WDYT? Parent discipline option-"Sassy Spray"

Swayntx

bpaullo:

I think you have to do what works for you.  Unfortunately, I have a very strong willed child.  I have 2 kids and from birth could tell that 1 one was going to be MUCH harder than the other.  I acutally cried for a month when I found out I was pg (we were preventing) because I didn't think I could handle 2 kids like my #1.  Thank the Lord that #2 is my "easy baby".  I said we wouldn't spank or time out...  Well, we do both..  Honestly, spanking is the ONLY think that really works for him.  He's 2...    If only a look would work.  My life would be so much easier...  He could care less about a look.

If it isn't doing harm to the child I see nothing wrong with it....  I don't even want to talk about eating out...  we try every week... I end up taking my food home because he will not sit...  even if I bring an entire toy box and treats in my purse... 

Thank God I'm not the only one!! He will sit for about 5 minutes no matter how many toys we give him or how much food we shove in his mouth! He just doesnt like to sit!!! Overall he's a really good and well behaved kid. He's just stubborn and if he doesnt want to stop he's not going to! No matter what look or threat I give him!

I hope my #2 is different!! It makes me so nervous to have another one

IMFun

Swayntx:

Thank God I'm not the only one!! He will sit for about 5 minutes no matter how many toys we give him or how much food we shove in his mouth! He just doesnt like to sit!!! Overall he's a really good and well behaved kid. He's just stubborn and if he doesnt want to stop he's not going to! No matter what look or threat I give him!

I hope my #2 is different!! It makes me so nervous to have another one

this this this!  

mine is so well behaved he just is go go go!  he doesn't want to sit sit sit and I'm sorry but other diners are paying for their experience and I'm not going to let mine scream and ruin their dinners.  SOOOOO...  one of us walks.  

 

KKMMex

IMFun:

Swayntx:

Thank God I'm not the only one!! He will sit for about 5 minutes no matter how many toys we give him or how much food we shove in his mouth! He just doesnt like to sit!!! Overall he's a really good and well behaved kid. He's just stubborn and if he doesnt want to stop he's not going to! No matter what look or threat I give him!

I hope my #2 is different!! It makes me so nervous to have another one

this this this!  

mine is so well behaved he just is go go go!  he doesn't want to sit sit sit and I'm sorry but other diners are paying for their experience and I'm not going to let mine scream and ruin their dinners.  SOOOOO...  one of us walks.  

 

There was a period of time when we couldn't even walk inside a restaurant with Sarah.  Elizabeth is approaching the same age and stage but so far she's much more manageable.  Those two couldn't be bigger opposites.

I'm still cracking up at the Sassy Spray! 

 

savannah11

KKMMex:

IMFun:

Swayntx:

Thank God I'm not the only one!! He will sit for about 5 minutes no matter how many toys we give him or how much food we shove in his mouth! He just doesnt like to sit!!! Overall he's a really good and well behaved kid. He's just stubborn and if he doesnt want to stop he's not going to! No matter what look or threat I give him!

I hope my #2 is different!! It makes me so nervous to have another one

this this this!  

mine is so well behaved he just is go go go!  he doesn't want to sit sit sit and I'm sorry but other diners are paying for their experience and I'm not going to let mine scream and ruin their dinners.  SOOOOO...  one of us walks.  

 

There was a period of time when we couldn't even walk inside a restaurant with Sarah.  Elizabeth is approaching the same age and stage but so far she's much more manageable.  Those two couldn't be bigger opposites.

I'm still cracking up at the Sassy Spray! 

 

 

We had to take a year off eating out with O because he couldn't sit.  Now he's old enough to understand that we are there to eat and have to sit.  But instead of screaming and crawling around I now here "I'm ready to go now mom" at least 100 times.  It's just as annoying and really takes to pleasure out of eating out.

 Unfortunately it's looking like #2 will be the same way.  At 9 months she's already trying to crawl out of high chairs and strollers.  We just don't make easy going kids.

BettyJoe

Awesome thread.

My sassy spray as a child was a quick slap to the face when necessary.

M&M614

I know for a fact sassy spray wouldn't work on my kids.  They would probably think it's fun and something yummy to drink.

