I need some serious advice... :(

kjhharris

Nukke:

Xan921:

Gosh, all of this is making him sound like some horrible person, but he's really not. 

Xan, none of this makes him sound like an awful person.  He just sounds like a person with an addiction.  

I agree with the alanon meetings for you, and a couples counsellor for the two of you.  Maybe hearing it from a stranger will encourage him to go to a meeting and admit he has an addiction.  

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  You must feel so ashamed and angry and terrified.  I can't imagine how many other emotions you're feeling.  We're all here for you, and don't judge you or your hubby.  (hugs)

Eeva said everything I would have said, but more eloquently. You've been incredibly strong to shoulder this on your own; I'm so proud of you for sharing this "out loud" - it's not an easy thing to do, but sometimes just getting the words out to someone outside of the relationship gives so much relief. A counselor (for you independent of him) might also be a really good thing. You've been through emotional hell in dealing with the ins and outs of addiction, and the worry about his health can take its toll. Having an unbiased third party listen and help you process it can help you get through it too.

<hugs> and let me know if I can support you in any way.