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I feel horrible for hating my husband's gift!!
Well, it's our first Christmas, and since he is staying home to have Christmas with his kids, I'm flying back to my hometown to be with family. We are sad to be apart, but we did our gift exchange tonight.
We are really strapped for cash right now, as we just got married two months ago, so I was surprised when he said that he knew what he was getting me. He seemed excited that he got it for under $100. I was shocked he wanted to spend so much--we've been strapped every year. One year, we had to get creative and spend NOTHING--which meant we had to make our gifts. It turned out great. Another was a $20 limit, and he got me a book i really wanted. I am really into saving money and being thrifty, so it's been great.
So... To this year. I am really into either very practical gifts (I had told him that I would love to get a AAA membership or some work done on my car) or very meaningful gifts (I have been really wanting a painting my father owned for many years to get framed). He had really seemed excited to give me this gift. I guess I'd been hoping for maybe some jewelry, something from my heritage (my father was from a different country), or something, anything but what I got.
I almost laughed when I opened it, because I thought it was a joke. It is a pepto-bismol colored pink footed hoodie one-piece pair of pajamas. At first I thought it was a replica of the "Christmas Story" pajamas with the bunny ears. Then I realized he was serious. He had even had my name monogrammed on it.
Oh my god, I haven't worn footed pjs since I was ten... And when I tried it on, I had forgotten how much I have hated them. I find them extremely claustrophobic and uncomfortable. And they are the most unflattering things I have ever seen. I look like Tweedledum or maybe Humpty Dumpty in them. And they are personalized--my name is monogrammed on it.
He paid over $70 for them. I literally have so many pairs of fleece pjs, that I was thinking of getting rid of the extras I have because they are clogging my closet. He said that he thought it would keep me warm. I actually think he thought i would like them.
I don't know what to do--I tried really hard to hide my feelings. I DID give him a hard time about spending so much money, to which he replied, "But, you're worth it!" That just made me feel worse!
Oh my god, for $70 I could have gotten a AAA membership for my car that is falling apart. Or gotten my picture framed. Or, hell, gotten some spending money for my trip. Or a gift card. Or a nice piece of silver jewelry. Or anything but the hideous and uncomfortable thing that I got. It kills me that that money that we could have used for groceries was spent on something like that.
I have horrible mixed feelings--he really thought he put a lot of thought into this. I guess some company advertised and sucked him in, making him think it was the best gift, ever. But he didn't even try to find out if it was something I needed or if it was something I would have liked at all. I have too many fleece PJs as is. I hate the color, the fit, the sense of impending doom (claustrophobia) etc. I just don't understand why he would take a risk like that on something so expensive.
I know I sound terribly ungrateful, and that is why I had a hard time not crying--not because I was upset with him, but because I was upset with myself for not liking it. Unfortunately, I have a very hard time hiding my feelings, and I've been going through a rough spell-three funerals in three weeks of people I cared about, so I'm a bit fragile right now.
Do I ever tell him that it wasn't the gift for me? If I don't, will he think he did a good job and do the same in the future? What good would telling him be, other than hurting his feelings? I don't want to do that, but he knows something is wrong. But I really want him to check with me and make sure it's something I want before spending so much money. Especially on something non-returnable.
Part of me is angry, to be honest, because I feel like he didn't care enough to try to find out if I'd like it or to try to find out a better gift (I'd given him hints, but he seemed to imply that he'd found something great). And I'm angry for him spending way too much on something like that-- he knows I'm big on saving money and I don't see it as a "splurge" if it isn't even something you want. And we really don't have the money to spend on stuff like that.
Part of me feels hurt, because it seems to speak to what he thinks of me. I look like an unattractive, amorphous blob in it. I really hoped that our first Christmas would have a little more meaning.
Part of me feels horribly guilty for not liking the gift, or at least for not being able to hide it well.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but right now, for us, that is a LOT of money and I am very stressed that it was spent on that.
What do I do? He's been asking me what is wrong, but no way do I want to tell him. I'd be a huge jerk.
