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SIL and his ex!
My husband and I are not like "most" people. We got married after knowing each other about a month. Long story but had to do with the military.
Now weve been married 5 months and he went back to visit family, I stayed home so we could have our time apart. We still haven't met each others family yet but I do text my MIL and SIL every so often. In the begining of our marriage we had a problem with him talking to exs, we faught then he agreed not to talk to them anymore. A little while later it started happening again, I may be his wife but I don't know everything about him just yet so I went to my SIL for advice. She told me she had been through the same but worse with her husband and my husband saw that and knows better. She got really upset with him and got his family involved, they all told him it was wrong and to stop, etc. The main ex is friends with my SIL so they spoke and the ex agreed not to talk to him. After all this I blocked her number, email, etc. and haven't seen any problems since.
Now last Saturday my husband ended up unblocking her after a convo with the neighbor about exs. Then they started writing each other but stopped shortly after..well once my husband knew I saw the messages. Then he went on a site and read "how to understand women" he said he knew now women are naturally insecure and even though they were talking as friends I wouldn't like it and he was wrong. Monday I took him to the airport and he'll be gone 11 days. During the day I wasn't sure how to feel about him gone but then started to relax. Once I was relaxed I went online and found out his ex was at his parents house. My MIL and my husband tell me she was there because my SIL invited her. My SIL doesn't live around there so whenever shes in town the ex visits. Well my SIL had been in town for about a week maybe more before my husband got there, why didn't the ex drive two hours from school then to see her? No, instead she drives two hours on a Monday night, my husbands first night there, to go see my SIL. My husband and MIL tell me my SIL told my husband to leave but he had no where to go. Um, excuse me but why didn't my SIL leave if she wanted to see his ex so bad?! And now tonight I find out the ex is back in town for the weekend.
What would you do?
Re: SIL and his ex!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
What does the military have to do with this?
DH has a lot of military friends and none of them married someone they didn't even know.
What would I do? I'd realize that I'd done something really stupid by marrying someone I knew for only a month and see what I could do about correcting that mistake.
A little off topic - but I am baffled by this! Of our clique of 6 small friends from high school 5 went off to the military. 4 were immediately married - 3 were immediately divorced and the last one struggles with her marriage daily because she married a scum bag who's a horrible father and husband. She stays only because of their two children. (Doesn't want to raise them in a broken home etc). I married the 5th and we have little issues. My cousin was the same way - he joined up and married D before Basic so they could stay together - and were divorced before they finished AIT.
Back on topic - I agree on marriage counseling. I think it might be the only thing to save your marriage at this point. Otherwise you'll look for a way out instead of a way to work it out. You have got to communicate effectively - its not just a fairy tale there.
Then he went on a site and read "how to understand women" he said he knew now women are naturally insecure
Wow. You've got yourself a real winner here!
Lesson learned - don't marry a stranger.
I'm glad that I'm not the only one giving that the side eye....
OP, not only is your husband beginning to show his flaws (as most people do after a month of dating...), but being in the military, and gone periodically, you're not really going to have the focused time to work on your marriage issues. By all means, go ahead and try marriage counseling... but I'm not so sure how effective it will be.
Seriously.
What would you do?
Well, first you should get your high school diploma, then you should get some counseling and find out why you were so desperate to get married, find a lawyer, get divorced, grow up and stay single for a while, get a college degree, get a job and support yourself, and then maybe youll be ready for an adult relationship.
That is what you should do.
People don't want to live in the barracks, boot camp/basic/bmt messed with their little feewings, and they want comfort. The married basic allowance for housing, tricare, the desire to play grown-up just because you think you have a grown-up job, etc.
H and I waited for 3 years (partly because I was divorced 5 years ago and wanted to be sure), and we're like aliens.
What would I do? Probably wait more than a month to marry someone.
You have only known this guy for six months, you haven't even met his family, and he has been talking to his exes for most of the time you've known him? I don't even know what to say to this. You shouldn't have married him.
Also, OP is probably 21 (maybe 22 by now). I am guessing the 89 in her SN is the year she was born. So she's sooooo much more mature than an 18 year old.
This is why you don't marry someone after knowing/dating them for a month. Had you gotten to know him better before taking vows with him, this would not be an issue.
He is an adult. If he wants to speak with these exes, he will, no matter what you do or say. I don't believe he is ready to be married if he still constantly wanting to speak to his exes.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
I have to be honest, you couldn't be driving your husband into the arms of this woman more if you were chasing him down the street with a baseball bat.
Stop blaming your SIL, and stop involving his family. This issue should NEVER become a subject discussed with family no matter how close you are.
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Maybe you should look up "How to understand SILs." Or "How to understand husbands who talk to their exes behind their wives' backs and don't give a sh!t how she feels about it."
BFP #4 It's a BOY!
CP: July 2011
BFP #3: 11/3/2011 M/C 12/12/11
We miss you and love you always, little firecrackers!
You got married WAY too soon. You even admitted you dont know anything about him. Just do yourself a favor and make sure you use some good birth control. The last thing you need is to have a kid with a stranger who is probably still nailing the ex. After all he didn't bring you home to meet the fam...he's gotta be hiding something!
Allow me to tell you that I don't think you're crazy for marrying someone in the military after only a month, talking to his sister about the ex thing, or anything else that people are getting on your case about. My brother and SIL met in Afghanistan and married 3 months later when they returned stateside. I love my SIL couldn't have asked for a better one and she calls my sister&I whenever she needs help understanding my brother and his oddities.
You my dear need to do two things. Tell him you don't like it and why that is (about talking to his exes). Understand that this ex is about of his life and get over it. I am still very close with an ex of mine and it bothers my DH, but he never questions my love for him and I don't talk about my friendship with that ex with DH. I know it sucks, but that's life.
Don't blame the military for your fuucking immature, horrible decision.
And why have you not met his family and vice versa? Also, when you have an issue with your husband, bringing his immediate family into it is probably one of the dumbest things to do.
Get a divorce before you get knocked up by this guy. Graduate high school. And thank you for adding to the disgustingly high military divorce rate and stigma that all military couples have to carry around.
Nothing to add, PP said it all...
OP...you are dumb....
Sorry, I tried to hold back...and couldn't.
Best of luck in your "marriage".
Have a baby, that will solve your problem
YWIA
I said it sarcastically.....like grow up...your are a beebee....but i guess you didnt pick it up?
and no where does it say she does have it either...there are peoplewithout them.