red flag

GLENNSEASE

has anyone have a nagging feeling before they got married not too?

feel confused lots of time invested kids involved.  dont want to be the bad guy

any advice

julie324

Trust your gut and get out now!

Kristine Schilling

not for me, but for one of my sisters... big red flags. Now she is 3 kids in, hes a jerk and she cant get out because of financial issues.

Interrobang

Yes, I ignored it, and was divorced at 25. It's a lot easier to call off an engagement than a marriage.

8daysaweek

julie324:

Trust your gut and get out now!

 

This. At the very, very least, cancel the wedding and get some couples counseling until you are certain about the marriage.

TarponMonoxide

GLENNSEASE:

has anyone have a nagging feeling before they got married not too?

feel confused lots of time invested kids involved.  dont want to be the bad guy

any advice

Always trust your gut.

it never fails.

NinjaPaants

Trust your gut. I didn't and I was divorced in a year and a half. Divorce is expensive and emotional.

Set your pride aside and at least postpone the wedding. Get counseling. Reevaluate. 

riiskybusiness

I didn't, but if there are kids involved, all the more reason to pay attention to red flags now. Like a PP said, it is easier to call of a wedding than to get a divorce, and is a lot less potentially traumatic to the kids involved as well.

cmeinla

if your worried that he'll think you're a bad guy now, how do you think he'll feel when you have half his stuff after the divorce?

MintChocoChip

Interrobang:

Yes, I ignored it, and was divorced at 25. It's a lot easier to call off an engagement than a marriage.

Change this to 27 and it's me.  Back out now.

oodakay

I agree with most of the responses, but you need to really determine if its a red flag or just jitters. Get some space and time to yourself. You don't want to deal with a divorce if you had the warnings beforehand, but you also don't want to ruin a good thing if its just jitters. Seriously, take some time for yourself before doing anything life altering like marriage. Its hard enough without being positive you want to do it.

Alicia_R1

yes i had those nagging feelings and i wish to God i would have listened to them, instead i was convinced by others that it was just jitters.  and i felt bad because we were having a destination wedding and his family had non-refundable tickets and resort stay

it's so much harder to get out of the marriage.  better to post pone or cancel than do it and end up divorced later.   

htomeo

riiskybusiness:

I didn't, but if there are kids involved, all the more reason to pay attention to red flags now. Like a PP said, it is easier to call of a wedding than to get a divorce, and is a lot less potentially traumatic to the kids involved as well.

Exactly this. I wish I had paid attention to the red flags, and addressed the issues then. Now I am separated/divorcing, miserable, and in way over my head. My case there are step kids involved, that I have grown attached to in the past 10 years, makes it even more difficult. We also have a son together, and that adds more guilt. 

ETA: I am by no means saying if there are issues, to run from them. However, if there are, PLEASE address them now, and not wait for them to iron out on their own. 

ABColeslaw

Yupp.  I even called of my wedding once and then was dumb enough to replan it.  Now we struggle all the time to be happy.  We have a child, who has serious health issues.  Financially it would ruin us to get divorced and the stress of raising a child with needs like our son alone? Ugh

buttontobe

I agree with all the above posts. I was engaged at 20, divorced by 23. I still have a TON of respect for my XH, but I wish i had been strong enough to tell him I wasn't ready. It was a selfish thing to do, which seemed very unselfish at the time (i was trying to spare his feelings and "make it work") If you have doubts, back out now.