confessions

_Fenton

modb1rd:

I was a bit flip with my "letting it go" comment. What I meant, and didn't touch on at all, was that if the woman is truly mentally ill, J having a conversation with his mother where he says "You have to stop treating Jen like this or there will be consequences" is probably useless. That Jen has to stop taking it as a personal attack or slight. When my grandfather's alzheimer's hit the stage where he was verbally abusive, I couldn't take it personally.

I have zero issues with Jen cutting the MIL out of her life, and I think she probably should. But if she's bipolar, I don't think the "normal" ways of dealing with a bad MIL apply here especially if noone else in her family is trying to make her go into treatment.

It also felt like, in Jen's original post, that the MIL was only being horrible to Jen. But it sounds like she's being horrible and unpredictably so to everyone in the family.

I think dementia and Alzheimer's isn't in quite the same ballpark as being bipolar or even schizophrenic. Someone who knows more science stuff correct me if I'm wrong, but a person with advanced Alzheimer's doesn't have the capacity for self awareness that a person with a personality disorder does.  There is medication you can take if you're bipolar, and nothing you can do for Alzheimer's; plus Alzheimer's is degenerative and fatal, whereas bipolar disorder is not.  For many reasons, this is apples to oranges.

It's possible her MIL isn't bipolar and this is at least verbal/emotional abuse. Even if that's the case, I still think they both need to agree on how to deal with it and someone needs to assure her H that it's not "mean" to respond to your mother like a normal adult and not just take it because you love her.

wendyld

_Fenton:

I think dementia and Alzheimer's isn't in quite the same ballpark as being bipolar or even schizophrenic. Someone who knows more science stuff correct me if I'm wrong, but a person with advanced Alzheimer's doesn't have the capacity for self awareness that a person with a personality disorder does.  There is medication you can take if you're bipolar, and nothing you can do for Alzheimer's; plus Alzheimer's is degenerative and fatal, whereas bipolar disorder is not.  For many reasons, this is apples to oranges.

It's possible her MIL isn't bipolar and this is at least verbal/emotional abuse. Even if that's the case, I still think they both need to agree on how to deal with it and someone needs to assure her H that it's not "mean" to respond to your mother like a normal adult and not just take it because you love her.

Can't it be both of these?  That's the basket my pebble is going into.