All kids are different.  Some kids act up more than others and test limits more.  Mine are both limit testers.  And the three-year-old often will take any punishment because it's "worth it" to her to get to do what she wants.  spankings, time-outs, groundings, taking away toys, movies, special treats,etc etc etc...

 Micah is even more stubborn... oh crap.

michellebelle

Tara - I think you got lucky.  And I do definitely see a difference in girls vs. boys.  We are the last of our friends to have kids and have had the opportunity to witness different parents who have had one of each.  All of them have had an easier time with their girls than their boys in terms of being submissive and obedient.  I think it's human nature - boys naturally test the boundaries more.

And then I see girls like my Maddie and Miss Jake's Maddie who push-and-push-and-push the limits with their mothers but are much more obedient with their fathers.  The man's loud booming voice is apparently much more persuasive or influential than our soft motherly voices.

And I happen to have one-hell-of-a "look" that knocks OTHER people's kids into submission and sometimes makes them cry without my saying a word.  My daughter, on the other hand, sees the look and either copies me laughing or changes her ways momentarily but tries to get sneaky about doing whatever it was she was doing before.  VERY stubborn.  Madeline only reacts to the Look like other kids do if I scream at her.  I don't think that screaming at your child is appropriate either so I'd rather try time-outs and an occasional pop to the bum rather than scream her into submission and fear.

Cassie - I LOVE Dante's Inferno so that as a teaching method is hilarious - something I could imagine Dwight from the office really using with his kids, hehe.

As for sassy spray, soap in the mouth etc. - these are not options I like.

Sassy spray - cats pee on their kids when they get out of line because neither animal has the cognitive ability to verbal reason with one another.  Verbal reasoning doesn't always work with toddlers either, but an 8 year old should certainly have the ability to converse about consequences without having her mother pee in her mouth (which is basically what sassy spray is - getting your kid in line with a pee-equivalent).

Soap in the mouth - it can be effective, I guess.  But I remember being traumatized and really degraded as a child when I had to stand at the kitchen sink chewing a bar of ivory soap until it was just lather, then I was allowed to spit it out.  I had to chew that bar for a long time.  It might have taught me the lesson to not sass my parents, but I did not respect them after that and it only further drove me to disregard what they said/wanted for me.  My mom (different town, different pair of parents) would at least reason with me, answer my questions, etc.  I didn't get my way any more than I did with the other parents, but at least I felt she respected me enough to tell me why I couldn't have my way and she simply withheld privileges if I sassed too much (most of the time... there were a few knock-down-drag-out-fights in the teen years).

I want my daughter to respect me.  So I have limits.  1-2-3 works well for her.  She knows by 3 I will put her in the corner - whether we are at a restaurant, wal-mart, target, or home.  She knows because I followed through with the threat.  I think that by setting boundaries and sticking to them but not demeaning her, I will have her respect in the end. 

It's harder than pissing in her mouth or beating her a$$, or slapping her in the face (ouch Betty Jo!) but it happens to work for us so it's the approach I am taking.

Note - my daughter is so sassy she even says, "We don't say no to our friends Mommy" when I tell her no about something, and I just have to reply, "I'm not your friend - I'm your mother."  Gulp.

 

KelleyA

That's odd, just plain weird and not something I'd do.

rayskit10

KelleyA:

That's odd, just plain weird and not something I'd do.

this 

ZAngel

I say leave it up to the parent... whatever works.  Personally, I would laugh at the sassy spray.  I did get my mouth washed out with soap a few times as a kid though.  I usually just take away things from my son or give a good ole fashioned whoopin' as needed.  Although, my son has been grounded for most of the school year so maybe I need to figure out something else.

txbootsy

Parenting is hard and I dont judge. But i do agree with ,consistancy is the key to parenting. So whatever you do, just keep doing it and follow through. You have to do some tough love and firm speaking to them every once in a while too.

Enjoy those kids and babies! It is the hardest job in the world and the most wonderful job in the world!

