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Advice needed on serious issue
He constantly is trying to get me and DH to fight...and he is good at it.
My brother caught him molesting my mom's dog.He was holding the dog down fingering his butt.
He kills little animals (a hamster for biting him and he also broke a hermit crabs claw off for pinching him) but demands Dh buy him more pets, and he does, then I end up taking care of them. Like 5 frogs 2 hamsters, 3 cats and a lizard. He has killed like 4 lizards a hamster and 3 hermit crabs altogether. He is cruel and even after trying to talk to DH about bringing home pets and after taking a fit he just got a new lizard this week. All I can do is protect the animals and I've been trying to give them away but I know DH will just yell at me and SS will take fit and he will get what he wants.
He refuses to use the trash can and instead only puts his trash on the floor and after I took a fit about it he just started shoving it under the couch. Keep in mind I am 9 months pregnant and have severe Edema (swelling of the feet, cankles and legs) to the point my feet bleed. Actually the worst case my ob gyn has ever seen and I'm supposed to stay in bed but instead I'm constantly cleaning up after him. He doesn't put his toys away and when I ask he tells DH to do it and he does it so he won't learn!
He still can't sleep alone or do anything alone. I swear he has never played by himself for as long as we have been living together. He has to be the constant center of attention .
He is extremely jealous and gets angry over DH or I giving other children attention (like playing with them). He put his cousin in the hospital. He shoved a little girl down the stairs. My friends won't come over because he does mean sneaky stuff to their children. My neices are not even alod to stay with me. I understand because I don't want my LO around him and I've put up nanny cams and alarms on the nursery door.
Speaking of the nursery he put a knife under the sheet in babies room, knocked down her clothes racks in the closet and told me once that she could suck his weiner like a baby bottle. He also said he would smack her if she touched his toys or slobbered on them.
He has a wild imagination and is always saying weird stuff about shooting animals/people cutting them up watching their brains/guts splatter and laughs and thinks its funny. Really disturbing stuff. Like this kid is the one you are afraid to send your kid to school because of.
He pisses wherever and actually told my mom that it gives something for MIL or I dto do with our time (cleaning it up)
Speaking of MIL, she and DH were still wiping his butt when DH and I got married and moved into together (this past summer). He would scream and demand they come wipe his but. I made DH stop, I told him thats not normal to wipe a 7 year olds but everytime he poops.
He plays all innocent and DH works sometimes 70 hours a week in the coal mines and is hardly around and then feels guilt for not being here and just lets SS get away with everything and doesn't want to see how serious this all is.
I've called CPS because I suspect abuse (because of the sexual references he made) and because I honestly don';t know what to do. They won't help I call and call there are too many kids that are obviously abused to investigate a "maybe" case. I've started seeing a therapist and talked to lawyers. If I leave there is a high chance that DH will get LO on the weekends and I will not be there to protect her from SS.
My therapist put it point blank I can stay and protect my baby girl and sacrifice my happiness or I can leave and take the cahnce that he molest her or worse.
He is already showing he is going to be extremely jealous of the baby(no matter how much I include him and how much I buy him when buying baby gear and he got presents for the baby shower)
He yelled at DH today for kissing my belly and making smoochie noises and said "You are not aloud to play with the baby thats how we play!" DH and I do tickle attack when he gets mad and make smoochie sounds at him. I know some jealousy is normal but I am honestly afraid becaus he has hurt other children.
I can't get him therapy because we have 50/50 with his worthless mother who only really takes him a few days a month in between her drug binges but MIL takes him a few days a week and before me had pretty much raised him. Around her the dad is damn lucky to get 50/50 and we have no way to prove she is unfit. She refuses to sign a consent form for me to take him to therapy.
I don't know what to do. The list of stuff this kid has done goes on and on. I knew SS had some issues when I married DH but I thought I was sent to them by God to help them. I've always had a savior complex when it comes to kids, kitties and broken people. I remember sitting in my old bedroom crying and my mom coming in and rubbing my back and telling me she was sorry and that I can't save them all. I know I have made a difference in his life I introduced him to God he had no idea about any of that stuff, no one ever took the time to tell him. At the same time the progress I've made with him is outdone by the disturbing red flags I keep seeing.
I don't have any idea if he has been sexually abused or if thats because before we married DH let him watch R rated moves (and his mom still does). My therapist said he might know about that sexual stuff because of movies like The Zohan, Scary Movie and Road Trip. I think when it comes down to it he is a spoiled little brat, DH and MIL feel such guilt over his bio-mom they let him do whatever he wants whenever he wants. He gets everything he wants (playstation2 and 3, x-box, Wii). He has no bedtime. He has no discipline.
I am due to be induced and he decided that he was coming to the hospital I said NO he can't be in the room he took a fit (the labor my take 10 hours and this kid takes fits over 30 minute trips taking to long plus he will get on my nerves when I am in labor). This got DH and I in a fight. Now DH is letting him take 3 days off school after the baby is born and I don't think I can take it. He is driving me crazy. He doesn't listen he has no respect for anyone and my in laws and DH are ignorant and backwards and don't want to deal with these issues or he out smarts them. I'm not being mean but it's very true. They just are not very intelligent people and know absolutely nothing about child psychology. DH is very much a helicoptor parent and SS says jump and DH says how high. It's crazy it really is.
