Hawaii Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Roll call: Who's not a mom/KU/TTC?
Ooooh! Do that! I've been so into gardening the past 2-3 years (since we got a house). I'd love to talk gardens.
First of all, I understand feeling left out or unable to contribute to BR posts if you're not TTC/PG/Mama or BOTB...I remember after I got married and started posting on the NorCal Nest Board feeling the same way...and I eventually started "hanging out" on the BNOTB National Board...especially when I was feeling adamantly that J and I would be CBC (Childless By Choice). Well, as we know things change...
That said, for me, my life is pretty much focused on Libby right now or work. That's all there is time for as of late. Being a mom is 24/7. Finding balance is the goal. It probably doesn't help that my "life" outside of work and her is primarily online. I don't have a network of friends or even family where I live. That is something I plan to work on this year...I want to create some roots here. Otherwise, I could see myself wanting to move back to CA. That said, being focused on Libby is not the same thing as being obsessed (like when I was wedding planning
). It's not like I am talking about her every second of every day. I do have other interests but she is my focus. And despite having a 3 month old, my husband and I make time everyday to connect...talk about our day, etc.
Finally, I think that if some of the newlywed knotties would give this board a chance, they'd be happy here. We are a welcoming bunch. And they could increase the frequency of non-BR related topics for sure. I am sorry if anyone feels that they wouldn't fit in or be welcomed. Reminds me of when we were all hesitant to make the leap since this board was primarily used by the DW Knotties. But with Jaime's encouragement I started posting her more often and then invited a bunch of you to do the same (just about two years ago now).
What's interesting about this board is that many of us are here because of the common bond of getting married in Hawaii. Most of us don't even live there. But beyond that we've found other things in our lives that we can related to with one another and lately, BOTB has been one of those things very much in the way that planning our weddings in Hawaii was. If people want to broaden the range then I am all for it...we have shared interests in things like photography, decorating, gardening, cooking, travel, music, etc. If folks want to post about those topics I am all for it...I am happy to chime on those as well as the BR topics. That said, I think those who aren't BOTB should take it upon themselves to initiate these threads since those of use who are BOTB are already initiating threads that are BR as well as those that are not BR.
Finally, if this continues to be a "hot topic" then I think we should use the HI Bump Board for BR chat. That's why it's there. And that way, we won't have to worry if we're offending anyone or keeping them away. In all honesty, I'd probably be on TB board more than here, but I would still lurk/post on this board if I wanted to participate in the topic(s).
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog
We, too, are not TTC at this point. We just love being wonderful auntie and uncle to our little nephew (8mo) and new baby niece who is 7 wks old!!
But, everyone around is either pregnant, trying to get pregant, has BOTB, or has recently had a baby. I mean, EVERYONE. If you're my FB friend, you've seen that even a bird laid eggs in a nest in our wreath hanging on the front door.
I'm just not ready yet. And sometimes, yes, I do feel a little "left out" on the board. But I enjoy seeing everyone's pictures and reading your experiences! I feel that they may help me later AND I love that I will have some fabulous, knowledgeable, experienced, beautiful mommies to turn to later! But I also refrain from posting...mainly because I don't really know what to write and I'd rather just read and go on.
I actually believe that my husband is more ready to settle down. I think that he'll always be more ready than me. I know that you can still travel and stuff w/children, but I just want more me and him time before we get to that point. I feel like the travelling will come a lot less since it'll be more $$$. So, I feel the need to get that itch out. Another thing is, I don't feel like my body is quite ready for pregnancy yet. And that really, really scares me. I feel like I need to be a little more healthier, possibly lose a little bit of weight, but mainly to feel better and more energized. Lastly, I want to be able to afford a good quality life for my kids. So far, I've been living my own SELFISH life. So...I want to wait until we have a bit more saved up before deciding to have BOTB.
Anyways, that's my bit. But I do love hearing everything and I'm so excited for our new mommies and mommies-to-be. DON'T move to the bump, I would miss you all so much and wouldn't be the same!!
Being pregnant and having a baby is such a game changer and like MauiMary said, there's a steep learning curve, so it does occupy a lot of my mind.... especially on this board b/c there are so many others going through similar experiences who have knowledge to share.