But my MIL would use the term sassy to my DH and brothers and they would have to kneel in the corner and/or eat soap. Trust me that is brutal!

ayersfam20

michellebelle:

Tara - I think you got lucky.  And I do definitely see a difference in girls vs. boys.  We are the last of our friends to have kids and have had the opportunity to witness different parents who have had one of each.  All of them have had an easier time with their girls than their boys in terms of being submissive and obedient.  I think it's human nature - boys naturally test the boundaries more.

And then I see girls like my Maddie and Miss Jake's Maddie who push-and-push-and-push the limits with their mothers but are much more obedient with their fathers.  The man's loud booming voice is apparently much more persuasive or influential than our soft motherly voices.

And I happen to have one-hell-of-a "look" that knocks OTHER people's kids into submission and sometimes makes them cry without my saying a word.  My daughter, on the other hand, sees the look and either copies me laughing or changes her ways momentarily but tries to get sneaky about doing whatever it was she was doing before.  VERY stubborn.  Madeline only reacts to the Look like other kids do if I scream at her.  I don't think that screaming at your child is appropriate either so I'd rather try time-outs and an occasional pop to the bum rather than scream her into submission and fear.

Cassie - I LOVE Dante's Inferno so that as a teaching method is hilarious - something I could imagine Dwight from the office really using with his kids, hehe.

As for sassy spray, soap in the mouth etc. - these are not options I like.

Sassy spray - cats pee on their kids when they get out of line because neither animal has the cognitive ability to verbal reason with one another.  Verbal reasoning doesn't always work with toddlers either, but an 8 year old should certainly have the ability to converse about consequences without having her mother pee in her mouth (which is basically what sassy spray is - getting your kid in line with a pee-equivalent).

Soap in the mouth - it can be effective, I guess.  But I remember being traumatized and really degraded as a child when I had to stand at the kitchen sink chewing a bar of ivory soap until it was just lather, then I was allowed to spit it out.  I had to chew that bar for a long time.  It might have taught me the lesson to not sass my parents, but I did not respect them after that and it only further drove me to disregard what they said/wanted for me.  My mom (different town, different pair of parents) would at least reason with me, answer my questions, etc.  I didn't get my way any more than I did with the other parents, but at least I felt she respected me enough to tell me why I couldn't have my way and she simply withheld privileges if I sassed too much (most of the time... there were a few knock-down-drag-out-fights in the teen years).

I want my daughter to respect me.  So I have limits.  1-2-3 works well for her.  She knows by 3 I will put her in the corner - whether we are at a restaurant, wal-mart, target, or home.  She knows because I followed through with the threat.  I think that by setting boundaries and sticking to them but not demeaning her, I will have her respect in the end. 

It's harder than pissing in her mouth or beating her a$$, or slapping her in the face (ouch Betty Jo!) but it happens to work for us so it's the approach I am taking.

Note - my daughter is so sassy she even says, "We don't say no to our friends Mommy" when I tell her no about something, and I just have to reply, "I'm not your friend - I'm your mother."  Gulp.

 

I think we should be able to say no to our friends!  A good lesson to learn is that it's ok to say no to them.

MrsMGR

I agree 100% with michellebelle in all her sentiments regarding certain discipline methods being demeaning to my child and making him respect me less. I do the 1, 2, 3 method and then he goes into the corner or his crib if he acts up. However, I am VERY lucky in that my kid doesn't act up very much at all. I can't really recall having to put him in his crib for bad behavior accept when he was in his biting phase and he hit me a couple times...this was all sort of one phase that lasted a few weeks and then he got over whatever aggression he was feeling. I assume it was because his teeth were in so much pain, he was acting out. But, who knows? Yes, I know, I am very lucky.

michellebelle

ayersfam20:

michellebelle:

 

Note - my daughter is so sassy she even says, "We don't say no to our friends Mommy" when I tell her no about something, and I just have to reply, "I'm not your friend - I'm your mother."  Gulp.

 

I think we should be able to say no to our friends!  A good lesson to learn is that it's ok to say no to them.

Giggling - good point.  Especially if they are trying to get sex. ;-)

I often say, "we don't [fill in blank] our friends" when correcting her so she was sort of mimicking that.  You know, we don't [hit, push, bite, poke, pinch, screem at, take things from, be mean to, etc.] our friends.  And I've told her "we don't say no to mommy and daddy like that" when she is shouting no. 

