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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: I feel horrible for hating my husband's gift!!
PTSD symptoms surface within months of the trauma. I give a real side eye to anyone who's suddenly "discovered" they have PTSD after decades.
It's good that you communicated with him and it's great that he was receptive. I would've gone the passive aggressive route and hidden the hideous costume pajama in the back of my closet, would've never worn it...eventually the message would get through.
There's a big learning curve in any marriage; you two are figuring it out. You don't need to explain the situation more than you did initially, in the initial post. Unfortch some people are stuck in high school mode....they like to point and laugh. It's OK to feel disappointed and guilty if that's how you feel. And you're allowed to vent in a long post if that helps. No one is obligated to read it. Just know that on message boards, some people don't go out of their way to be considerate or tolerant. At all.
You're okay. I understand how you're feeling; you're obviously someone who analyzes and feels things very deeply and that's fine. This will be funnier when you aren't so close to the situation....and when you get your money back!
The post is over the top...
And personally I would have turned it into a newly married sexy lady outfit (Hey, there is a lot one can do with footie pajamas and that zipper...I really think the OP is missing an opportunity)...but some of these responses to the PTSD..are bordering on stupid. If you don't know what you are talking about, don't respond....just make fun of.
WTF?! May you both get giant crumbly lumps of coal for Christmas.
OP the jammies suck. And your husband kinda gets a side eye for giving them to you. But he didn't give them to you because he hates you or he wanted to trigger a negative emotional response. He thought you would like them. He thought wrong. I'm not sure what kind of trauma you suffered as a child but I really hope you can move on from this. Try to focus on your husband's intent rather than the actual gift.
IrishSapphire's siggy is giving me PTSD.
OP, the gift blows, no doubt. But I think it's clear that he tried, and obviously didn't know you had such strong feelings against footed jammies. It will be an hilarious story for you guys in no time.
You say thank you, dear, for all the thought you put into my gift; and you put them on and give him a blow job while wearing them.
Jesus. It's PAJAMAS, for god's sake. He didn't give you a Nazi flag. Quit acting like this is a personal affront.
40/112
But who cares, really? Your husband will be the only one who will see you and he obviously wouldn't care if he bought it.
40/112
This.
Men are silly like that, though I honestly don't know what was going on thru your H's mind when he decided on that gift. Maybe you told him a story before that he thought you were nostalgic about. Maybe he thought it would bring you good memories of your childhood??? IDK.
I still do believe in honesty and openness in a relationship though. When you've cooled down, wear it and have a good laugh about it and ask him "what the hell were you thinking????" Playfully if you think it would hurt his feelings. Tell him you love that he was thoughtful but really not what you had in mind.
ETA: I just read your 2nd reply. Well if it was a traumatic experience you had in your childhood, maybe your H didn't know you were wearing the same kind of pjs and that those are your "triggers" now.
Glad it seems like you talked it out with him.
Thank you Spenjamins and Bbbbear for speaking up. If it's a recently re-acquired suppressed memory of course she's only recently developed symptoms. It's not something that "just comes up right after the event." Even soldiers develop PTSD months and years after a traumatic event. My former FIL couldn't sleep without a night-light for 50+ years due to memories of his ship being hit and sunk during WWII; he floated in the Pacific for days while his shipmates died and were eaten in shark-infested waters all around him. My ex is also a disabled vet who "has issues" on occasion due to his disability.
Just as logically, she's had symptoms for years but not realized it because she's always had PTSD and it's normal behavior to her. If she had a recent realization due to therapy and/or if the pajamas are a trigger, of course she's upset and had a negative reaction.
"I'd have some sort of stress disorder too if I were poor." For shame to the poster of that gem, and of some of the others. I'm glad you have been so blessed in your lives that you have no empathy or sympathy for someone who hasn't been so fortunate. I'm lucky. I'm blessed many times over. But I can still find it in myself to feel for someone who hasn't been as fortunate because I always haven't been so blessed. I hope it doesn't take going through hard times, ladies, for you to be able to feel some empathy for others.
Mental illness and particularly childhood trauma or other events severe enough to result in PTSD are not things to laugh at and make light of.
Some people need to not post. Sheesh.
Well I'm sorry about your PTSD.
I guess when DH gets me a gift I'm not crazy about I still act like its the best thing in the world. He loves me so much and I love him and I'd never want him to feel like a failure. However, I do give him a TON of hints all year long and he is always really good at following directions or picking out something totally awesome.
I'm glad you and your H talked about it and worked out the situation.
I haven't read anyone else's responses yet but I am going to put in my two cents.
For our first Christmas, my husband gave me a t-shirt with a picture of my dog's picture and name embroidered on it. For realsies. When I opened it, I about died and then started going through all these thoughts - "This is what he got me for our FIRST CHRISTMAS? First Christmas's are supposed to be special, thoughtful, meaningful, romantic. He got me a damn t-shirt with my dogs name and picture embroidered on it. For real???"
7 years later, it doesn't matter. We laugh over that t-shirt a lot and I wear it when I'm running. Guys don't think the way we do. His thought was, "She likes to wear t-shirts and she loves dogs. This t-shirt would be perfect for her." He didn't mean any malice or to be unromantic.
Over the years, he's still got me some pretty shitty gifts but the things he does inbetween are magical so I don't stress on the embroidered dog t-shirt, I reflect on the amazing adventures we've experienced together.
Don't focus on the little things - you're putting much more meaning into them than he is.
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