Re: I feel horrible for hating my husband's gift!!
In a month or so (maybe when your birthday or anniversary are coming up), I would tell him that you really appreciated his thoughtfulness at Christmas; how he thought these pajamas would keep you warm, how he had them personalized, etc. Then I would kindly tell him that that type of pajama is not your style, that they make you uncomfortable, etc. "Honey, I know you put a lot of thought into those pajamas, but they really just aren't me." Personally, my DH and I always explicitly tell each other a few things we'd like so that we know we'll like whatever the other buys us for Christmas/birthdays/etc. It's just how each of us was raised, though, and I understand everyone's family is different. I don't really know what to tell you to tell him for the next time around. It seems like you were doing better when you had smaller budgets and were getting each other simpler, but more sentimental items. Maybe you could go back to that plan?
GP buddy to blenderdance
This is so tough! My DH is seriously a horrible gift giver - he puts no thought into it, does it last minute, etc and I'm the total opposite. It bothered me for a while and now I know it just is what it is and am grateful for the 3 million other great qualities he has.
For your situation, I think you either should talk to him about it or literally drop it so you aren't carrying a grudge around. I assume they aren't returnable so you are stuck with them since they are monogrammed? If you do talk to him, maybe say, "It's been on my mind that you spent so much on my gift. Even though you put so much thought into it and I really appreciate it, I just feel liek $70 is so much to spend on PJ's with everything we have going on. I have so many PJ's and these are so cute but probably not exactly what I would have chosen, and I just can't help but feel like this money could really have been spent on something I really needed. I appreciate so much the thought you put into it."
You've vented. Now you need to move on. Seriously.
You're overreacting and reading way too much into this gift.
Maybe since you have SO many pairs of fleece pajamas...he honestly thought he was giving you a really nice present. Sounds like they are the Cadillac of fleece pajamas. Ha!
I really think you just have to let it go. It was a lot more money than most people would spend on fleece pj's, but it sounds like your hubby had the best of intentions.
After awhile, you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh. - Mr. Big
I just laughed when I read what he got you.
Honestly, unless he asks you directly if you really liked it, it is probably better not to say anything. If anything, if you do not wear it, and it eventually ends up at Goodwill--he will probably get that it was not the best gift.
If he asks for you to give Christmas list in the future though, I will be very honest that I have gotten some Christmas list that specify "do not buy clothes for me" or "do not buy me snowglobes" and of course I know that I have bought this for that person in the past. I think Christmas lists are a little more tactful of what works and what does not work for you -it is written and therefore read, so not as hurtful if you were to say something verbally.
Me, too. And one day the OP will laugh about this
Last updated 4/06/11
You're having a hard time not crying over a present?
Honestly, unless the $70 is LIFE CHANGING (and I'm guessing it's not since you are flying home to visit family), then you can't really complain about what he chose to give you as a gift. He probably noticed that you have a ton of fleece PJS and thought this would be a cute take on that--and a little more of a splurge, since it's Christmas. He even got them monogrammed to make it a personalized gift.
Is it a dumb gift? Sure. Would I ever wear it? No. But this: "Part of me is angry, to be honest, because I feel like he didn't care enough to try to find out if I'd like it or to try to find out a better gift" makes you sound like an entitled twelve year old. And this: "Part of me feels hurt, because it seems to speak to what he thinks of me . . . I really hoped that our first Christmas would have a little more meaning." makes you sound bat sh!t crazy.
Any time you exchange gifts, you run the risk of not getting exactly what you want. Your husband picked out something he thought you would love. He missed the mark. Get over it.
I didn't read much past this point because it irks me that you aren't planning to spend your first Christmas as a married woman with your family - your husband and children.
I just have to know...was it this?
If your gift is such a big deal then you should have given your husband a detailed list of the things you wanted. You really do sound like a whiny kid who didn't get what they wanted.
The OP said she tried to give him hints but he rejected them.
Unfortunately, since it is personalized it's almost certainly non-returnable, so there's really no point in confronting him about it. There's nothing that can be done at this point. If it were me I'd just wear it once or twice to be polite, and then like PP said when he asks about it maybe you can tactfully say it wasn't really working for you.