It's easier to just say, "I'm not your friend, I'm your mommy" than to get into when she can and can't or should/shouldn't say no to her friends and how that applies to me.  She just turned 3.  We have time for that a little later.

mom2ll

MrsMGR:

I agree 100% with michellebelle in all her sentiments regarding certain discipline methods being demeaning to my child and making him respect me less. I do the 1, 2, 3 method and then he goes into the corner or his crib if he acts up. However, I am VERY lucky in that my kid doesn't act up very much at all. I can't really recall having to put him in his crib for bad behavior accept when he was in his biting phase and he hit me a couple times...this was all sort of one phase that lasted a few weeks and then he got over whatever aggression he was feeling. I assume it was because his teeth were in so much pain, he was acting out. But, who knows? Yes, I know, I am very lucky.

You are lucky..  I had to work yestreday and had to shower before DH could get home  (Lila was napping) I turned on the TV and put Luca in our room with the door closed (we have a master suite, so he was in the same room as me).  He opened the door and went down the hall, dumped the laundry basket, and took it to the front door, turned it over stepped up on it, opened the dead bolt and lock, opened the door, and went across the street...  All in the time I washed my hair.  I though he was still on the bed (can't see the bed from the shower)...  Yep, he got a time out and spanking...  some kids are much more devious than others...

MrsMGR

bpaullo:

MrsMGR:

I agree 100% with michellebelle in all her sentiments regarding certain discipline methods being demeaning to my child and making him respect me less. I do the 1, 2, 3 method and then he goes into the corner or his crib if he acts up. However, I am VERY lucky in that my kid doesn't act up very much at all. I can't really recall having to put him in his crib for bad behavior accept when he was in his biting phase and he hit me a couple times...this was all sort of one phase that lasted a few weeks and then he got over whatever aggression he was feeling. I assume it was because his teeth were in so much pain, he was acting out. But, who knows? Yes, I know, I am very lucky.

You are lucky..  I had to work yestreday and had to shower before DH could get home  (Lila was napping) I turned on the TV and put Luca in our room with the door closed (we have a master suite, so he was in the same room as me).  He opened the door and went down the hall, dumped the laundry basket, and took it to the front door, turned it over stepped up on it, opened the dead bolt and lock, opened the door, and went across the street...  All in the time I washed my hair.  I though he was still on the bed (can't see the bed from the shower)...  Yep, he got a time out and spanking...  some kids are much more devious than others...

 

LMAO....and he's afraid of a bounce house. LOL!

michellebelle

MrsMGR:

bpaullo:

MrsMGR:

I agree 100% with michellebelle in all her sentiments regarding certain discipline methods being demeaning to my child and making him respect me less. I do the 1, 2, 3 method and then he goes into the corner or his crib if he acts up. However, I am VERY lucky in that my kid doesn't act up very much at all. I can't really recall having to put him in his crib for bad behavior accept when he was in his biting phase and he hit me a couple times...this was all sort of one phase that lasted a few weeks and then he got over whatever aggression he was feeling. I assume it was because his teeth were in so much pain, he was acting out. But, who knows? Yes, I know, I am very lucky.

You are lucky..  I had to work yestreday and had to shower before DH could get home  (Lila was napping) I turned on the TV and put Luca in our room with the door closed (we have a master suite, so he was in the same room as me).  He opened the door and went down the hall, dumped the laundry basket, and took it to the front door, turned it over stepped up on it, opened the dead bolt and lock, opened the door, and went across the street...  All in the time I washed my hair.  I though he was still on the bed (can't see the bed from the shower)...  Yep, he got a time out and spanking...  some kids are much more devious than others...

 

LMAO....and he's afraid of a bounce house. LOL!

That is scary! Across the street!?!

Maddie went outside one time when I was in the bathroom (a rare time she let me have privacy) but DH was in the garage, thank God.  So he saw her.  But between his reaction and mine, she was pretty much scared out of going through that door without someone with her.