I still love DH but we've had a lot of problems, I got pregnant within a month after we got married. To be honest if I wasn't pregnant I would have left. I would leave if I knew DH would not leave my daughter alone with SS. I think it might be my maternal instinct kicking in I have a really bad feeling about SS, I think if he is left alone for two minutes with LO he will hurt her. I have to be able to prove in court before I leave.
When I try to explain stuff to DH about SS I come out looking like a *** and DH is so defensive about anything and everything SS does. He will even lie to cover up bad stuff SS does.
Does anyone out there have any advice? I am due yesterday, I've been having cintractions for days, I'm cranky and miserable and I just found out after this baby comes ripping and tareing out my hooha that I am goning to be stuck with SS and the huge mess that comes with him. If this was my child I would ask my mom to babysit because keeping up with him and the mess is so hard on me right now but because I am a step-mom I can't do that without causing serious strain on whats left of my relationship with DH. I'm new at this whole step-parenting thing and I could use advice as much as SS needs therapy. I just don't know what to do.
I just went looking for my cats again and I can't find them. I never let them alone with him I always keep them with me I had just ran to the store and I am afraid he hurt them before he put them out the window and they are gone forever. I think they ran to the woods afraid. I only half heartedly tried to find the homes because I thought I could protect them. If they are out there hurt its all my fault
Re: Advice needed on serious issue
Right?? I think that's what my face looked like the entire time I was reading this. I really have nothing to say, except run for the hills.
If any of this is true, you need to leave because that is what is best for you and your daughter. Your therapist is effed in the head if s/he thinks it's better for you to protect your daughter by staying married to this man--do they not think that SS could still harm your daughter in that situation?
You could also request in your visitation agreement that your daughter visit her father when his son is not in the home. But really you need to discuss this with an attorney.
You knew all of this ahead of time, so you did not go into this marriage blind but really how much more are you willing to put up with? What will you do if you find your SS harming your daughter? Will you stay or go? Given what you've posted, I would've been out long ago.
There is so much wrong with this situation. You need to leave him. Your SS will hurt your daughter.
After you give birth, don't go home. Go stay with your parents, friends, a women's shelter, anywhere. But don't go home.
Please do this for your daughter's safety and your sanity!
Judging
#1: YOu can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.
#2: If your SS does this to your cats, why would you think your new baby would be any different???
#3: If you'd run for your safety if you weren't pregnant, why aren't you running from him to protect this poor innocent baby?
#4: I don't think you can change the situation, I think you need to think about why you got involved in the first place and GET OUT NOW! before he does something to hurt that new baby of yours if you can't protect yourself at least protect your baby.
I am sorry about your cats. I honestly did not get through your entile post. I am glad you are in counseling and seeing a lawyer. Your stepson needs counseling at the very least. If DH is an unfit parent a lawyer can help you prove this so that he will get supervised visitation. There is so much wrong with this situation. Please obey your doctors regarding being off your feet. It does not seem like you and DH are on the same page regarding SS. It IS normal for SS to be jealous of a new baby. You need to protect yourself, your animals, and your new baby. How on Earth was a baby a good idea in this situation?
Edited to add: I read more of the post. If this is true GET THE FUCCK OUT of this house NOW!!! Get a new therapist!
I want to know why you stuck around to marry this guy. I don't care how much you love him. If what you've said is true about the SS, it's a total dealbreaker for any sane person that prefers to stay alive. It's obvious the kid is acting out and jealous, but that isn't the only issue here.
Jeffrey Dahmer, anyone?
I'm scared just knowing a kid like this exists! I hope you live in a very far away state that I will never frequent.
SS is a dealbreaker Get the F*** Out of that house.
1- if you find those cats, find them a home but for fvcks sake don't leave them there so your stepson can finally succeed in killing them.
2- get the FVCK out of there. Your step-son is a psycho and he's going to hurt your child as much as he hurts animals. Why the hell are you even entertaining the thought of staying with this guy?
Are you serious???
You need to get out NOW. If not for your safety/sanity, then for your daughter, because I GUARANTEE that your SS will hurt, if not kill, the baby.
You can't save him. He needs intense professional help.
My jaw dropped when I started reading the second paragraph. By the time I was done, it was on the floor.
Seriously, just leave.
The Princess of Anything is Coming!
Had a dream I was queen.
Woke up. Still queen.
Your therapist is wrong. You have a third choice. Get the hell out of dodge BEFORE this baby is born and file for divorce/full custody of your unborn kid if you won't already be awarded it.
