wanted to get it across to him that nobody wants to sit around and hear you throw a fit. feel free to do so if you choose, but go do so in your room and away from us. same with restaurants. if he was going to throw a fit or be loud and not behave, he got to go to the car and sit in his carseat, strapped in, with one parent in the front seat (paying no attention to him). since we also had claire, the other two of us wold finish our dinner and leave when we were done.
it wasn't easy or fun, but we think it worked.
three is just hard. so hard. i think the most important thing is to remain consistent and stand your ground when you tell/ask them to do something. if they know you will eventually give in, there's no reason for them to change their behavior. sometimes you feel like the meanest witch in the world, but they are strong and stubborn little boogers at that age.
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I have a really funny story about the soap method (and just to clarify, IMfun, I am neither judging you, deeming the method inappropriate, or saying it doesn't work for your family).
We know a couple who has a 3 year old little boy. He is a total doll for the most part, but has started back-talking them recently, so they started using the soap a few weeks ago. Now, when he smarts off, they say "Conner, it's time for the soap". His reaction is to grap his sippy cup full of juice and take his soap like a man. I think they are up to about 4 or 5 soapings a day, so obviously it's working. (enter sarcasm here)
AWESOME!
I think the sassy spray is pretty ridiculous! I teach 3 year olds and if I was to give them the sassy spray they would think I was crazy and continue doing whatever it is that they were doing. I think everyones parenting styles are different and to each their own. I was spanked and given the look. I responded to both heck I still respond when my mom gives me the look, lol. When I give my 19 month old the look he completely ignores me but, when I redirect him and take away whatever it is that he is playing with, he responds. At each stage in life there are different discipline methods that work.
I dont judge those who spank just like I dont judge those who do time out. Each child is different and each family is different in their discipline method. But, if its CLEARLY not working and the child is continuing to do whatever it is, then its time to think about a new method.
I think you just got lucky. And it's possible to be a close-to-perfect parent with just one child. With more than one, not so much.
I think you have to do what works for you. Unfortunately, I have a very strong willed child. I have 2 kids and from birth could tell that 1 one was going to be MUCH harder than the other. I acutally cried for a month when I found out I was pg (we were preventing) because I didn't think I could handle 2 kids like my #1. Thank the Lord that #2 is my "easy baby". I said we wouldn't spank or time out... Well, we do both.. Honestly, spanking is the ONLY think that really works for him. He's 2... If only a look would work. My life would be so much easier... He could care less about a look.
If it isn't doing harm to the child I see nothing wrong with it.... I don't even want to talk about eating out... we try every week... I end up taking my food home because he will not sit... even if I bring an entire toy box and treats in my purse...
Sorry Tara but I also have to say that you are one of the few and are very "lucky" (not to take aware from your parenting skills at all).
My 3.5 year old is tough sometimes. Spanking does not even make him flinch and time outs are a joke. We struggle to find what works with him. He is just a stubborn little boy just like me
What do you do? I do not think I am a bad or lazy parent. I just have a strong willed child. Same as most parents.
My 2 year old girl has been awesome. I don't know why but all I have to do is ask her if she needs to go to time out and behavior stops. I have never once had to spank her or even threaten.
Kids are just all different. That's all.
For the record...."Sassy Spray" still make me chuckle.