The swinger on Relationships is making me feel gross.

Tambcat · April 2011

MKESweetie:

Tambcat:
what is polyamory?

It is having (or wanting to have/trying to have) more than one "intimate" relationship at a time, with everybody involved knowing and approving.

There was a debate on RE yesterday about if swinging met this definition or not, since for some people over there that swing, the sex is just sex - nothing "intimate" about it.

Oh.

lol that the swingers are horrified by this.

ReturnOfKuus · April 2011

If you think that the kids don't notice, or at least know something is off, then you're delusional. I say this from experience.

laptopprancer · April 2011

ReturnOfKuus:
If you think that the kids don't notice, or at least know something is off, then you're delusional. I say this from experience.

From your own experience? How do you separate (notice) this effect from all the other weird, obnoxious stuff you talk about them doing?

+LuckyVal+ · April 2011

eddy:

So color me suprised. I did not know Luckyval was a swinger. Nope nope nope, I had not a clue.

And now I want to ask one simple question of her and she can ignore if she likes.

When you were TTC you obviously held off on the swinging right?

Oh god yes. We had stopped swinging for about 6 months prior to getting pg.

Aance · April 2011

+LuckyVal+:
eddy:

So color me suprised. I did not know Luckyval was a swinger. Nope nope nope, I had not a clue.

And now I want to ask one simple question of her and she can ignore if she likes.

When you were TTC you obviously held off on the swinging right?

Oh god yes. We had stopped swinging for about 6 months prior to getting pg.

this is the best reply in the hoistory of replies!!

/ded

DWINFL · May 2014

I am trying to sort through this as well. My wife tells me she is polyamorous, and doesn't want to swing, yet wants to go out and have sex with others who "attract her" telling me that it will bring us closer. Tells me I can do the same as she wants me to be "happy" as well. When I ask why not just be divorced, she tells me she loves me and doesn't want to break up our family. She just wants to live life to the fullest........i am confused......bewildered

doeydo · May 2014

DWINFL said:

I am trying to sort through this as well. My wife tells me she is polyamorous, and doesn't want to swing, yet wants to go out and have sex with others who "attract her" telling me that it will bring us closer. Tells me I can do the same as she wants me to be "happy" as well. When I ask why not just be divorced, she tells me she loves me and doesn't want to break up our family. She just wants to live life to the fullest........i am confused......bewildered

From what I understand, polyamorous people love love and want to have relationships with multiple people at the same time (and their SOs are free to do so as well). People who like to swing just want to have sex with other couples.

TarponMonoxide · May 2014

DWINFL said:

I am trying to sort through this as well. My wife tells me she is polyamorous, and doesn't want to swing, yet wants to go out and have sex with others who "attract her" telling me that it will bring us closer. Tells me I can do the same as she wants me to be "happy" as well. When I ask why not just be divorced, she tells me she loves me and doesn't want to break up our family. She just wants to live life to the fullest........i am confused......bewildered

How well do you know here at all???

When did she tell you this? Give us more backstory.

Wouldn't it have been made known to you when you were dating her and the relationship got serious that she is polyamorous, bi, asexual, questioning or whatever applied???

Where is your communication? Where is hers?

I think your big problem -- and hers -- is -- and not a surprise! --- zero communication skills with each other.

Why don't you see a sex therapist and get a consultation? Go alone. See what the therapist has to say about what your wife claims she is.

The message I am getting from your wife:

"I am tired of sex with my H; I want permission to fool around and this way I can still have all the benefits of marriage, like a meal ticket!"

Dude:

What is it YOU want???

Don't lose sight of that.

I do not think she is polyamourous. She is about as polyamourous as I am -- what she wants is an open relationship. Entirely different than polyamoury.

If you are not happy about yoru wife's decision or what it is she does want, consider saying goodbye. So much for being confused.

And find yourself a woman who wants ONLY YOU.

GL.

TarponMonoxide · May 2014

A polyamorous relationship is one where all parties are okay with being together. It is not the same thing as being bi or gay.

It is still a committed relationship and it consists of more than 2 people in the relationship.

It is NOT the same thing as polygamy. Or swinging.

BlueBirdMB · May 2014

I want a thread to this discussion about swinging. I'm curious

BlueBirdMB · May 2014

If swinging or polyamory is your thing, go for it. There's nothing wrong with how I do things though- I like being monogamous.

I watched the show on Showtime about polyamory. What struck me was how emotionally detached and immature those people seemed. I know it was a TV show and they pick wackos for a reason, but the whole idea seemed to promote emotional detachment. They didn't have any deep, meaningful relationships.