My suggestion, go to woman's shelter because SS had to have learned this from somewhere and it is a 50/50 chance it was your H or his family, so I doubt H isn't as verbally abusive since he also allows this behavior to continue with SS. Get everything of value, including family memories and legal documents and LEAVE NOW. Then chance you address, phone number and any other form of contact he could use to get a hold of you. He can use the courts to contact you if he wants to because SS is a danger to your child. Get a good lawyer like yesterday.
My god, I would change my name to protect my child from something like this. He sounds like an abusive SOB and he is still a young child. That is sad, and I wish I had a way to help you save him, but you have your child to think of, she needs you to leave.
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I normally just lurk here but I had to say something. My only advice is to take yourself, your unborn baby and all the pets and run far away. I am so sorry you are in this situation. I would honestly leave today. I would go get some cat traps and set them up where your SS can't find them (hopefully you have a neighbor or friend that can check them frequently) so you can get your cats back.
I just can't imagine.
um, you need to leave. Now.
and find a new therapist.
My chin is on the floor.
holy
god
GET OUT NOW.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
While I agree totally about doing whatever it takes to get out, the whole, "he had to learn it from somewhere" sh!t is not true. He's showing pretty clear signs of having a severe personality disorder which has to do with how your brain is wired. I agree her H is a sh!tbag for not being alarmed at his son's behavior but it's not fair to say he's just copying his dad or something.
Are you serious???
Your post made me cry, I definatly feel for you. I am in a relationship that my FI has sole custody and placement of children from a previous relationship and they have had some troubles so I can understand what you are going through.
First off I would greatly question your husbands actions, there is NO reason for the kid to take off school when you have baby or be pesent for the birth espeshially if it is against your wishes or would cause you more stress. It seems as though you have had a difficult preg. so far and dh focus should be on you and baby.. YOUR wants and needs. Why is he buying his son more pets if he is known to harm animals, as a parent it would be his responsibility to know this is not right and say no and not allow son any pets at all, the sexual things might be from movies but the act with the dog screams abuse. If your husband covers up for son things will only get worse. If you can't get his bio-mom to sign a consent for therapy he should be taking her to court to get an order for her to sign it, no judge would say no to this, since the kid definatly needs help. I have very a hard time understanding why your husband wouldn't do everything in his power to get his son help!!!! As far as household rules and disapline, if you need to( I had too once) demand it, if you are the childs primary care give you have EVERY RIGHT to set rules and consequnces and stick to them, as hard as it may be.
I know what it feels like "if I wasn't preg. I would leave" but I never feared for my child in the ways you are. If you are seriously considering leaving start documenting the things the child does so you have proof in court why you believe he might harm your baby. If you leave and start the custody proccess in court you this will help you later with a good family court lawyer
In most states the mother has more legal rights when it comes to court procedings. If you have proof that the son has these problems and the father is doing nothing about it you would probably have a soild enough case for your husband not to get any custody of your child together.
I understand how you feel wanting to help him. I am the same way also. The old saying is true, it takes a village to raise a child, you can not do it all by yourself. It seems as though your husband and his mother are not doing there part and anything you may do to be a step in the right direction will probably just be knocked back by his interactions with them and other people. If you don't get your husband and mother and law on board and get this kid some help and instill rules and respect you will allways be unhappy. There's no reason that you should have live that life or bring your new child into it. I know how hard it can be to leave (I've been there before too..with small baby) the hardest part is actualy doing it and moving on then one day you find yourself happy again.
I wish you the best. I also hope that your can enjoy giving birth and the first days with your new baby
Total lurker here, but in the case that even one piece of this is true - GET OUT!
Your therapist is dead wrong. Document EVERYTHING, get a good lawyer, and RUN.
Under NO circumstances would I be bringing your newborn home to that house.
I can't believe you chose to marry, and then have children with, a man who is so nonchalant about his son's serious mental illness. His son's behavior alone should have been a dealbreaker for you, but throw his complete unfitness to be a parent on top of that and I just can't imagine what you were thinking. You need to get yourself and your child out of this situation and get treatment for your own obvious mental health issues.
This is one of the most horrifying things I have ever read on the nest.
OMG. I just noticed this paragraph:
Yeah, you are seriously disturbed.
I'll echo the 'document everything' sentiment... when you do leave, you want to make sure to point out that your H is a do-nothing negligent fool so he will hopefully be limited to supervised visitation. You can also take this to SS's therapist, which will hopefully get him the help he needs. This is so far beyond normal growing pains or child behavior.
I am so, so sorry this is happening to you, but you need to protect yourself and your baby girl first and foremost, and living in a house with a ticking time bomb is not the way to do it.
It isn't definite he is getting it from his dad but it is more likely, because his dad is a huge part of his environment. That is what I mean by it. He is getting the ideas from somewhere, someone or something. Even if it is from his own head, it has to be something seen in their family history, the H should be at least trying to be aware of it by this point. If the boy was abused like OP suspects it is most likely a family member or close family friend. Her H is a major part of the problem because his lack of concern and the fact that he enables the kid to act this way by not disciplining him for it, even if his son isn't following by example.
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This 10000x