However, I wouldn't say my life is all baby. While pregnant, I completed my Ph.D. and traveled, and now that he's here, I still maintain my marriage, see my girlfriends and work toward my career. It sometimes takes a conscious effort to not make the baby my main focus, and I'm still figuring out the balance -- though the reality of the situation is that it IS a lot of your life (and it's completely worth it). Like most women, I think I'm a much better mom when I nurture all the different parts of me, not just the "mother" one, and I'm glad I have a spouse who appreciates and supports that!
I agree with this. I think this is why I have mentioned it a couple times :P I dunno, is there a happy medium? It seems it is either 'there are way too many BR posts' or 'don't leave and go to The Bump'.
I love Hawaii!
Tara & Ian . 4/24/2008 . The Kahala Planning . Married
I don't get the sense that it's a hot topic anymore. Most of the posts in this thread have been supportive of the BR information, even if it's not their thing right now.
I agree that it'd be fun to find more common interests -- something like Health and Fitness or Cooking or Finances? We could have weekly check-ins on those topics too, if people are interested and willing to post them!
I'm getting into this late so I don't know if anyone will even read this, but here are my $0.02...
At the moment? Honestly? Yes. It IS on my mind to the exclusion of just about everything else. Babies - especially newborns - are SO needy. Right now my life is a 3-hour cycle of feeding and changing and soothing and that's just about it. Don't get me wrong, I still do other stuff (nothing terribly exciting, just meeting a friend for coffee or whatever) but it has to work around the babies' schedule. My life literally revolves around them at the moment.
This WILL change as they get older and more independent and I grow more confident with them, but right now it's simply the reality of the situation. It doesn't make me any less me, or mean that the only things I'm interested in any more are dirty diapers (trust me, I'd love to be able to do other things aside from looking at poo and being relieved that it's a normal color lol) but it does mean that my priorities and ability to do some things have changed for the time being.
And this is why I post BR stuff:
There are so many things that I don't know about, and this is a place where I feel safe and comfortable asking what are probably a lot of silly/obvious questions.
To me, the ladies on this board are my friends as much as (and in some cases more than) my friends in real life, and I talk to my friends about what's happening in my life. And right now, what's happening in my life is babies. I'm scared and overwhelmed and struggling and this is all so new and I express all of these things to my friends, both here and IRL. I'm not trying to annoy anyone - it's just where I am in life. BUT that said, I absolutely do understand how it can be annoying if it's not where you (general "you" here) are in your life, because I've been there too!
I had to laugh at "I've-never-known-anyone-who-had-a-kid board"...although I have known people who have had kids, I've never been a baby (or child) person so I honestly don't know much about them and I genuinely haven't interacted a great deal with them! Probably sad that I had kids without knowing more, I know.
I'm SO sorry and sad that the BR posts make you feel inferior...that never even occured to me. I totally agree that stepparenting is hard - my parents are divorced and my stepmom is awesome, but I'm sure it's been very difficult at times for her. I think stepparenting is actually probably harder than "regular" parenting because there are all of these horrible "evil stepmother" stereotypes that you have to deal with and a different dynamic as well. I feel awful that I may have made you feel bad because you don't have biological children, because I know what a hard job stepparenting is, and I really respect that.
Amy! You. Are. HILARIOUS!! This cracked me up
It's totally true, and I'm totally guilty of it myself. It's one of those things where you can read all the books, be around "other" peoples kids, babysit etc for years, and once it's a "your" baby, you think, "Oh my god! WHAT DID I JUST DO????" Well, that's what it was like for me anyways.
Not that I'm on the board enough to make any suggestions about how the board should flow. But it seems like the BR posts have grown organically, it's what alot of the girls think about, so it's what they talk about. It's not like nonBR posts get shat on. So if more NBR posts are what you want, then start some
And if we all got hurt everytime our posts didn't get as many replies as someone elses, we'd all be wondering around all sulky and sad.
As far as inferiority goes, you're WAY too smart to let an online message board mean enough to you to spark such strong emotions about yourself.
On top of that, even if you had chosen to help in the planet's overpopulation, there would STILL be subsets that would make you feel like your not doing it "right" and dare I say are on your way to raising an immuno-challended(because you didn't breastfeed)-bleeding-chemical-burned-blister having (because you didn't cloth diaper)-flaming pajama-wearing (because you used *gasp* fabric softener)-un"bonded" (because you didn't co-sleep/wear yur baby 24/4, speak to them in the womb, etc), illiterate-non-sign language speaking social outcast!