I'm sorry for both you and your husband that this happened, especially since that's a lot of money for a pair of pajamas. But it really is the thought that counts, so you need to be polite and consider his feelings. What if the situation was reversed?
And if you are that hard up for cash, then you shouldn't be flying anywhere. I'm really having a hard time understanding why you would leave your husband on Christmas anyway just because his kids will be over.
Bad gift? Yes.
End of the world? No.
If it is really that big of a deal, be honest with him and tell him that you don't like it. Otherwise suck it up and wear them with a smile.
Huge 2nd. I think your being super selfish by flying home. When you married your husband he became your family too.
Thanks for all the responses. To clarify things a little, I am flying home because my godmother/aunt recently lost her husband and begged me to come home. She even paid for my ticket and offered to pay for my husband's (his mom lives near her, but he wanted to stay in the same town as his adult daughters--we don't have kids together). My husband told me to go home, because he thinks a lot of my aunt and said that he didn't want her to be lonely (she isn't able to travel right now). She paid for a big part of our wedding, and my husband insisted that we be kind to her after all the kindnesses she has showed us. I actually preferred to stay where I am (since I got my fill of my family at our wedding in Oct for a while), but we are both doing this for her.
I am sorry if I sound like a "whiny 12-year-old," or spoiled brat or bat sh*t crazy, or anything else. Here is a little more information that I didn't really want to share earlier. I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD because of some extremely traumatic events that occurred to me when I was a child. Something about those footed pajamas really triggered some very unpleasant feelings for me and magnified the situation tenfold. I also literally FELT like a child in them, and I felt disturbed that my husband wanted to dress me that way. So, yes, I think I did sound like a child and I know I overreacted (not really typical for me, but lately is happening more often). The situation would be like giving a war vet with PTSD something that could be a physical trigger for him. Yes, I am working on this with a good counselor (who said she was proud of me for literally not freaking out about it). And yes, the situation is making me bat sh*t crazy every once in a while.
I did end up talking to my husband about it, and he was wonderful. I wouldn't have been able to hide it, anyway. He apologized, said he'd been pretty desperate for something, and that he wasn't on his "game". And I apologized, too. I never wanted to make him feel bad. We found out we were able to return it (actually cost about $100 with the personalization and shipping), so he's going to give me the practical gift I originally asked for.
Please, I really ask that you be constructive but kind when you reply to posts like these. Name calling and judging isn't necessary--I am more than happy to answer questions to clarify things like why I am going home even though I preferred to stay with my husband and how I could travel when we're strapped for cash, or anything else. No need to be harsh--I'm harsh enough on myself right now.
And thanks so much for those of you with lots of patience and constructive advice!
I am so glad I got to the icing on this cake, the PTSD!!!
lmmfao!!
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
Are you new to the internet? Did you not realize that when you put something out there you are going to get all kinds of opinions? If you can't take it, don't post it.
Um, really? Wow.
OP - I am so sorry - but I promise you, one day you'll be able to laugh at this and I am so happy you can return them!! YEA! And honestly, I am kind of dumbfounded that he spent $100 on a pair of pjs when you said that money was tight - I wouldn't spend that much on pjs if money wasn't tight!
Have a great Christmas and enjoy the time with your family.
Seriously! Please continue to compare your pink fuzzy jammies to the trauma of war!
OMFG. Panarama, you made me literally LOL in my small office of just 3 people!!!!!!
God bless us, every one!
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
War veterans are not the only people to suffer from PTSD and it's not like veteran PTSD is different/worse than childhood trauma PTSD. The pajamas were a trigger. You guys seem ignorant.
OMG- my DH and I are cracking up - i just explained the post to him and read the description of the gift..... and then showed him how LONG the post was - we're both laughing so hard... i'm crying.
seriously- it sucks he got you a sh!tty gift- but i can't believe anyone would write a post THIS long about that!
You're kidding me right? This has to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard.