board award

maryandkirk0909

amelianguy:

I can understand that. ::hugs:: I'm certainly not saying that you should have put your life on hold. It just worried me that so many big decisions were being made. I want the best for you, and you deserve the best in life, and I've just been worried. I know that's where the others are coming from as well. Please believe me when I say that it's not coming from a hateful place at all, but from a place of love and concern for our friend.

This is my biggest thought on this subject.  I worry about Leslie because I like her, not because she isn't capable of making her own decisions.

amelianguy

MyNinerAE2:

amelianguy:

MyNinerAE2:

I'm posting under an AE for obvious reasons. You all know me. I would like to vote for myself in this case but I know that's not allowed. I feel like my marriage is going down the drain. Also, I have a crush on my co-worker and I've been contemplating having an affair with him. We're going to a conference later in the month together...and I really want something to happen. I know he does too.  I went into this marriage saying I would never betray my husband, but I don't feel like our marriage matters to him anyway, and I wouldn't be surprised if he came to me and told me he'd cheated. What should I do? Has anyone else been in this situation and how did you handle it?

Well hello, AE. Fancy meeting you here. Why'd you have to make a new AE? What happened to the last one?

If you really are a regular, as you say you are, what do you expect us to say? Oh, yes, go ahead and cheat on your husband! It's okay! If your husband would do it then you should do it too!

Um, no.

Marriage is sacred. You took a vow that is NOT to be taken lightly. Even if you do expect that your husband may cheat on you, that's no excuse. You can say you'd not be surprised, but wouldn't you still be hurt? And if you're that unhappy, have enough respect for yourself and for your husband to be honest with him and end your marriage before you go jumping into bed with someone else.

When the board had Post Secret there were several posts about other Niners who had this dilemma. Even if someone would want to PM me, I'm open to discussing off board. I just need help because I really don't know where to go from here.

You're right, there were. And I certainly hope that the ladies who posted those have resolved those issues in their relationships without resorting to cheating.

But, friend, you've come to a public forum to ask your question, and I shall answer it publicly. Don't cheat. Please, out of respect for yourself and for your husband (whom I assume you must have loved at some point), don't cheat.

Have you taken strides to try to work it out? Gone to counseling, either alone or as a couple? Have you even told your spouse that you feel like the marriage is failing? You've got to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt before you check out completely. You owe it to him. You committed to him, as he did to you. It's not something you can just forget ever happened.

So, once again. Don't cheat. Stay away from your co-worker as much as you possibly can. If you've taken the above steps and you still feel like there's no saving the marriage, at least have the courtesy and respect to legally and officially end the marriage before you start a relationship with someone else.

MyNinerAE2

amelianguy:

You're right, there were. And I certainly hope that the ladies who posted those have resolved those issues in their relationships without resorting to cheating.

But, friend, you've come to a public forum to ask your question, and I shall answer it publicly. Don't cheat. Please, out of respect for yourself and for your husband (whom I assume you must have loved at some point), don't cheat.

Have you taken strides to try to work it out? Gone to counseling, either alone or as a couple? Have you even told your spouse that you feel like the marriage is failing? You've got to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt before you check out completely. You owe it to him. You committed to him, as he did to you. It's not something you can just forget ever happened.

So, once again. Don't cheat. Stay away from your co-worker as much as you possibly can. If you've taken the above steps and you still feel like there's no saving the marriage, at least have the courtesy and respect to legally and officially end the marriage before you start a relationship with someone else.

We have not gone to counseling. I'm against it. I dont think I want to have someone list all the things that are wrong about me, my marriage, or my life. I can do that on my own.

We haven't discussed divorce exactly. But we have said that marriage isn't what we thought it would be. We dont spend much time together. The interests that we had before that were similar we kind of have grown out of. We've been talking about TTC but I don't know if I want to have a child with him. Before I could see it, now I can't imagine being tied to him forever.

I think the big problem is that I feel neglected emotionally and physically and he says he is satisfied with the way things are. So I dont see them improving and I feel like I need to seek it elsewhere. Maybe not even sexually. Just attention. Co-worker gives me this but now I cant help but consider other options.

lilswimmer

amelianguy:

lilswimmer:

amelianguy:

MBMcC421:

lilswimmer:

I am sorry you felt that I was rude for saying what Jon did for me that day. I never ment to hurt anyone. I really do appreciate everything you all did for me that day. And it was a huge decision for me to give him a second chance. I'm sorry that you took that as me taking advantage of you ladies which was never my intention at all. Again, I truly do appreciate everything you did for me and I am sorry it came across that I didnt.

 As for this post, everyone is entitled to their opinion and I understand that completely.

Leslie, it's not that we're trying to make you feel bad or guilty - we're just worried about you, especially after you made what was happening so public both here and on FB.  We were really taken aback at how things seemed to have turned around so quickly, almost as if nothing ever happened in the first place.  It's not YOU we're worried about... we just really, really hope you don't get hurt again, and that, truly, is the reason for our concern.

Ditto this. I mean, of course I realize we don't know the whole story. But it really just baffled me at how quickly things seemed to be all good again. I mean, one minute your marriage is over, the next everything is peachy keen and you're buying a house, new cars, and getting a dog. I was just really surprised at how all the problems seemed to disappear. I don't mean to be rude or judgemental, and I know it's none of my business. I just worry about you.

I know, and again I do appreciate you guys thinking about me and the gift card. I was not expecting anything at all and you ladies went way above and beyond and again it really ment a great deal to me that you would do that for me.

This is still something I have to deal with every single day. Yes we did buy a house and got a dog, and everything but I want to go on with my life. I am not going to stop my life and never move on (house, kids, vacations whatever) if I chose to give him another chance.

I can understand that. ::hugs:: I'm certainly not saying that you should have put your life on hold. It just worried me that so many big decisions were being made. I want the best for you, and you deserve the best in life, and I've just been worried. I know that's where the others are coming from as well. Please believe me when I say that it's not coming from a hateful place at all, but from a place of love and concern for our friend.

I know you are not be hateful at all! Thank you for your concern, it does mean a lot to me to have so many people who do care! Like I said to Stees I know I put myself out there with what happened and I know people will have an option and that is perfectly fine! I know this post was never ment to be hurtful at all and I was expecting my name to be the one chosen!

MBMcC421

maryandkirk0909:

amelianguy:

I can understand that. ::hugs:: I'm certainly not saying that you should have put your life on hold. It just worried me that so many big decisions were being made. I want the best for you, and you deserve the best in life, and I've just been worried. I know that's where the others are coming from as well. Please believe me when I say that it's not coming from a hateful place at all, but from a place of love and concern for our friend.

This is my biggest thought on this subject.  I worry about Leslie because I like her, not because she isn't capable of making her own decisions.

Exactly.

amelianguy

MyNinerAE2:

amelianguy:

You're right, there were. And I certainly hope that the ladies who posted those have resolved those issues in their relationships without resorting to cheating.

But, friend, you've come to a public forum to ask your question, and I shall answer it publicly. Don't cheat. Please, out of respect for yourself and for your husband (whom I assume you must have loved at some point), don't cheat.

Have you taken strides to try to work it out? Gone to counseling, either alone or as a couple? Have you even told your spouse that you feel like the marriage is failing? You've got to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt before you check out completely. You owe it to him. You committed to him, as he did to you. It's not something you can just forget ever happened.

So, once again. Don't cheat. Stay away from your co-worker as much as you possibly can. If you've taken the above steps and you still feel like there's no saving the marriage, at least have the courtesy and respect to legally and officially end the marriage before you start a relationship with someone else.

We have not gone to counseling. I'm against it. I dont think I want to have someone list all the things that are wrong about me, my marriage, or my life. I can do that on my own.

We haven't discussed divorce exactly. But we have said that marriage isn't what we thought it would be. We dont spend much time together. The interests that we had before that were similar we kind of have grown out of. We've been talking about TTC but I don't know if I want to have a child with him. Before I could see it, now I can't imagine being tied to him forever.

I think the big problem is that I feel neglected emotionally and physically and he says he is satisfied with the way things are. So I dont see them improving and I feel like I need to seek it elsewhere. Maybe not even sexually. Just attention. Co-worker gives me this but now I cant help but consider other options.

If you're against counseling, then why did you post it here? We're outsiders telling you what's wrong with your relationship too. This pretty much solidifies for me that you're just being an AW.

Don't have a child with a man who you don't want to be tied to for the rest of your life. That's a bad idea all around.

Okay, so it's not going to improve? Have the common courtesy to get out of your marriage before you go getting the sh!t banged out of you by another guy. I mean, I know we all need it once in a while, but really. At least FILE for divorce first.

steeser03

JillianAshley6:

My marriage means enough to me to try that kind of thing. But if yours doesn't mean enough to you to even try, then its already over. Do the right thing and seperate before you pursue other relationships. Its not fair to either of you to cheat.

good call JA. ITA.

SocialWorker2B

SMorriso:

Am I the only one that finds this to be a horrible board award?

I'm not voting for anyone. Especially not Leslie because she has overcome something entirely difficult, and I'm not there to judge her present relationship.

I'm a pretty firm believer in second chances. I commend Leslie for chosing what she felt was right for her and her family. I think that if she made a sound decision to stay with her husband, then a bunch of board 'friends' shouldn't be virtually stabbing her in the back for that choice. Especially not after sending a care package to display some sort of thoughtfulness.

I know there is a pretty good chance for being ripped apart for this, and I really don't care at this point. These board awards are getting predictable and really mean spirited.

Ditto completely.

I personally think my hitting MH with a skillet is HILARIOUS but to vote for someone who is really trying to make their marriage work?

That's just wrong. I honestly feel like I'm back in middle school.

"Here, have a care package. We all love you blah blah blah."

FAST FORWARD.

"Sorry but I think your marriage is going to fail."

WOW.

steeser03

as usual SW2B you are:

1- late to the party and

2- dont even know WTF youre talking about.

shutthefup.

SMorriso

She's actually kind of spot on. That is what happened.

Late to the party but accurate in her assessment.

MBMcC421

Moving on...

steeser03

um i believe she came here and said her marriage was failing and THEN we sent her a care package. not the other way around....

SMorriso

Getting divorced normally means your marriage failed. So, suggesting that she'd be the most likely to get divorced, is kind of saying that her marriage is going to fail.

This divorce 'award' was posted yesterday, which was after the unsolicited care package sent. I'm just saying that SW2B wasn't off base in what she wrote.

MBMcC421

steeser03:

um i believe she came here and said her marriage was failing and THEN we sent her a care package. not the other way around....

Regardless, this is all moot now.  We all said what we needed to say, and Leslie responded as SHE deemed fit.  I dont think she asked for anyone else to defend her (ESPECIALLY SW2B) - she did a fine job of that herself.  And now we all understand each other better and the world is a better place for it.

steeser03

so leslie came here and said her marriage was failing. and then i said she was the most likely to have a marriage that fails and that was wrong?

and i shouldnt have told her we supported her when her marriage was failing because later i was going to say that i thought her marriage was failing?

thats what sw2b is saying and youre supporting. 

SMorriso

steeser03:

so leslie came here and said her marriage was failing. and then i said she was the most likely to have a marriage that fails and that was wrong?

and i shouldnt have told her we supported her when her marriage was failing because later i was going to say that i thought her marriage was failing?

thats what sw2b is saying and youre supporting. 

If Leslie would have gotten divorced when they first had their issues, you wouldn't have been wrong. She didn't though. She decided to work on her marriage.

Leslie came to the board and was upset that she found out that her marriage might be ending for particular reasons.

She later decided that she didn't want to let her marriage fail, but to work on it. I admit that I was shocked at that, but then I was like, it's her life. I think it showed strength to defy odds and work on it when it gets tough.

I didn't send her something that she didn't ask for (just like she didn't ask for us to defend her) and then resent it. Saying that she took advantage of you. She didn't. She chose to live her life, and not let her marriage fail. That had nothing to do with a spa gift.

You all passed judgement on her yesterday (while she is currently married),  to say that her marriage is likely to fail. That was after she is making efforts to make her marriage work. In spite of ridicule and being 'jokingly' referred to as most likely to get divorced.

So no, I'm not supporting anything but the right to say that this board award was a horrible thing to post. That Leslie is living her life and that it is wrong to suggest that someone's marriage is going to fail after they've done a lot to build it up and keep it together. Leslie felt the need to apologize, when she didn't do anything wrong. Nonetheless, she did what she felt was right.

 

SocialWorker2B

steeser03:

um i believe she came here and said her marriage was failing and THEN we sent her a care package. not the other way around....

You know that you just messed that up, right?

I said EXACTLY what you just wrote above, genius.

And, the only reason I'm 'late to the party,' is because I have a life. You should try that sometime.