Whew..ok, gotta go...my fingers are actually sore after that little rant
Cerclage placed @ 21w6d due to CI (IC)
Like red-shoed Lisa I was never really into babies until I planned to have my own. I had taken care of my newphew and a friend's baby while I was in my 20's but obviously I just did what their parents directed me to do with their children, I wasn't making choices on my own. And now that I am a parent and need to make choices for my child, it's nice to have a place to bounce those ideas off of others in the same boat.
As an "older" first-time mom (I know there are TONS of women in their mid-30's and older having babies so I have an issue with the term "older" but whatev.) I am not really around other women IRL with newborns and babies. My twin brother has a 12 year old and an 8 year old and the majority of my friends and family are way past the baby stage. So I am happy to have this group of online friends who are in the same placethat I am and come here to bounce ideas off of them, vent, chat, etc. That said, I have been doing the majority of my BR posting on the Attachment Parenting Board on The Bump and rarely start BR posts here (except for the weekly check-in). Howvever, I do respond to almost all of the BR posts here because I feel like we're all in this together and the nesties here have always been wonderfully supportive no matter what the topic or issue has been.
As for the stepmom thing...I know it can be rough. I have seen my friends struggle with this as well (whether they are the biological parent and have remarried or are the stepparent there seems to be a ton of struggle on each side). I was a stepchild and unfortunately had the classic step-monster.
I hope you don't hold back on chiming in on the parenting threads, etc. because you feel your opinions won't be respected because you didn't give birth to the children you're parenting. Giving birth is not the criteria for being a parent...otherwise all people who adopt, foster, stepparent, etc. would not be considered parents and that is just ridiculous. So...if you feel like you want to chime in and offer your opinion or advice or whatever, please do! The more contributors to the dialogue, the better IMHO. If it's not your thing, that's fine too.
This made me LOL. Especially since I've chosen to do ALL of what you've described here (BF, CD, AP, sign language and we do plan to also do Baby Led Weaning)...but I hope I've never come across as judgemental as if choosing something less "crunchy" makes you less of a good mom. I know that some women who chose to parent their children in this manner can come across that way, but I try my best not to, because the beauty in life is that we're all free to make the choices that are best for us (and our family). I am all about the Golden Rule, especially when it comes to choices like parenting. Just as there is no one right way to be a spouse, there is no one right way to be a parent.
And FWIW, even if you do chose to do some of the things you've listed, there are still others who will judge you for being too "lite" because you vaccinate, or work outside the home, or send your kids to daycare/school or use a stroller/bouncy/swing/crib, or because you don't buy all organic food fresh from the farm or even better grow it yourself. Whatev. As long as there are mommies, I guess there will be those who feel insecure in their own choices and therefore have to pass judgement on others. Sad by true.
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog
Very well said! Having Elyse has changed absolutely everything in my life. In my opinion it has changed everything for the better.
I don't post as often because pretty much everything I think about is BR. I'm really trying to have more balance (specially for my IRL friends who don't have or want babies), but honestly it's really hard.
She's my whole world and I think that's ok
Married Bio
Exactly. I remember Dooce (Heather Armstrong) posting a pic of herself BF'ing in the airport, but she was wearing a cover up thingy. Someone got all over her for covering up! Like she was commiting a crime against feminism for doing what makes HER comfortable. Those are the people I want to flip the big ol' bird to
Point being, Amy said was feeling insecure about not having kids on this board, but even if you "do" have them, there's still a whole list of things to feel insecure about. We women do a good job of dishing it AND taking on our own bs
Cerclage placed @ 21w6d due to CI (IC)
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog
I'm not a mom/KU/TTC, and I echo many of the thoughts already stated. I don't mind reading the BR posts, but I don't read all of them, and I feel like I can't really contribute a lot. I'd hate if you guys left to go to TB, though!
Honestly, some of the BR posts scare me. The thought of having a baby and all of the millions of things that go into it are so overwhelming. A lot of the topics are things I never even thought of thinking of. I would like to have a baby some day, and reading these posts have opened up my eyes. Hopefully I will be ready when it is time. For now, I'm just letting it sink in.
I would love to see more NBR posts so that I could contribute more. It does seem that NBR posts don't get as much response/attention as the BR ones.
Me!
I am not a mom (but I do have two step-kids, ages 19 and 17), not KU and not ever going to TTC. No kids for me! And I am in a tiny minority - seems like very few women forgo the whole motherhood thing.
BR posts don't bother me. So many of my friends are moms, it helps me to understand what they are talking about and going through.