However, she did unlock and open the door for our neighbor (and I didn't have a bra on and wasn't ready to open it yet... wish he'd learn to call first).  So we have to work on that now.

mom2ll

michellebelle:

MrsMGR:

bpaullo:

MrsMGR:

I agree 100% with michellebelle in all her sentiments regarding certain discipline methods being demeaning to my child and making him respect me less. I do the 1, 2, 3 method and then he goes into the corner or his crib if he acts up. However, I am VERY lucky in that my kid doesn't act up very much at all. I can't really recall having to put him in his crib for bad behavior accept when he was in his biting phase and he hit me a couple times...this was all sort of one phase that lasted a few weeks and then he got over whatever aggression he was feeling. I assume it was because his teeth were in so much pain, he was acting out. But, who knows? Yes, I know, I am very lucky.

You are lucky..  I had to work yestreday and had to shower before DH could get home  (Lila was napping) I turned on the TV and put Luca in our room with the door closed (we have a master suite, so he was in the same room as me).  He opened the door and went down the hall, dumped the laundry basket, and took it to the front door, turned it over stepped up on it, opened the dead bolt and lock, opened the door, and went across the street...  All in the time I washed my hair.  I though he was still on the bed (can't see the bed from the shower)...  Yep, he got a time out and spanking...  some kids are much more devious than others...

 

LMAO....and he's afraid of a bounce house. LOL!

That is scary! Across the street!?!

Maddie went outside one time when I was in the bathroom (a rare time she let me have privacy) but DH was in the garage, thank God.  So he saw her.  But between his reaction and mine, she was pretty much scared out of going through that door without someone with her.

However, she did unlock and open the door for our neighbor (and I didn't have a bra on and wasn't ready to open it yet... wish he'd learn to call first).  So we have to work on that now.

I chased him down in a towel...  and he's not even 2...  What will he be doing when he's 3?  I may need drugs...

michellebelle

bpaullo:

I chased him down in a towel...  and he's not even 2...  What will he be doing when he's 3?  I may need drugs...

Well they aren't pretty but there are these door jam things you can affix to your door/frame so that it cannot be opened unless that is folded flat against the door frame.  You can install them up high out of the reach of small ones, even if they get on a chair.

The bad thing is if your DH comes home he'll have to wait for you to get out of the shower... like just like a door chain...

mom2ll

michellebelle:

bpaullo:

I chased him down in a towel...  and he's not even 2...  What will he be doing when he's 3?  I may need drugs...

Well they aren't pretty but there are these door jam things you can affix to your door/frame so that it cannot be opened unless that is folded flat against the door frame.  You can install them up high out of the reach of small ones, even if they get on a chair.

The bad thing is if your DH comes home he'll have to wait for you to get out of the shower... like just like a door chain...

DH bought them yesterday...  He just needs to install them...  We are becoming a maximum security facility

04JaxBride

we had a chain on our front door most of my life.  sucked balls if the electricity went out and you couldn't come in via the garage door opener, though, and you had accidentally left the door chained ; )

michellebelle

04JaxBride:

we had a chain on our front door most of my life.  sucked balls if the electricity went out and you couldn't come in via the garage door opener, though, and you had accidentally left the door chained ; )

Oh, well since DH's recliner and big TV are blocking my ability to park in the garage, this is a moot point for us!

The chains just remind me of the days when we lived in the hood.  I hear the sound of the chain and I think of these guys that were breaking in our front door to get at my mom.  They got through the deadbolt and the chain held them at bay for a bit while we exited through a back window.  You'd think they'd make me feel safe, but I just hear the rattle and think of those guys.  (shudder).  I like those little foldy things a little better, at least to keep Maddie IN. 

starlettedir

between a coach and a director...I'm pretty sure that any kid in the star househould will either run laps aroudn the hood or highkicking for punishment at some point in time...

 

Spray's don't work on r....he just licks it up.  They don't work on DH's either..they just give you WTF looks.

michellebelle

starlettedir:

between a coach and a director...I'm pretty sure that any kid in the star househould will either run laps aroudn the hood or highkicking for punishment at some point in time...

 

Spray's don't work on r....he just licks it up.  They don't work on DH's either..they just give you WTF looks.

Bwah hahahahah!

Holsbc

Wow - very harsh - every child is different and different things work for different kiddos. I think she's a terrific parent for trying to find ways to teach her children. You must have no kids, or maybe your just the perfect parent???